I’m sure some of you have figured out that I have some issues.  From the butter obsession (that I must say I do not indulge upon, just dream about) to my pen/journal  fixation, it is clear that I can come across a bit unhinged at times.  Let me assure you that I have been cured of those afflictions and now sit in a place where I can at least look back at them and giggle.  Another gift that I have been given is learning that is ‘less is more’.  This is one that I hope to instill in you, as well.  This is tough for us type A folks because we are so extreme in all that we do.  If we are going to be an underwater basket weaver, we are going to be THE BEST underwater basket weaver there is.  Knowing me I’d learn how to do it with every possible type of reed available to weave and I’d understudy with a reedologist and I would complete an accredited course on basket weaving and become a certified weaver and—you get the point.  This is a perfect illustration as to why it was so important for me to learn the principle of ‘less is more’ before I became a walking symbol for destruction.

In the case of building muscle when you are lean, less is definitely more.  Or as I like to say, “Just a dab’ll do ya!”.  Give up the dreams of waking up tomorrow with shoulder caps so round you could hang your coat on them.  Walk away from the idea that in 12 weeks you’ll develop your glutes to the point that you could pick up your kids and carry them to the car while your hands are full.  These things are fallacies and because you believe that you can achieve them, you allow your desires to talk your head right out of common sense; because common sense would tell you if it was that easy, everyone would have them.  But you aren’t thinking like that right now.  You have visions of iron clad butt cheeks with tennis ball like caps separated by a rigid 6 pack…it’s scary in your mind right now.  So let’s get you back to reality, girl.  You’re out of control.

Gaining muscle takes time.  There I said it.  It takes time, lots of consistency and due diligence.  And honestly, if you don’t have any of that right now, keep doing what you’re doing until you do have time to do it fully.  (Essentially, if I keep you from thinking about how long it takes and you just keep doing it, you’ll get there without realizing it.  Wait til I tell you tomorrow that developing a tight body takes time, too.  You’ll really flip your lid then.)  Because it takes forever and a day (did I say that?), do not set aside times to specifically gain muscle and lose body fat like they used to back in the day.  You are going down a long dark road doing it that way.  Instead, let’s look at an alternative way to give you the shoulders and glutes you so desire.

YOU’VE GOT MY ATTENTION, NOW WHAT?

Wow.  Fiesty today, are we?  Ok, let’s get specific.

What you need to effectively build is a surplus of calories, ample rest and full recovery from effective workouts.  Since we have come to the conclusion that we are not going to be Arnold by the end of 12 weeks, it is not necessary for us to eat like him either.  An easy way to create a surplus sans calories is to do much less than before.  This means the only activity you would do during this period of time is lift.  No cardio, Zumba, pilates, power yoga or any other activity that makes you sweat.  Nothing.  And you would also rest more than you did before so you will create an even larger surplus of calories.  If you tell me that you cannot rest more because your life is go, go, go kind of busy, I will give you that look that says, “Well then you must not want to build right now then do you?”  Please refer back to Saturday when I said there is no whining and yes you have to do all that I say.  If you can’t cut your schedule down and rest, you can’t build right now.  All of this is important because you are not going to eat too much more than what you are right now maintaining.  At best you may go up 200 cals, but not much more than that so you can see why you becoming part of your couch is necessary.   We do not feed you more, we move you less.  It works really well without all the extra poundage that is incurred through traditional stuffing programs.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?

For all age groups, a bit of paranoia is to be expected.   If you are used to doing cardio 5 days a week right now, going down to none may make you freak out a bit.  You may also be more anxious because you just lost your daily stress relief.  However, it is still a better alternative to the freak out you would have eating extra starches in a day with a steady weight gain on the scale.  That, my dear, is a harrowing experience.  And you can expect minimal weight gain.  Seriously, you should gain no more than 10 but 7 is optimal over the course of 12 weeks.

TWENTY SOMETHING:

You can expect…well…not much.  Your ability to build muscle at this age is like my ability to give you a straight answer without some kind of wisecrack—hard.  You are going to slog away at the weights like it’s your job and have very little to show for it.  Especially if you are curvy.  The curvier you are, the less muscle you will make.  Sorry.  Just accept it.  So why depress you with this?  To keep you from thinking you’re doing something wrong and thereby attempt every lifting program/ergogenic aid under the sun which will in turn screw up your body for your thirties.

THIRTY SOMETHING:

You can expect the world.  At this age, it is at your fingertips.  Hormonally you are ripe for the picking.  You make muscle easier, you have the beginnings of muscle maturity and you aren’t calling your girlfriend every five minutes anymore as to what she is wearing so there is this inner peace and patience about that helps you stay focused.  This is a great age.  Get in the gym now and never come out!

