I went to my sister’s house yesterday morning and it is a bit of a drive for me, all highway, at least an hour.  It’s Sunday morning so there are very few people on the road but there was enough that you might have to dodge a few slow pokes and avoid a couple of psychos.  Halfway to her house I pick up a psycho.  A woman in a Toyota (relatively new, well kept and nice tires—just sayin’…) decides that she is going to play footsie with me.  She could not decide whether she wanted to be in front of me or behind me.  She would speed up and pass me and then moments later I would find myself passing her—and not because I was trying.  If this was a weekday, I would have ended this nonsense by just blowing past her (and the NASA space shuttle for that matter) all in one swoosh.  I drive a lawn mower for a car so this would have been an effort but I wouldn’t have cared.  I would have thought: “Off with your head!” as I left her 10 car lengths behind.. 

But it’s Sunday morning and I seriously could not have cared less.  I was groggy, enjoying my CD in my car and just loving the drive because there were no cars on the road.  So when she decided to kick it up a notch and pass me for the third time, I let her.  She must have flown by me doing at least 90 and was probably thinking the same thing I would have been thinking had I passed her—‘Off with your head!’.  I was happy to see her go and thought to myself, “I need a good wingman anyways to flush out the staties. I’ll stay close but not too close.”  No sooner did I think that than I saw him pull out from the side of the road, fly up behind her and pull her over.  You know that could have been me.  Gotta love a good wingman.

Do you have a good wingman? 

Technically, my driver friend does not fully count as a wingman because we are supposed to both be in it together for us to each other’s wingmen…but at that moment, she was mine.  And I am wondering, when it comes to dieting, do you have a wingman? 

Seriously, this is not a role to take lightly and just put any ol’ person in the position.  You need to have a friend who has your back so that when you call her up with one hand on the baked chicken breast and the other hand on the Twinkie, she knows what to do.  Dieting is hard.  Dieting with a very distinct purpose of affecting a change in your appearance more than what the general public will do is even harder.  You need someone in the trenches with you who knows how to roll with your mood swings and provide you with good advice when you find yourself leaving your husband for a molten chocolate dessert that he ate without any remorse.  Oh no, you need to really *think* about this role. 

Who is it?  Who is that person that can keep you on track even when you don’t want to be?

You don’t know?  Find them.  Fast.

These people do exist and most of the time they are not your closest friend.  They almost shouldn’t be because it’s going to get rough.  When you just cannot eat another piece of chicken or you want to poke your eyes out if you see another vegetable, they need to step in like Rocky’s trainer and slap you around like a husband in a bad Lifetime movie (such as Julia Robert’s brother who must have starred in at least 10 Lifetime movies—oy!).   Really good friends have a hard time doing that for you.  They typically sympathize with you and end up enabling you:  “You know what, girl…You haven’t had anything in a long time.  Let’s just go to dinner and get something…”  Don’t fall for this.  Get a wingman who will handle you differently:  “Girl, go in your closet and put on those jeans you want to wear.  Oh wait, they don’t fit right?  I didn’t think so.  I’ll see you at the gym in a half hour.  Be ready to do some work.”  Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

It’s January so you are most likely on a mission that’s burning hotter than Aruba with no shade.  But that’s going to fade real soon.  Like…ummm…tomorrow.  So when that happens, you need to be prepared.  Get that wingman in place now. 

She needs to be stronger than you.

She does not have to be {insert here} (skinnier, taller, prettier, etc.).  It’s not about that.  It’s about will.  She’s gotta have it.

She needs to be available.  Don’t pick your second cousin Leslie who just happens to be in jail at the moment.  Yeah she’s tough ‘n’ all but she can only call you Sunday nights after 7pm.  Not good.

She needs to have similar goals because you are riding her mojo. 

Lastly, she needs to know how to get it done.  You don’t want to be wandering in the desert for 40 years with this girl.  You want to get somewhere fast.

Right now it is all about staying on track.  Starting with the end in mind.  Doing your thing.  Getting it done.

