We are in the middle of the gastrointestinal nightmare series defined by bloated bellies and leaky butts (yeah I said that…what are you gonna do about it?) so I feel obligated to ask the one question I always feel is necessary:  Is it worth it?  Seriously.  Is all the worry, stress, hustle and bustle worth it in your life when it is all said and done?

Back in the day, and I mean back in the day, I was at UMass Boston taking an exam to get my ACSM personal trainer certification.  I think at the time I was also a stay at home mom, group fitness instructor, NASA astronaut, part time pastry chef, Red Cross volunteer and candy striper.  Honestly, there wasn’t much I wasn’t doing during this time.  I had supernatural powers and supernatural energy.  But I was missing some major medical signs that all wasn’t well in Dodge (I really had a knack for this—what a clown I was) because I routinely had a “nervous belly” and really didn’t do much to fix it.  So here I am in the middle of an exam and I have to “go”.  No…I mean GO.  Like right then.  Pronto.  Clear a path.  No turning back, it was coming.  And I remember the proctor not wanting to let me go but I think the sweat on my forehead told him something wasn’t right and he acquiesced.  This was one of those situations where I knew that I wasn’t going to use a bathroom in the building that was within 2 floors of where that test was being taken.  Is anyone hearing me right now?   I believe on that day I cleared out all vegetation within a 3 mile zone of the school.  I lost some of the information I studied that day in the bathroom.  It was tragic.  It was humbling.  And when I finally went to the doc, it was IBS.

What Is Our Gig?

Why do we feel it so necessary to overachieve on a level that is almost comical?  I talk to some of you and wonder how you have time to actually go to the bathroom never mind anything else.  There comes a time when we have to take a long hard look at ourselves and say, “What do you think you’re proving right now because nobody notices what you’re doing but you.  Either I get over the martyr routine or I need to demand recognition.  But enough is enough.”  Most of us have been this way since birth but at some point, this took a wrong turn and started to become caustic.  We are adrenaline junkies.  We live on the high of psychoticness but guess what?  Your body can’t keep up and it’s starting to show.

Sorry, I Have To Say It

If you have ever said to someone in defense of your insanity, “if I don’t do it, it’ll never get done” or “I’m the only one who knows how to…” or “no one else will help me, can help me, is competent…etc”  I have 3 words for you:  Get. Over. Yourself.  I am not saying this to be rude—I am saying it to save you.  It is the best thing anybody ever said to me because I was the QUEEN of Savioritis.  If you think that the world will stop revolving if you step off it, you are sadly mistaken.  You are not your family’s savior.  You are not your work’s savior.  You have not been commissioned by the US Govt to make sure all of America is getting along just fine.  Trust me, the world will keep on keepin’ on without you solving the Cuban Missle Crisis.  Please stop auditioning for work on the Bodie Plantation and start living life.  Your family and your colon will thank you.

Shaken, Not Stirred

Coming home every night to chaos and mayhem only to “unwind” by having a glass of wine is like going to Chuck E Cheese to have an intimate dinner with your man.  Alcohol is a stimulant and is about as effective at relaxing you as a colonic performed with a garden hose.  Yes, you have an initial giddy phase where you feel loose and happy (accidentally start snapping photos and over sharing on FB—we know, we know) but then it wears off after you face plant into your bed at night and then spend at least an hour or two staring at the ceiling.  This does nothing for your stress levels except to raise them even higher.  There has to be something better like reading, meditating or deep sea diving.

I’m Continually Amazed

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, “How do you know what I am thinking?  It’s like you’re in my head.”  Do you want to know how?  Because I was you but on crack!  Whatever you do now, I did on a level that defied logic and gravity.  I had ISSUES.  No…I-S-S-U-E-S.  My husband can look at me at times and just shake his head.  It’s a shame.  I say all that so I can emphasize this one point:  slowwwww dowwwwwwn.  Please.  You will miss your children’s lives, your husband’s life, your own life and your colon if not.  Ninety nine percent of all our gastric trouble is self induced by our hectic lifestyle—I just totally pulled that out of my arse but if it scares you even just a little bit to slow down, I’ll stand by it.   I no longer suffer from IBS, constipation and so on (although I can occasionally levitate in my office, just sayin’) and it is because the pace of my life changed, not the quality of my food.

We need to talk supplements and thyroid.  More to come!!  Woop woop!