FORTY SOMETHING:

You can expect density.  You will not get “bigger” but what you have will be fuller.  This is the look we all really strive for.  You are past your prime of making muscle and now are on a hormonal decline.  I know that well known dr. type folk are coming out saying the contrary but they are talking about general public making some muscle.  I am talking about you, the lifting elite, making more muscle.  Very different.  It ain’t happening now without a major battle or you being genetically gifted out the wazoo.  But you are in the age of making nice, full shoulder caps without trying.  Not two oranges sitting atop your clavicles, but a subtle attractive fullness that comes from muscle maturity.  And boy do we have focus now at this age.  Not only are we not calling our girlfriends, we are lucky if we keep our phones on.  And rest is not an issue.  We’re in bed by 9.  Shame.

I will put numbers to all of this when I wrap this series up.  Next up, dieting.  What you can really expect and how long it takes to truly get that lean look.  I will end with a talk on skinny fat because it is a daunting place to be and someone needs to put that reality out there for some of you.  I will put the numbers in that post or the one right after it but I promise to give you something very concrete to walk away with.  If you are signed up on the blog, you are getting the numbers today.  That is an advantage of being signed up.  Hang tight, there’s more to come!  Woop woop!

No, that’s not me.  My hair is not that long. Plus I am not a fan of strings on a bikini.

You’ve surely noticed that Miss Jodi has posted for me the last few weeks. (Isn’t she awesome!) I was away with my fam on vacation in Costa Rica. It is a beautiful country with great folk and we had a wonderful time. My favorite part is that I learned (kind of) to do a cool new thing, surfing. It’s weird because I didn’t even know that I was interested in surfing. I knew that we were in a place that has great conditions for surfing almost all the time, but I’m an indoor girl. I am so not an ocean person; I even have to keep water out of one of my ears. How much more not the surfing type could I possibly be?

More than that, I have been thinking about how at 42, a prissy stay at home mom shouldn’t be able to do something so physically unfamiliar, you know? At my age and knowing me, I should be too intimidated to even try, let alone make enough progress to want to keep trying. The energized confidence in my physical ability to realistically work towards something new and really different, I think is a very happy result of being committed to being super fit. Like all of you reading this, I train hard, recover well, and eat like a champion (most of the time). While I don’t have a specific sport, I train like an athlete (and if you’re a client, so do you). Jodi throws a crazy variety of things at us resulting in being strong, agile, flexible, fit, as well as feeling/looking pretty good in a bikini AND confident enough about all of that to try surfing. I just love feeling sure about my body in ways that go beyond just how it looks. Very cool.

So about surfing …

Anyway, in the beginning stage, there really isn’t too much to do but get up on the board, which isn’t easy, but it’s not exactly strenuous. You’re lying face down, paddling a little with your arms to get in front of the wave, the instructor shoves you off and then you push up into a downward dog sort of position, and spring onto your feet. Once you’re up, balance and body awareness are important so in general, there is some exertion, but not a lot. Staying alive in the ocean is what is tiring. It being in the water and all, there is a learning curve with how to deal with the ocean, which is no joke. The instructors tell you not to put the board between you and the incoming waves, but of course, that’s easier said than done for a while until you figure out what he’s talking about. After the first lesson, my legs were pretty beat up and bruised because I wasn’t handing the board right when walking it back out into the water. Once I finally get out there, lay on the board, get shoved off and try to get on my feet, of course I get thrown off most of the time. I came away with scrapes and scratches on both of my knees, my butt and the tops of a few toes from being knocked around. Another time, the instructor and I were walking out to the deeper water and a wave came and knocked us both off our feet. Well, he lost hold of the board and the leash (the cord that is attached to the board at one end and my back foot on the other) cut across and down my quad hard, leaving a big hideous purple bruise. Then yesterday, after getting thrown off the board, when coming up from under water, I got smacked across the bridge of my nose leaving, yep, a bruise. Fortunately my nose didn’t bleed or swell, and there is no cut, so once the bruise goes away, I should be fine. Needless to say, in a bikini, my physique may be where I look ok, but I’m black and blue and that is never pretty. Oh well.

My melasma reared its ugly head again on my vacation.  Pardon the pun. (That was for you, Heather.

