I feel less than truthful.  Well, maybe that’s a little over the top but I feel obligated to let you know what I am all about.  Not Jodiojo or MP4, etc, although ultimately they end up being one in the same, but me.  Jodi.  The psycho woman with the big afro and personality to match.

Many of you have been allowing me into your minds/homes/lives for years and the trust level you have with me is astonishing, and at times unnerving, but that trust is what has allowed me to be as open with you as I have been.  Whether I am sharing about my personal experiences or my work in general, they are directly tied to me.   Every day I put them out to be read, inspected, surveyed and basically judged by those I do know and those I don’t.  Essentially it is the same thing you do with me when you first work me so I am not saying any of this to garner self pity.  I, instead, pray that you read on and see where I am going with this.

I would be lying to you if I tried to say that teaching/coaching/blogging is easy.  At times, this can be paralyzing because as a group fitness instructor turned personal trainer turned mommy turned coach I have lived my life publicly, although I am one of the most private people you will ever meet.  My body, my thoughts, my creativity and my work are all subject to immediate judgment and unlike your average employee who is brought in for a yearly review, I receive mine in real time from many different “bosses”–not always in the kindest ways.  Imagine the emotion of a 5 year old who works diligently on a craft so that he/she could hand it over to whomever for them to say, “Good job”.  That’s a crucial moment that can really crush a kid’s spirit if given the chance.  I lived that way.  I am a super softy who used to wear their heart on their sleeve.  It took nothing to rattle my cage even though you would never ever know or ever think that I had that kind of emotional capacity.  But as I continue to understand myself and women as a whole, more and more I realize how silly this has been all these years.  We cannot, and should not be governed by what others think of us.  We’ll go crazy if we do.

I serve the lean community; those of us who aspire to have a body that is worthy of nakedness.  I have been doing so for 15 years now.  On paper it is a great goal to have but in reality, it can be very caustic.  A goal is never bad in and of itself (assuming it’s legal and not socially awkward), it’s what we become to get the goal that’s the bad part and being fit can have that affect on us.   Debilitating control, daunting rituals and endless comparing can suck all the life out of a great endeavor and make it like a millstone grinding us down to a nub.  We’re not happy until we get there and then when we do get there, we’re still not happy.  So when I think about what I am being party to, I constantly have to remind myself that yes I am here to get you from A to B.   I am here to make you laugh, because we all need to laugh these days.  I am here to keep you safe while dieting because it’s a jungle out there.  And while all of these are well and good, they’re not my absolute, true goal for you which is why I feel less than truthful today.

When I realized how silly it was for me to allow others to decide how my day was going to go, I also remembered how *real* the pain was.  Even though I didn’t want to feel that way, I couldn’t ignore how real it was.  Rejection is reality.  It’s how the world operates.  Feeling exposed is definitely not fun and most of us have grown up with some adult making us feel less than special at some point in our lives.   Thus we walk around proving ourselves constantly through our jobs, our personal belongings, our relationships and without a doubt…our bodies.  Our actions scream “I am important.  Look at what I have done.”  The crazy thing is one day we realize that no one is listening to us shout because they themselves are shouting and life has become one big shout fest.

I cringe at the thought of coming off “preachy” but I need to let you know that that’s not what I want here.  I do not want us to shout in any capacity.  Do I want us to have healthy bodies?  Heck yeah!  Do I want us to be happy with the work that we have done in the kitchen and in the gym?  You betcha!  But when I sit down to write that’s not what I’m thinking about.  I’m thinking, “How can I relay this information in a way that’s fun to read and educational but drives the point home that leanness is just a lifestyle—not an answer.”  It is not going to solve world peace or change the economy and it certainly isn’t going to make people like or accept you more.  If they do, run from them because they are not the ones you want in your life long term anyways.  I know you are thinking, “I read all this to get to that point? Really?”  and I am going to tell you yes.  Because I know firsthand that we can think we know things in our minds and yet, be thoroughly betrayed by our hearts.  We need to live this lifestyle because we feel good doing so and because it makes sense to us, but not because we are proving to whomever that we are somebody now that we have a ‘hot body’.

There is no doubt that this is going to affect how I write and what I write about.  All of us here at Jodiojo think like this on a personal level, not just on a company level so I know they are all nodding their heads as they read along.  This is important for me to point out because when I go into my series on goals or on body types, if you don’t understand where I am coming from you’ll have a hard time picking up what I’m putting down.  I also want you to understand my mindset when I write a post because I can be blunt, funny and loving all at the same time and I never want you to forget the loving part. Reading the truth is not always comfortable.  We need to understand our motives for things since that’s what drives us during a 45 min. cardio session whether we realize it or not.

It is rare for me to pose for a picture so this was a huge gem of a find on my hubby’s computer.  I had dubious motives back then, let me tell you.  Sad thing is I still own those shoes.  I very low maintenance.

Ok, I have blathered on long enough.  I’m not sure what series I am going through next but it will be a deep one because clearly I’m in that sort of mood.  Keep your hands in the ride until we come to a complete stop ladies.  This could get ugly.  Woop woop!

You’re afraid of me aren’t you?  You want to ask me what I know but you’re afraid.

Go ahead…ask me what I think!  You know I’ll tell you!  And then for the rest of the day I could make you either happy or sad.  You decide–it doesn’t much matter to me.

Whether you are a business woman making 6 figures or a stay at home mom with beautiful cherubs, I have something to say and I know that you will listen.  I am just that good at what I do.

I may chastise you, praise you, give you validation or rob you of your joy.  My “critique” is heard by many.

You seek my knowledge every week as if what I think really matters.  Why you give me such power is beyond me but I’ll take it.  Sometimes you’ll seek me out every day or even twice per day.  Whatever.  I am always here and available so you can’t help but stalk me.

I’d love to say I care–but I don’t.  I can’t stop you from asking nor am I capable.  I just sit by and watch you perform your daily ritual of self doubt, self torture, self mockery…need I go on?

I just love days when you are tired of asking me and getting the same answer over and over, so you ask others just like me!  And then they tell you a different story!  Oh boy!  Now you’re really a hot mess!  Which one to believe? 

The best thing is…I can reduce you to a blubbering fool.  I am blown away by that power.  I can’t say I revel in it but I have to say it is an elixir for me.  Who wouldn’t want that kind of control over someone at least once in their lives?  I know you trust me…I’m the best at what I do…as if what I say is the truth and all–LOL…that’s kind of cool, too.  But I could be lying to you and you would never know because you take everything I say for face value.  Everybody else thinks my word is bond and for as long as you have known me, you have too. 

NICE! 

The worst thing about this responsibility you force me to bear is when you come to me confident, borderline cocky and I rip you to shreds.  I tell you all about yourself in less than a minute.  Of course, then I am left to deal with your anger, confusion, panic and etc.  Please!  Get it together.  I didn’t ask you to seek me out in the first place!  Don’t make me have to deal with that!  What’s that saying?  Don’t shoot the messenger!  I am not going to change how I deliver information to you just because it affects you so!  You are either going to have to learn how to deal or maybe you should stop seeking my opinion.

If you don’t like what I have to say, then get off my back!  There are plenty others out there who want to hear what i have to say…

With lots of taunting and jeering,

Your Bathroom Scale