Week 4 is here and now we’re into remembering what food used to taste like.  We actually reminisce from time to time what cheese was like and how awesome it is and we wonder if we’ll ever have it again.   Then we think of the goal date and snap out of it.

GUIDELINES FOR WEEK 4

• Anything and everything extraneous comes out of the diet.  Everything.
• Condiments like mustard, vinegar (any kind), ketchup and so on are still fine but all else has to go.
• Lose the nutbutters and any other inefficient fat to trim back on the choices.
• Increase water and maybe even cardio at this point.  You should be 2/3 of way to weight goal or size goal by now.

PITFALLS

• You will cut out too much, go too extreme and doubt your way into misery.
• Get objective feedback.  If someone says you look good—believe them or don’t ask them.

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”  Eric Hoffer

I opened up this series by stating that dieting is personal and it is about this time that we begin to realize how personal it is.  With 4 weeks left to goal, we are visibly different than when we started and we are just now getting a true taste of how intoxicating adoration can be.  But there is an ugly relative of adoration who reaches just as far into our souls but is nowhere near as nice.  This relative is known as unwarranted comments and it is quite powerful.

I think we all in our lifetime have had to swallow a dose of someone else’s vinegar and for the most part, we can handle it.  But when the comments come daily and most of them from people you do not know, it becomes a bit much.  Soon we begin to stoop to their level with retorts that are not necessarily pleasant or with shame/anger that makes us sulk for the rest of the day because we have had a personal lifestyle choice judged by a complete stranger.  It is vital for our survival to understand that our choices have condemned theirs and do not truly reflect who we are but more what they are not doing, so we must instantly reject their comments and not receive them in our hearts.  I am sure you think you do that when you get in your car and text your girlfriend the whole exchange that went down, but the fact that we thought about it after it happened enough to text someone the whole exchange, means that we made it ours.  Stop, right then and there, and categorically reject people’s unnecessary, hurtful opinions by loving them with everything you got.

I know you’re going to ask me how to do that so let’s get right to it:

SCENARIO #1

You’re at a restaurant.  You just ordered a meal that was initially lasagna but after all your substitutions and requests it was essentially baked cod with steamed vegetables (we have a talent for this).  The waitress is annoyed, to say the least.  She takes the time out of her day to snarkly say to you “I think you can afford to have a little fat in the meal, don’t you think?”

Bad response: “I think I can afford to have a whole lot more than you, killah.  Meet you on the arc trainer in the morning? Hmmm??  I’ll bring the motivation, you bring the rest of the steak n cheese you’re going to have for dinner tonight and we’ll have a good time.  Don’t you think?”  Umm…not the way to handle that.

Good response: “To be honest, I’m super blessed to be able to afford this meal of which I am really looking forward to.  Thank you for asking.”  Said with a sincere and true smile.  Finish by telling her you like her hair or something.  Works great on getting the point across that you are not in the least bit affected and you are into giving folks second chances.  Don’t be surprised if she’s your best friend by the end.

SCENARIO #2

You’re at the gym.  You’re working out in typical leave-me-alone gear:  hoodie, hat, ipod, smelly shirt with baggy sweatpants.   Everything about you says “back-the-heck-off.”  Here she comes…off your right flank…there’s nowhere to hide…she’s gotcha now:  “Wow.  You look great.  When is your wedding?  Four weeks?  Great job, girl. I can’t wait to see your pictures. (This is called The Setup.  Don’t worry, she has an agenda.)  Are you worried that you’ll be able to keep it off after?  I know lots of girls who rebound after dieting like that.  It’s so extreme, ya know?”  WHAMMO!  You didn’t even see it coming.  That’s called the old let-me-pee-in-your-cereal-trick.  Works like a charm.

Bad response: “Extreme?  You’ve been here for 2 hours, talked to 8 people, been briefed on the tactical operations happening on cardio and surveyed the weight room and you want to call me extreme?  Girl, you better realize you’re in a gym and go find yourself a weight.  You know, those heavy things that change your shape (look her up and down)—for the better.”  At this point I would say you’re bitter.  Go eat a starch.

Good response: “You know I have thought about that and I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Nothing I am doing right now is extreme but I honestly cannot tell you what I will be like at that time, I’ve never done this before.  I hope you supported the girls who rebounded.  That has to be hard and I would think they need support more than anything else.”  That leaves her realizing that she just said something nasty.  It may take a while to seep in, but it’ll get there.