Yes, you can do this without a good support network.  You can even do it without a good wingman.  But it won’t be anywhere near as enjoyable so do yourself a favor and go find one.  She’s ready and waiting to boss you around.;)

Or…watch your rear view mirror because whether you like it or not, you may be someone else’s wingman.

Happy Dieting!  Woop woop!:o)

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I am a pen fanatic. 

Actually, I am a pen, journal, notebook, audio book, make up and fitness fanatic.  But for right now I’ll just focus on the pens.

Not only am I a pen fanatic, but I am a ‘complete set’ pen fanatic.  So if I find a pen missing from the set of 8, I give the set to my kids and move on to the next set.  Yes, disturbing I know.  Disturbing enough that you are sitting there thinking, “umm..where are you going with this?” 

Well this morning I found a highlighter on my daughter’s desk that was part of a gorgeous set I had.  She essentially mangled it.  I will eventually get over it (after years of therapy, a mini public rant followed by a book deal and a bad reality series off shoot about the incident that doesn’t go anywhere) but it got me t’thinkin’:

Don’t you just hate it when…

            You have a favorite treadmill/elliptical/gauntlet etc. and someone is on it when you get to the gym.

            There is no one else in the gym and someone has to get on the machine right next to you—then turn up the tv!

            Your favorite class instructor is out and you were really looking forward to her class.

            Your gym changes its hours—and you didn’t remember. Boy it’s cold in the morning.

            You are ready to get-it-together-and-start-again-on-Monday-type-deal and you wake up (fill in the blank here: late,     sick, cranky, with a headache, sore, tired, somewhere unknown—sorry, that’s another post).

            Starbucks/Dunks runs out of your favorite coffee flavor or someone makes your coffee all wrong.

            You get to the gym and realize you forgot your sneakers.

            Your gym stops towel service—and didn’t tell you.

            For some reason, everyone is in the shower today and you have an 8am meeting.

            You forget your shampoo—and you realize in the shower.

            You are on a pee marathon (no idea why) and you cannot get anything done in your workout.

            You suddenly hate your playlist.

All of these only occur on Mondays.  It seems as if it happens no other day.  Then you spend the rest of the week using them as the ‘omen’ for your workouts and diet progress saying to yourself…

I would have lost those 2 pounds if:

            My favorite lunch place didn’t run out of chicken at the salad bar (you hate their tuna).

            I didn’t leave my lunch on the table when I was late this morning (see above).

            I liked the substitute instructor who taught for my favorite instructor (see above).

            My Monday wasn’t a total wash (see above).

            I paid attention to the new gym changes.

I could go on for days. 

Finding a way to get past these things makes us who we are or defines us as to who we are not.  You know it’s the holidays and these pitfalls are just lurking around every corner so be aware and be diligent. Do not let them get you down or define the rest of your week.  Mondays are just that, they’re Mondays.  They have nothing to do with Tuesdays, Wednesdays and etc.  So stay focused and stay healthy.

Do you have your most dreaded “I hate it when”?  Or a good gym-story-gone-bad?  Let us know so we can all share in your pain and laughter (and learn how to get around it too). WOOP WOOP!:o)

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The hardest thing about exercise is to start doing it. Once you are doing exercise regularly, the hardest thing is to stop it.

Erin Gray

Oh my goodness, is this not the truth!

Have you ever had a day long conversation with yourself as to why, when or how you are going to make it to the gym that day only to wear yourself out emotionally before you get there just talking about it so you don’t go? 

Have you ever determined that today was the day you were going to get back on the wagon and get it done and you pack a great lunch and put it in your gym bag to bring to work—and then leave it at the door?  Or better yet, your alarm didn’t go off.  Or you woke up sick.  Or you got called in early for work….

What is that about?  Is there some kind of Universal Sick Joke out there that just plagues us women with this stuff?  Guys do not go through this!  You know it and I know it.  Somehow they are impervious to wavering.  It’s either they are doing it or they are ok that they are not.  We, on the other hand, will begin a torturous rant in our head that starts out low and gets louder throughout the day like that bad music in Damien: The Omen that ends in a crescendo at night with us declaring war on the gym the next day.