Previous Series Post Next Post in Series

Yesterday I introduced the three most popular conditions that I hear about when it comes to tummy issues and I did it in a very “basic information” sort of way.   You can find a ton of info out there about them but most of the information is very general in that all the sites sort of say the same thing.  Any time someone wants to tell me to “eat better” as a way to fix the issue, I tend to tune them out because we, on a whole, have already solved that problem.  This then sends me on a hunt as to what may also be the issue or what may be the alternate remedy.  The other thing is that I am not really interested in solving the problem with an Over The Counter drug simply because if we are working this hard to eat clean and exercise, an OTC seems out of place in our lives.  We tend to want a natural remedy that reflects our more natural type of lifestyle.  This brings me to today’s post.  I am not about to give you a host of remedies, I think that would not be cool; But I am going to show you how detailed you can be about what you are going through and that it really benefits you to be in tune with your symptoms.

If you ever have the pleasure (I say that with a giggle) to speak with me, you will find that you cannot say something to me in passing and I just let it go.  I have been told that I am a dog with a bone, worse than someone’s mother, a pitbull and so on when it comes to your health and what you think is nothing is typically something.  There’s also no such thing as TMI in my book.  Please…keep that in mind.  I will ask you ALL kinds of questions if I think that there is something fishy going on.  I always say this, and I do mean this, I am not a doctor.  What I am is an air traffic controller and I am here to keep you from ignoring the big pink elephant in the room.

This is why I am about to provide the following two lists for you, because if you could, you would just ignore what your body is telling you and just keep trying to lose weight.  But here is another thing I always say, ‘only healthy people can lose weight.’  If you are backed up or leaking like a cracked pipe, you can forget changing your body composition.  Your body has priorities and healing is number 1.  Not weight loss.    You may think the occasional bout of constipation, diarrhea, gas or bloating is no big deal, but maybe you’ll think differently if you know it comes with other symptoms.   The following two lists are different ways each of the 2 conditions can manifest in your body.  Each bullet point is its own manifestation.  You should only have one bullet point.  If you have more than one, get to a doc even faster.  The lists come from Prescription for Natural Cures by James Balch MD, Mark Stengler MD and Robin Balch ND, 2004.

Constipation

• Going days without going and when you finally do it’s hard and dry.  You also have sudden, noticeable memory issues.
• No desire to go at all and when you do it’s hard and dry.  This comes with great thirst, irritability and you may have a headache.
• Chronic constipation with chills and clammy hands.  You may also feel overwhelmed.
• Constipation with bloating and bad gas.  Cravings for sweets are out of control and symptoms are worse in late afternoon.  You feel better when you drink something warm.
• Constipation with a strong craving for salt and water.  You may be depressed and also light sensitive.
• Having an urgent feeling to go but can’t.  You may be irritable and/or feel overstressed.
• Constipation with PMS or menopause.  Could be chilly, irritable and having a really hard time going when you do.
• Can go but it is work!  Not coming out without a fight.  May have chills also and you are generally lean.
• Back and forth between constipation and diarrhea.  May have strong thirst for freezing cold drinks.

Diarrhea

• Comes with rumbling and gurgling in the tummy followed by an explosion.  Could be discolored and mucus filled.
• Comes with anticipation of a stressful event or eating way too much sugar.
• Diarrhea and vomiting together.  You may be anxious, restless and chilly.  There may be blood in stool.  This could be food poisoning if the first time happening.
• Comes with extreme exhaustion and weakness.
• Comes with nausea.
• Painful diarrhea that’s accompanied by extreme sweating and spasms of the intestines.
• May just be watery but not fully diarrhea.  Typically smells foul.  You may be anxious and crave cold drinks.
• May happen after eating greasy foods or certain fruits.  You feel better in open air than in a warm room.
• Burning, explosive diarrhea that smells like rotten eggs.  You have extreme thirst for cold drinks.

There you have it.  The TMI list of all TMI lists.  But I want to tell you how necessary something like this is.  Many times we discount the thing we’re going through as it’s all the same thing and it is not.  So when your doctor, or someone psychotically detail oriented like myself, asks you questions  you may not understand why.  Or when you slap a general remedy on it but it doesn’t seem to help.  Each one of these has a different cause and a different natural remedy.  It is imperative to pay attention to your digestive system because just like your period, it is an infamous Town Crier ready to tattle on you at the drop of a hat.