SCENARIO #3

You’re at your in-laws.  It’s Thanksgiving.  You’ve got a MIL who doesn’t mince words.  No set up needed for this one, she’s heck on wheels, “Frank, pass the plate to your wife.  She’s needs some more food on her plate.”  Now looking at you she adds, “You’re getting too skinny and quite frankly it’s not attractive.”

Bad response: “You have hair on your chin, you’re going to tell me what’s attractive?  Not for nothing but–”  Now I’m going to cut you off right there.  Knock it off, that’s your MIL.

Good response: “I thank you for your concern, BettyAnn.  I do wonder, at times, if I would know if this ever got out of hand but I know that I can count on you to keep my head on tight.  I am comfortable where I am at now but it’s comforting to know that you have my best interest in mind.”  You just put a cigarette out in her head with that comment.  Works even more if you mean it so show some love there.  Got me? She’ll be wondering the whole night if that was for real or not.

I’m afraid the last one is about fear.  Get ready for that on Monday.  In the mean time, let me know some of the crazy things people have said to you and how you’ve handled it.  Cool?  Woop woop!

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Recently I read an article that debunked the statement that the world is getting dumber every year.  This has been going on for some time now because many people claim that our children are not as smart as generations before them since they can no longer do math by hand or type a straightforward letter.  Simply not true says the article and how they clear this myth up is by saying that the measuring rod is moved up every year to keep the kids looking dumb but in reality their IQ scores are actually 24 points higher than ours were back in the day.  (I, personally, find that hard to believe since rap has eroded into a hodge podge of non-sense otherwise known as Lil’ Wayne and TV has shows like the Kardashians and Jersey Shore dominate the air waves—but hey, what do I know?)  But something is up because I feel like I am caught in a time warp labeled Ground Hog Day and my days are filled with having the same conversation over and over again.  Can’t some things just go away?

I have spoken about Snopes.com and UrbanLegend.com and really love them for getting rid of internet hoax stuff but why can’t we have one for exercise and nutrition?  There would be some serious information removed from the web if this was enacted and it would probably put some magazines out of business. It would also create peace of mind for those of us who are in the business of making hot bodies so we could exit the Vortex of bad information and never ending myths.  I honestly feel like there is some high level conspiracy out there that keeps these myths-a-coming at a rate faster than the average trainer can quench.  (Hence the woman at the gym who still does side bends with weights.)

Seeing as this week is all about reality, it’s only appropriate to continue on from building into the most controversial topics of all, dieting.  We need to dispel some hype behind dieting so that on Monday, when you become the most focused woman to ever hit the planet, it lasts long enough to take you into Tuesday.  Cool?

WHAT IT IS

Dieting is a way of life that starts every Monday.  Somewhere between the ages of 0 and 4 we are taught that anything that tastes good needs to be severely restricted.  By 7 we are fully dieting even though we don’t even need to lose weight.  It is now taught as a part of science in the 7^th grade and shows up at times on the SATs as a “test” question (you know, the ones that don’t count):  “If Jane spends 2 hours on the TM per day, eats only lettuce and chicken for every meal except breakfast for which she has sawdust and pushes her car to work, how much weight will she lose by the end of the week?” Pick from one of the following:

• 1 pound

• 2 pounds

• 3 pounds

• None—she lost her mind on the 2^nd day and tore through her refrigerator like the Tazmanian Devil on crack.  Now she’s up 5.  Is it Monday yet?

TECHNICAL FACTS TO CHEW ON

Training:  Fast and furious.  No circuit training!!  Metabolic confusion all the way.

Food:  Some…but not much.  No matter how much you are told not to, you will over diet.

Supplements:  A few but nothing like building.  Fish oil is a must.

Rest:  As much as possible but since you’ll be ready to digest your innards, you’ll have a hard time sleeping.  Herbal tea comes in handy here.

THE FINE PRINT

All kidding aside (for maybe one paragraph, I can’t promise), there is nothing romantic about dieting.  Some of us begin the dreams of tricked out Coach coolers with designer chicken in them complete with matching Lulu Lemon pants and tops as if that combo has guaranteed a certain amount of weight loss.  And depending on where you are in your weight loss journey, nothing—not even dieting—can guarantee you some weight loss.  However, none of that is going to help you out when you find yourself in week 5 of dieting, down only a pound and fully frustrated that it seemed much easier the first time around.  Psst…it was easier.

First, whatever you did before to get lean is not going to work this time.  Wait, let me repeat that because I know you didn’t hear that and you’re going to shoot me an email that says, “I did such and such before so I’m going to do it again.  Could you tell me…”  and I’m going to be forced to jump through my computer screen and give you a noogie.  Whatever…you did…prior to today…to get lean…will not…that means won’t… “work”…the second time around.  I don’t care if you don’t use marinade on your meat or if you wear a weight vest during cardio; whatever you do the second time around better be better than the first.  Period.