When I am not “on”, my husband can wake up, work out in the cold basement, get the kids ready for school, make their lunches, change the oil in the car, re-finish the driveway and set up the Mid East for world peace talks and I haven’t even decided what gym pants I’m wearing that day—AND THEY’RE ALL BLACK!   What is that about?  What hit me over the head and took my mojo away?

And it happens fast doesn’t it?  One day we are on fire.  We are working out every day, packing our food, getting it together, losing inches, losing weight, losing time…just downright losing!  And then…it happens…who knows what it is—it’s as mysterious as ‘other natural flavors’, but it happens.  WHAMMO!  We can’t get out of bed, we can’t get a rhythm, we hate our food, we feel fat (we still weigh the same, though, go figure!)…what the????

OH THE JOYS AND PERILS OF BEING A WOMAN!!

How do we get back on track?  Become a psycho!

Oh we’ve all done it.  We may not admit it, but we have done it.  We’ve pulled out the big guns and we’ve made a pact with the evil exercise and diet spirits.  It goes a bit like this:

Conversation with yourself….

“What worked before?  Sigh.  What’s killing me now is I cannot focus.  How can I focus…?  No choice.  If I just eat chicken, sweet potato and green beans only for 7 to 10 days that’ll get me back on track! 

I gotta get to the gym.  Ugghhh!  I hate my workout right now. (Mind you it is brand new but this is what us women are plagued with).  I need something new and hard to give me a kick in the arse!  That’s it!  I will do a simulated Iron Man race everyday on the treadmill/bike/wave machine at the gym and then try advanced kettle bell training for martial artists to see if I can hang!  And then if I can make it through that, I’ll be good next week!”

I know I am not the only one.  In fact, not only am I not the only one, some of you are reading this thinking, “Hell, I would have taken it one step further and bought myself a gym bag, a matching outfit and a new lunch container just to seal the deal!”  Although, that does sound good!

So we put our psychosis into action, now what happens?

We become gym rats. 

Now 2 weeks later we have a 5 o’clock shadow, mussied hair and keen resolve that borders on scary.  Now we’re lecturing everybody!  Yes, looking down our nose at others wondering why they couldn’t seem to make the same illegal pact we did with the evil diet and exercise spirits and sell their soul to the green bean!  Are you too good for the green bean??  Woman, focus!  Hop on board with us and just get it over with…you know you want to do it! 

But now you have a new problem.  You are addicted…and you know—and I know—that if you stop, you’re done for.  So you keep going like a hamster in a wheel until someone says something to you that just clicks and gets you back to reality.  Sometimes it’s as simple as, “What the heck is the matter with you, you clown!  Get off the treadmill, it’s been 2 hours!”  Or, a loved one like a husband who taunts you with your weaknesses, “Oh we’re back on this now again.  How long is this going to last?”  That gets your head together because you can’t let him know he’s right and you’ve entered the ‘psycho zone’ so you begin to plan a sensible dismount to this insanity.  And you begin to get perspective.  And honestly, you’ve gotten over the hump so you are back to normal again of just working out and enjoying it.  You’ve also started seeing other veggies besides the green bean.  Good thing, too, you were feeling stifled by the relationship.

You can now enter normal civilization again having survived one of nature’s greatest mysteries:  the exercise slump.  Not sure what it is but there is no vaccination for it (thank goodness or NY would make it mandatory in gyms) and you have no idea when it’s going to strike.  Just know, we’ve all been there.

“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”

Grenville Kleiser

Enjoy your day and I hope I didn’t ruin it for anyone who brought chicken, sweet potato and green beans today!:o)

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Oh it’s about that time.

You know…when we stop being so serious about hormones, looks and such and discuss what’s really on our minds:  bad driving!

