The hardest thing about exercise is to start doing it. Once you are doing exercise regularly, the hardest thing is to stop it.

Erin Gray

Oh my goodness, is this not the truth!

Have you ever had a day long conversation with yourself as to why, when or how you are going to make it to the gym that day only to wear yourself out emotionally before you get there just talking about it so you don’t go? 

Have you ever determined that today was the day you were going to get back on the wagon and get it done and you pack a great lunch and put it in your gym bag to bring to work—and then leave it at the door?  Or better yet, your alarm didn’t go off.  Or you woke up sick.  Or you got called in early for work….

What is that about?  Is there some kind of Universal Sick Joke out there that just plagues us women with this stuff?  Guys do not go through this!  You know it and I know it.  Somehow they are impervious to wavering.  It’s either they are doing it or they are ok that they are not.  We, on the other hand, will begin a torturous rant in our head that starts out low and gets louder throughout the day like that bad music in Damien: The Omen that ends in a crescendo at night with us declaring war on the gym the next day.

When I am not “on”, my husband can wake up, work out in the cold basement, get the kids ready for school, make their lunches, change the oil in the car, re-finish the driveway and set up the Mid East for world peace talks and I haven’t even decided what gym pants I’m wearing that day—AND THEY’RE ALL BLACK!   What is that about?  What hit me over the head and took my mojo away?

And it happens fast doesn’t it?  One day we are on fire.  We are working out every day, packing our food, getting it together, losing inches, losing weight, losing time…just downright losing!  And then…it happens…who knows what it is—it’s as mysterious as ‘other natural flavors’, but it happens.  WHAMMO!  We can’t get out of bed, we can’t get a rhythm, we hate our food, we feel fat (we still weigh the same, though, go figure!)…what the????

OH THE JOYS AND PERILS OF BEING A WOMAN!!

How do we get back on track?  Become a psycho!

Oh we’ve all done it.  We may not admit it, but we have done it.  We’ve pulled out the big guns and we’ve made a pact with the evil exercise and diet spirits.  It goes a bit like this:

Conversation with yourself….

“What worked before?  Sigh.  What’s killing me now is I cannot focus.  How can I focus…?  No choice.  If I just eat chicken, sweet potato and green beans only for 7 to 10 days that’ll get me back on track! 

I gotta get to the gym.  Ugghhh!  I hate my workout right now. (Mind you it is brand new but this is what us women are plagued with).  I need something new and hard to give me a kick in the arse!  That’s it!  I will do a simulated Iron Man race everyday on the treadmill/bike/wave machine at the gym and then try advanced kettle bell training for martial artists to see if I can hang!  And then if I can make it through that, I’ll be good next week!”

I know I am not the only one.  In fact, not only am I not the only one, some of you are reading this thinking, “Hell, I would have taken it one step further and bought myself a gym bag, a matching outfit and a new lunch container just to seal the deal!”  Although, that does sound good!

So we put our psychosis into action, now what happens?

We become gym rats. 

Now 2 weeks later we have a 5 o’clock shadow, mussied hair and keen resolve that borders on scary.  Now we’re lecturing everybody!  Yes, looking down our nose at others wondering why they couldn’t seem to make the same illegal pact we did with the evil diet and exercise spirits and sell their soul to the green bean!  Are you too good for the green bean??  Woman, focus!  Hop on board with us and just get it over with…you know you want to do it! 

But now you have a new problem.  You are addicted…and you know—and I know—that if you stop, you’re done for.  So you keep going like a hamster in a wheel until someone says something to you that just clicks and gets you back to reality.  Sometimes it’s as simple as, “What the heck is the matter with you, you clown!  Get off the treadmill, it’s been 2 hours!”  Or, a loved one like a husband who taunts you with your weaknesses, “Oh we’re back on this now again.  How long is this going to last?”  That gets your head together because you can’t let him know he’s right and you’ve entered the ‘psycho zone’ so you begin to plan a sensible dismount to this insanity.  And you begin to get perspective.  And honestly, you’ve gotten over the hump so you are back to normal again of just working out and enjoying it.  You’ve also started seeing other veggies besides the green bean.  Good thing, too, you were feeling stifled by the relationship.

You can now enter normal civilization again having survived one of nature’s greatest mysteries:  the exercise slump.  Not sure what it is but there is no vaccination for it (thank goodness or NY would make it mandatory in gyms) and you have no idea when it’s going to strike.  Just know, we’ve all been there.

“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”

Grenville Kleiser

Enjoy your day and I hope I didn’t ruin it for anyone who brought chicken, sweet potato and green beans today!:o)