Next, surfing is an only in the daytime, and only outside sport – so you’re in the sun constantly. You guys know how I feel about the sun exposure and skin health. A little sunshine is good for you; a lot increases your risk of problems and in time will destroy your looks. I’m diligent with sunscreen use and hang out in the shade whenever possible, but especially being near the equator. While out there learning to surf, I was coated head to toe with sunscreen, but even then I took on more sun and tan on my face and body than I wanted to. In fact, the melasma on my forehead came back – grrrr – and my kids keep asking me what that brown swatch on my forehead is. I also learned a lesson about sunscreen during my adventures: they are not all created equally. We have sunblocks and screens with chemical blockers that rub in invisibly that performed as promised – they stayed waterproof and provided high spf when reapplied as directed. We also had sunscreen that act as a physical block with zinc oxide, the kind that coat on white and rub in kind of purplish that kept us protected beautifully, as well. But I had one kind – Aveeno Baby Continuous Protection spf 55 – that utterly failed me, which I used yesterday. While out there in the water, waiting around with tummy down on the board, rear-end up, my butt, lower back and back of my legs got totally burned (I had on a long rash-guard shirt so my back, shoulders and arms were protected). I’m kind of mad about it too. This was a new bottle of sunscreen that was supposed to protect me from uva/uvb, be waterproof and have high spf. I will never use Aveeno sun protection products again.

There is just no way to not take on sun exposure and damage when you’re out there. Everyone here (not so much the tourists) is very, very tan. Most of them are young and it looks gorgeous, but I’m old enough to know that things change as time passes. The sexy tan on a 25 year old makes her blue eyes really stand out now, but at age 45, not so much. I’ve seen a few older women year-round ex-pats that look weathered and leathery. Keep up the surfer girl, sun goddess lifestyle for years on end and it will show. Looking older than you are is the least of the effects of an in-the-sun-all-the-time way of life. I’m just saying. Please protect your skin. Wear clothing that covers you up (your body is still smoking hot even if it’s not on full display), smear on zinc oxide even though it gives a smurfish hue, wear a hat (always cute), and find sunglasses that protect from uva and uvb rays. Be willing to give up a little bit of style to take care of your skin while enjoying the sunshine. Then find some shade and get under it!

All in all, I’m so glad I tried surfing. I had no expectations of being able to–even a little. I’m so glad that I had the strength and energy to hang out in the ocean for hours at a time. I’m glad I had the chance and the guts to take it. Pretty cool.

And now, after two weeks of being brutalized by the sun and surf, I’ll be so glad to sleep in my own bed, hug my dog, get a pedicure, a deep condition and fresh color on my hair, laser on the melasma, and be in a climate that is conducive to wearing make up again. It’s still me after all!

During a typical work week I come across a myriad of people with all kinds of fitness questions. 

Can I eat this food?

I heard that this makes you gain weight.

Tell me honestly, do I really have to do that to be successful?

Those kinds of questions.  And normally the person asking me seems to be pretty balanced in their approach to me.  They are not too tense or too overly anxious; some of them are genuinely interested in all I have to say whereas others just want me to get to the punch line: so, what’s gonna make me hot?  All in all I am pretty used to a Q & A session when I either go to meet a client or speak somewhere and etc. Yesterday, however, I was reminded again of how important it is not to take life or dieting to seriously and to be aware of how your dieting may be affecting others. 

You always hear people say it’s the journey that counts—not the destination—and etc.  How they should take this one day at a time.  They cannot be perfect so don’t try to be.  Cut yourself some slack and be prepared for pitfalls.  This is all true and so imperative to hear and take in.  When I encounter a barrage of questions about dieting and they are all about the “rules”:

Don’t have fruit after….

Sugar is bad for you…

Fruit is bad for you…

Don’t eat late at night…

I tend to shy away and steer the person in a more productive direction than just following a bunch of rules because you honestly can start to become “wiggy” with it (downright obsessed; deer caught in a headlight; manic; very unhealthy).  Can you imagine how surprised I was when the person asking me all these questions was a male and he was quite young. 

I honestly do not know how young he was but he was young enough that it was alarming to me that he had all those rules in his head and was quite concerned about getting them right.  Honestly, it made me stop dead in my tracks (mind you I was presenting in front of a group) and think to myself, “Holy moly.  Someone is really feeding this person some information and boy is it affecting him.”  He is either around someone who is dieting or had someone close to him lose a bunch of weight (because he was perfect weight for his height and has always been) and he was truly affected by it.

I finished the presentation by really driving home the fact that these rules are not necessary to be successful in life and there are so many different ways to diet/life life/eat right/etc. that getting hung up on way is counterproductive.  I think I made some head way there but I am not sure.  In the mean time, I am deeply affected by that meeting.