Oh you know it bothers you!  If it doesn’t, then you are who I am about to talk about!hehe

In this day and age, we need to be careful of stress.  Free radical damage is serious and having high levels of cortisol can cause your hormones to go out of whack (thereby causing unnecessary weight gain) and your body to be off kilter.  So how can we keep this happening?  GET RID OF THESE BAD DRIVERS!

OH HEAR ME WHEN I SPEAK, PLEASE!

If you think a stop sign secretly reads PARK–I am talking to you!  Please don’t camp out at these things!  They did not want you to stay for long so they made the sign short:  STOP.  Not…STOP AND READ THIS SIGN FOR 10 MIN WHILE CONTEMPLATING THE FONT USED ON THE SIGN AND THE SPECIAL COLOR RED IT IS PAINTED ON.  You got me?  OY!

If your car goes from 0 to 60 in 5 min.–remove it from the road!  You are a hazard to society.  If I can run beside your car the whole time while you are trying to gain speed, you need some new pistons.  Honestly!

If you drive so slow that my 3 year old has to call you out: “Mama, why you behind dis’ slow poke?  MOVE! Mama, can you go pass him? Pass him, mama!  MOVE IT!”  It’s a shame folks but he’s learning early!

If you slow down to gawk at an accident I hope you pop a tire on any free flying glass!  It’s you clowns who cause 5:00 o’clock traffic!  In fact, you also slow down for tire changers AND disabled vehicles.  You deserve to run out of a gas on a long stretch of road…in the dark…in a foreign country…while it’s snowing…up hill…both ways…lol.

lastly…

If you cannot solve a rubiks cube with one hand while building a lego castle with the other, don’t talk on the phone while driving.  Clearly this task is beyond you.  I have had the luxury of seeing some outrageous things lately like talking on the phone while eating and driving a stick.  Actually, that was me, but I got it done!  Unlike these other yoyos who try it and end up 3 lanes over straddling 2 lanes at the same time.  This also applies to putting on make up while driving too!  Honestly, lip liner is meant to line your lips–not trace your major facial features!  Try a mirror in your bathroom please…

Keeping your stress levels down is key to a beautiful face and body.  I recommend that you pull over, stop the car and help a fellow brother or sister out by turning the car off.  Walk to the nearest bus stop and get on.  Suddenly, they will notice fine lines and wrinkles disappearing and their youthful glow will be back.  It’s time for you to give back to others and get off of the road.  This has been a public service announcement from your local annoyed trainer/nutritionist.  Peace!

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I am asked every day ‘what supplements should I be taking?’  I am always blown away by this question.  Mostly because those who ask me are typically eating the same foods day in and day out–and not necessarily bad, but definitely not close to the best diet out there.  But I get the draw to supplements:  let me take a pill that will solve my problem of having to think.  I don’t want to think about adding variety to my menu. I don’t want to think about eating lots of fruits and vegetables.  I don’t want to think of another type of starchy carb to eat so I will just eat oatmeal everyday, 3 times a day. 

Supplements solve problems.  Need your omegas?  Have a fish oil cap.  Brittle bones?  Try some calcium.  Knees hurt?  How about some glucosamine.  Whether it works or not, pills are simple.  Who wants to try and cook fish for some healthy omegas, resistance train for bone health or take care of their extremeties via icing, wrapping and proper foot wear.  For crying out loud, that’s work!

I think we should have supplements for everything:  Divorce?  Take a St. John’s Lawyer at least once a day to ensure a good settlement.  Unexpected pregancy in marriage?  Have 1000 mg of Emergen-C and quickly get some Calm yourself tea (decaffinated of course!).  Need to drop dime on a scandalous coworker?  Take 2 Milk Whistle (blowers) per day and avoid them in the lunch room. 

If only we could solve a million issues with suppies and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg, I would invest in a supplement company.  But they really don’t solve all those issues and most of the time they make a whole new set of issues for you instead.  I am not saying that multi vitamins and fish oil caps are a waste of time.  On the contrary, they are fabulous additions to your daily regimen.  All I am saying is before you want to invest $30 in the latest vitamin trend, clean up your own diet first.  It’s much more effective (and cheaper) in the long run.

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