Second, you will not lose like the first time around.  So as you gear up for next week as the week you’re about to put  the smack down on those 13 pounds you deposited this season, know that it will not come off like some kind of linear magic:  Week 1= 2 #, Week 2=2#, Week 3=1#  and so on.  Instead, it will look more like

(X² + Y² – Z_happiness)/significant other = I ^{meltdown at the mall}

and you will lose nothing for about 3 weeks and then suddenly drop 4 pounds in two days and so the madness continues.

Just like building, there are some things you need to consider when embarking on a 12 week diet to lean out:

• You will automatically forget how hard it was the first time and think it should come off easier and faster than it does.

• You have less patience.

• It’s not fun anymore so you are less willing to suffer for the cause.  You will cut corners, nibble, complain, nag, question and doubt from day 1.  This is the same for having babies.  When you get pregnant with number 2, you are in your doctor’s office trying to get an epidural at week 10 of your pregnancy talking about your back hurts already.  It’s a long haul.

• Give yourself an extra 14 days to get back in the groove.  You will be RUSTY on Monday.

• For the first month you will have at least 10 engagements to go to that involve open bar, buffet, dim sum and any other smorgasbord type of arrangement that’s going to remind you how long 12 weeks really is.

• You will lose in the mirror before you do on the scale!!!!!!!  Do not forget this or you will sabotage your progress!

• You will think you are fatter than you really are which will make you make bad dieting decisions.  This is the weight loss factor.  Multiply it by the number of pounds you have to lose and that’s how big you think you are.  WLF=3.  Have to lose 10.  Crap, I’m up 30.

Ok…you know the deal.  Tomorrow I put numbers to this and break it down because as funny as this is, it really is scary and this is where we lose our minds as sane, informed women.  You can diet successfully the second time around; it’s just not as easy as it sounds.  But the good news is it’s doable!  Armed with the right information, you can absolutely make this goal happen as opposed to going in blindsided and crashing and burning by week 4.  Cool?  See you tomorrow.  Woop woop!

During a typical work week I come across a myriad of people with all kinds of fitness questions. 

Can I eat this food?

I heard that this makes you gain weight.

Tell me honestly, do I really have to do that to be successful?

Those kinds of questions.  And normally the person asking me seems to be pretty balanced in their approach to me.  They are not too tense or too overly anxious; some of them are genuinely interested in all I have to say whereas others just want me to get to the punch line: so, what’s gonna make me hot?  All in all I am pretty used to a Q & A session when I either go to meet a client or speak somewhere and etc. Yesterday, however, I was reminded again of how important it is not to take life or dieting to seriously and to be aware of how your dieting may be affecting others. 

You always hear people say it’s the journey that counts—not the destination—and etc.  How they should take this one day at a time.  They cannot be perfect so don’t try to be.  Cut yourself some slack and be prepared for pitfalls.  This is all true and so imperative to hear and take in.  When I encounter a barrage of questions about dieting and they are all about the “rules”:

Don’t have fruit after….

Sugar is bad for you…

Fruit is bad for you…

Don’t eat late at night…

I tend to shy away and steer the person in a more productive direction than just following a bunch of rules because you honestly can start to become “wiggy” with it (downright obsessed; deer caught in a headlight; manic; very unhealthy).  Can you imagine how surprised I was when the person asking me all these questions was a male and he was quite young. 

I honestly do not know how young he was but he was young enough that it was alarming to me that he had all those rules in his head and was quite concerned about getting them right.  Honestly, it made me stop dead in my tracks (mind you I was presenting in front of a group) and think to myself, “Holy moly.  Someone is really feeding this person some information and boy is it affecting him.”  He is either around someone who is dieting or had someone close to him lose a bunch of weight (because he was perfect weight for his height and has always been) and he was truly affected by it.

I finished the presentation by really driving home the fact that these rules are not necessary to be successful in life and there are so many different ways to diet/life life/eat right/etc. that getting hung up on way is counterproductive.  I think I made some head way there but I am not sure.  In the mean time, I am deeply affected by that meeting.

Dieting is a personal decision and it should be your decision.  Bringing everyone else along in the family for the healthy ride is awesome and encouraged, but if you have a list of diet rules that you have made yourself a slave to, please rethink passing them along.  Not only is it unhealthy for you to be tied to an arbitrary set of rules in the long run, but you may be affecting someone else close to you without you even knowing it.  You can get the body that you want and the health that you desire without having to get all wiggy with it.