Dieting is a personal decision and it should be your decision.  Bringing everyone else along in the family for the healthy ride is awesome and encouraged, but if you have a list of diet rules that you have made yourself a slave to, please rethink passing them along.  Not only is it unhealthy for you to be tied to an arbitrary set of rules in the long run, but you may be affecting someone else close to you without you even knowing it.  You can get the body that you want and the health that you desire without having to get all wiggy with it.

We had so much fun didn’t we?  We would hang out and be care free.  Ahhh, the days.

We would get up and just go run down the street to our girlfriend’s house for the heck sake of it.  No, not walk—run…like a bat out of hell!…in shoes…from Coquettes…LOL!! 

Life was spontaneous.  We were spontaneous.  We were in constant movement.  Never ever sat down. 

Being young was a gift that was taken so much for granted.  Not thinking too much about the next day because we couldn’t stop laughing that day.  Everything was fun, carefree and active.  Vibrant.

Remember when we just ate?  We didn’t care what we ate every day.  Uncomplicated.  Back then processed food just wasn’t an issue.  We didn’t think twice about it.  Food was on the table every day freshly cooked and healthy.  We had a great childhood like that. 

Unassuming.

The goal of every day was to top the joy of the day before.  Sure we had bad times here and there (Hawaii, July ’81) but they lasted only as long as the event.  Right after that we were back to loving life.

No post workout shakes.  No amazing glute exercises, our butt cheeks already sat on our necks they were so tight!  No worries about mixing foods, eating bad fats, varying cardio, making a PR, scale weight, skinny jeans and the like!  It was just us with our endless love of activity (we didn’t call it exercise because we LOVED to do it incessantly) and our healthy relationship with food—all day long.  

Our youth seemed endless. 

Where did time go?  Not sure how much we can reverse… L

It was amazing to have that time with you.  I am sure we can get it back if we just try. 

I really miss you, Jodi…

With all my love,

Your Alter Ego

P.S.  Can you relate to the message behind this post?  Not all of that pertains to me as I am sure the same for you but the essence is there.  Tell me what you miss about you.  Do you remember when?   And can you bring it back?  I am close to finding that woman again.  She is in there peeking her little head out.  And every so often I find myself skipping for no reason or playing tag with my kids (Who cheat btw, haha!) and think, “this is the life!”  Drop some of what is weighing you down today and find her/him.  And when you find them, hug them tight because they have missed you dearly!

Since I am so hell bent on a beautiful body and face, I think it is worth me defining what I mean by this.  Unfortunately, our culture/country is obsessed with our outward appearance in a very negative manner.  Being thin seems to be worshipped as well as being young.  Both of these traits garner much attention in the media so they create a sort of undercurrent of pressure for the average woman.  We tend to worry about how we look in a certain outfit, whether we can compete with those “20 somethings” or if we are still acceptable in some men’s eyes.  This is not what I mean by being beautiful. 

One of the most attractive things to me is a woman is “good” with who she is, how she looks and how she presents herself.  She may be 20 pounds more than the ideal but she dresses like a fashionista so you would never know.  She could be 60 years old, but her skin makes her look 52.  She might be 45 but her attitude is that of a 30 year old.  Beauty defined by the dictionary:  The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.  Beauty defined by me:  taking excellent care of one’s health via food, exercise and supplementation; presenting the best package that you have been given sole rights to by nature.  You cannot get any better than this. 

I want to make it very clear that vanity is not where I am going with any of this.  You do not have to spend hours in front of the mirror or spends thousands on a wardrobe.  You could be a jock in heels with not a care in the world about how you dress but your skin is amazing and your teeth are healthy.  Or you could be a book worm that wears glasses and is addicted to sweat pants but your nails are healthy and your estrogen levels are where they should be.  All of this to me is beauty. 

Being thin does not mean you are beautiful—in fact, it’s quite the contrary.  Most thin people (as a result of perpetual dieting) are very unhealthy.  Being high maintenance with hair appointments and body treatments does not mean you are beautiful—usually it means you need to get over yourself. J  I could go on and on but I think you get my point.  Beauty means that your body is functioning at its fullest potential because you gave it everything you had in terms of outside resources and it is reaping the benefits from that pampering.

Next time you notice how soft your skin is, how regular your cycle is, how even your moods are, how strong your nails seem, how great your memory is at that time, how normal your blood pressure and cholesterol is, how strong your sex drive is and how agile you are at your age, and all of these things got that way because your diet is healthy and you exercise, I want you to think to yourself:  dang, I’m beautiful!