We’re moving on.  Yes.  There is more TMI to be exposed.  We’re a hot bed for conditions.  Woop woop!

Previous Series Post Next Post in Series

Waking up every morning to a flat stomach is a great feeling.  Not just because we all want a flat belly, but because it typically means we feel good, too.  But as the day wears on, many of us begin to bloat, become gassy or our stomachs start to complain with this occurring on a near daily basis.  Since our diets tend to be free of the usual suspects (processed food, cheese and excessive sweeteners) we are left to wonder what are we doing wrong and why do we need to burn a hole through our office chair when no one is around?

Aside from the normal issues associated with diarrhea, constipation and persistent gas, I wanted to take you into the land of naturopathic medicine and give you a few more things to think about other than the normal causes and remedies.

Diarrhea

What is it? Annoying and smelly.  Great combo right there; makes you just want to have it weekly.

Normal Causes: Incomplete digestion, food poisoning, artificial sweeteners

Notable Causes: Emotional stress—I see this a lot.  We must find ways to manage our stress better.  We tend to forget that running, plyos, cardio and lifting are also a form of stress to the body so we heap on more stress on top of good stress.  From here we just become one big leaky gut.  Chron’s or ulcerative colitis—Here is another common one that you would not necessarily think about but many of us suffer from it.  If you are having chronic diarrhea and have just said ‘what the heck about it’, get this checked out!  Vitamin Deficiency—specifically A, B and zinc.  I know we think we eat healthy so we don’t need to supplement, but that’s crap (pardon the pun).  We play hard and eat lite.  Stay on top of your vitamins.

Treatment: The easiest by far is the BRAT diet.  Go here before going to Immodium.  BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apples and toast) starts out with chicken broth first.  Just plain old chicken broth with lots of sodium in it.  Do that for about 2 meals, then add rice at the next meal.  If you can hold all that in, add a piece of dry toast with that soup next meal.  If all goes well, have a banana or an apple/sauce.  Lastly, add in plain chicken for stability and you should be good to go by then.  If it’s really severe, start with  rice water first:  1 cup rice boiled in 5 cups water for 45 min.  Have it throughout the day before venturing into the BRAT diet.

Constipation

What is it? A traffic jam that when released, causes the scale to drop as much as 3 pounds.

Normal Causes: Dehydration!

Notable causes: Not going when you have to—if you have to go, then go.  Don’t hold back for long periods of time because that can have major consequences.  Magnesium deficiency—now do you see why I am psycho about it?  This is just one of the benefits of Mg.  Depression—need I say more?  Very prevalent in the clean eating community.  Hypothyroidism—if you can’t kick start your system, you can’t really kick the colon into action either.  This is a good sign as to whether they have you dialed into the right dose of thyroid med.

Treatment: Start with a fiber product.  Use laxatives only as last resort.  Teas work really well.  But here are some things you may not have thought of:  Guacamole—with or without chips, enough of this stuff can make the meal you at on prom night fall out of you.  It’s called greasin’ the groove.  As a side note…do not have this or salmon or anything high fat the day before a long run.  That’ll be an inconvenient run if ever there was one.  Do NOT have fiber—if you have gone 5 or 6 days without going, fiber at this point is like stuffing cotton into your eardrum.  It doesn’t make sense.  Instead, try a stool softener.  It will work much better.

Gas

What is it? Embarrassing and revealing all at the same time.

Here’s the deal: All of us have gas all the time.  It’s normal.  But when it starts to smell like first days of the Boston Harbor Project at low tide, something is wrong.  If you have adequate variety in your diet, this should not be a huge issue.  But if you insist on eating only 2 veggies and they are broccoli and kale, you may have the ability to clear out a commuter train at 5pm.  Also, I find that because our meals are packed for the day and we tend to either eat them cold or eat them rapidly, that our digestion is typically poor.  Slow down, heat up your food and take time to eat it.  You could be saving yourself some money in the long run with all the candles you won’t have to buy.

Treatment: Digestive enzymes, glutamine and probiotics.  Most of us run out and get the probiotics and we forget about the enzymes.  More on those later.

We have more to delve into over the next few days.  Bloating is caused by much more than what’s here.  I am finding we have stomach issues and liver problems, as well.  More than anything I really want you to reduce your stress.  That includes working out too much.  Ya hear me?  Woop woop!

Next Post in Series