June 6th, 2013
by Jodi · Filed Under: Ponderings
“It takes all types to move the world”, my mother used to say that to us kids almost daily. Normally, she would say that in response to something wacky she saw on the news. I am going to borrow that saying from my mom and use it as framework for something that applies to us which is ‘it takes all types of things to motivate those in the world’. Some folks are motivated by negative feedback: if he thinks that, I’ll show ‘em. Some by positive things: you look great, girl–are you losing weight? Me? I was motivated by success. In fact, I will take it one step further and say, I expected it. Up until 2004, there was not anything I did not achieve if I wanted it and put my mind to it. Failure, of any kind, was not an option.
To have a mindset like that is basically a tragic situation waiting to happen. For one, it is not realistic. At some point, I was going to meet my match. For two, it is obnoxiously arrogant and sadly naïve. I believed I was infallible when really I was just young and dumb. Had I traveled the world or looked beyond my nose, I would have realized there was much I could not do. And lastly, it drastically set me up for failure because the thing that held me back from getting my act together sooner was me trying to wrap my head around failing. Not being in control, not liking my circumstances, not knowing what I did wrong, not being humble enough to ask for help, not being patient and so on were all behaviors that stemmed from not succeeding at something I had set out to do. I would have had to tell someone that I did not know what I was doing which at that time I would have rather had you remove my finger nails down to the nail bed with a box cutter than tell you I didn’t have a clue.
When you are of that mindset and you are presented with a situation that you cannot “conquer” and you are not ready to admit that you are human and the body does not have to follow your rules, what’s the natural thing to do? Barrel through it and show it who’s boss! Sigh. Welcome to the 2006, 2008-2009 Demolition Derby (remember, 2007 was the ‘Year That Never Was’). Folks, please stay seated throughout and keep your hands in the ride until it comes to complete stop. Off and on, during those three years, I had waves of anger (I’ll tell you about that tomorrow) that showed up in various ways and dictated my behavior:
Decathlon-style working out: If you do not know what this is, you have no idea what you are missing. A decathlon is an athletic contest comprising ten different track-and-field events but for me it was working out, in 2006, on a level that would boggle your mind. I was that girl who would work out in the gym and then come home and do lunges while cleaning then run up and down the stairs about ten times putting clothes away (this was back when I did housework—don’t tell hubby I said that) all before going on a 5 mile walk with my son. Really? All this after I just had a baby by emergency c-section. Seriously?
Grand opening/grand closing: This is when you “start a new plan” but the plan is so outrageously unrealistic that it is a shame. I would want to go from zero to sixty in 2 weeks and then plan to stay like that for 10 weeks or so. Why? I can tell you not because I thought it was healthy or prudent. But because I could not stand to be where I was any longer. Could not. Now this is closely related to AoN and is basically the catalyst but the feeling that drove AoN was Demolition Derby. I am going to obliterate this fat if it is the last thing that I do!
Distractivitis: This is a dangerous condition that creeps on slowly. As you enter into a cycle of failure known as DIYD into AoN with waves of DD, you can no longer stand being in your presence. Silence or time off is your enemy so you work like a psycho/go back to school and get 3 more degrees/become a missionary in the Congo/help NASA with the Space Station, etc., because dang it, you’re going to be good at something! And we’re not going to sit around and be called lazy (because that’s not the problem…drowning is the problem), we have people to help, things to do and vaccinations that need to be discovered. Move out of the way.
Bad case of Al Bundy: Does anybody remember Al Bundy from Married With Children. I used to love that show. Al lived in the past all time and would recount his high school days of football like they still mattered 25 years later. Yeah…I get it. No, I did not endlessly talk about my “heyday” or anything sad like that, but I would want to go into the gym and lift like I just left the 2008 Strongman contest the week before with the first place trophy even though I really should have been at the National Shuffle Board contest instead as a caddy! There was no common sense going on here, ladies, I am sorry to say. I would set up a decathlon-style workout that would have a grand opening, blow out something on me—Lord only knows what—have the grand closing of that program, settle into distractivitis and then talk trash in my head because of AoN. Can anyone relate? Wonder why I can call your stuff to the carpet so quick and can’t get anything past me? OY!!!!!!!!!!
Jurassic Park: Here is a movie that I have never seen in its entirety but I use all the time as an example and I am using it again today. In the movie, the people would hide from the dinosaurs by saying, “If you don’t move, they can’t see you” and for me it was more like, “If I don’t acknowledge it, it really didn’t happen”. This causes some awkward moments in your life that can be both horrific and embarrassing and certainly not worth it. This could show up at the gym because you want to ‘do what you did before’ and not realize that you are about to kill yourself and everyone in the gym knows this but you. This could show up at a family barbeque because you want to race the little kids as if you are still in the same shape you were before but what really ends up happening is that you roll your ankle and now everyone has to empty the ice out of the cooler for your sorry behind. This is the thing that shows up as we age and causes us to not warm up or cool down for exercise as well as not stretch afterwards, too, because ‘we don’t need to do that’. What kind of nonsense is that? Sad. This is a scary condition and needs to be nipped in the bud real quick. Again, get a girlfriend who’s not afraid to tell you that you are being a clown.
All of this came about because of what I put value on: my body, my athleticism, my work ethic. Although they are great things to have, they are not all of who I am. That was my number one mistake. Every single one of those things are fleeting, at best. They will not last, nor will they withstand the test of time. At some point, when they fade away, you will be left asking one of two things: where’s my mojo (series to the right) or why am I bothering? Either one is going to derail you for quite some time if you are not willing to look deep inside and answer some very scary questions. Success, although it is wonderful to some extent, is poisonous when you have too much of it. There needs to be a healthy balance in your life of ups and downs 1) so you can grow as a person and 2) so that you can stay realistic in life.
Tomorrow I will be making my last P.A.S.S. on this topic. Stop by to see what that stands for and how it changed who I was. Woop woop!!