Reactive

– pertaining to or characterized by reaction.  Whether you are reacting to what you have seen or heard, trying to avoid an adverse reaction to what you are not admitting to or trying to snuff out continuous damage done to your physique by your bad habits, it is all in some way reactive.

Oh no!  I think Jodi just threw out her back while actin’ a fool listenin’ to your new diet request.  WOW.

The “I Watched Too Many Documentaries” Diet

What is the origin of this diet? Skinny Bitch, Omnivores Dilemma, Food Inc., Forks Over Knives

Why do we think we do this? Because we are on the cutting edge of health information and we need to set an example for our families and clients.  We need to be aware of what is in our foods.

Why do we really do it? We’re scared crapless!  Oh no!  We’re gonna die!  Aaaahhhhhhh!

I do not know why y’alls do it to yourselves.  And then I don’t know why you then turn around and do it to me!  Stop watching these films and reading these books!  It makes you psycho.

We all have things we do not like about ourselves and we make it a point to work on trying to change them.  One of the things that drive me crazy about myself is that I am physically dramatic whether I want to be or not.  Yes, I am dramatic when I tell you a story or I want to explain something to you and that’s a good thing, but it becomes a bad thing when you come to me with your new food kick you are on because you watched one of these documentaries:

“Jodi.”  The minute you say my name like that I tense up like my 7 year old does when he hears me coming up the basement stairs while he is illegally fishing for snacks in the cabinet.

“I was watching {insert scary movie name here} (instantaneously I just convulsed in your presence) and I had no idea that {insert some God awful thing here like cows were fed pig eyeballs for 4 weeks to fatten them up so they could be slaughtered with acid, fed to llama, regurgitated, breaded and shipped to school kids in Idaho}.  I will never eat {meat, starch, sugar, veggies, worms, etc} again.  Can you help me put a diet together of wheat grass, tempeh and locusts?”

At this point, I have rolled my eyes so hard that I have most likely sprained my Levator Palpebrae Superioris behind my eyeball, sighed in such a manner that I have expelled every inch of air from my lungs and my afro has grown at least 3 inches off of my head into a full blown peacock plumage.  I am visibly not on board with anything that you are saying and I am about as professional as a chimpanzee running around in IKEA.  I admit this fully and I apologize if I have ever done this to you.  But, please, stop watching these things.  If you are not set on changing the world through an aggressive social campaign, spare yourself the drama and just eat whatever food you are now afraid of while praying that it won’t kill you.  I say this because very few of you are truly prepared to become responsible vegetarians. What you actually become is an “I-refuse-to-eat-meat-a-tarian”, which is just a physique nightmare waiting to happen.  Suddenly your meals become cheese, lots of starch and the two vegetables you still eat (because you know you hate asparagus, green beans and broccoli now). Holy hodge podge of food, Batman!  Stop making me show my behind in public by acting out this way.  Just say no to these films!

I do realize that none of you would try to eat brickle every day and pass it off as okay.  But you see, I love brickle…and I do have a picture of chocolate and wine but…I love bricke…and I wanted to see it again…so…I added it.  Sorry.  It’s all about me right now.

The Hypnosis Diet

What is the origin of this diet? Wine is good for you.  Chocolate has antioxidants. It’s just a little milk in my coffee.

Why do we think we do this? We want to prove we can keep these things in our diet because we have restraint, unlike general public dieters, we are different.

Why do we really do it? Life is hard right now and we want what we want when we want it so we convince ourselves that the thing that makes us feel best is actually good for us. And it stokes our sense of adventure by making us feel like we can get away with something.

What I love about this diet is that this is the hidden diet.  This is the thing that you are doing that you think that I don’t know that you are doing that you are secretly hoping you do not have to confess to doing while we are still friends.  Whatever this thing is, it is so good and so important to your well being that you would risk a few pounds on the scale for it and you do not care.  It would take a force of nature to get you to give this thing up.  You would have had to have watched one of those scary food documentaries and find out that your beloved thing was made with squid guts from the sewers of a third world country and even then you would try to find an organic version of it.  You love it and you have convinced yourself it doesn’t have calories or any kind of impact on your goal whatsoever.  When I finally approach you about the thing that you think that I don’t know that you are doing or you finally have to confess it because the pressure is too much to take anymore, you present it to me in 1 of 3 ways:

1)      The scientific approach: “Jodi, studies show that having molten lava chocolate cake once a day enhances your love life and you know my husband and I are struggling.”

2)      The humanistic approach: “Honestly, Jo, this was the only thing keeping me sane during company layoffs.  I just figured that if it kept my cortisol levels down, it was helping. It was just a jar of nutella.”

3)      The defensive approach: “I figured you knew.  How was I supposed to know I shouldn’t be having a quart of cream and a ½ pound of sugar in my 7 coffees a day?  Jeesh!”

Face it, ladies, you don’t stand a chance against this foe.  Look at it.  It’s creamy and yummy and…and…

The Paying Penance Diet

What is a good example of this diet? Juicing, cleanses, any kind of “jump start” plan, shakes and also really hard, psycho workouts that defy human nature fall into this category, too.

Why do we think we do this? We’re cleaning out the toxins, we need to get our heads focused, we need structure, we love to sweat.

Why do we really do it? We put ourselves on punishment for some kind of out of control behavior that we feel we should not get away with so “pat me on the head for disciplining myself”, please.   In fact, you will try to talk about this diet like you deserve it for the awful behavior you have been engaging in.

If you have ever had the luxury of having this conversation with me regarding one of these diets, you now know you will never ask again because I will give you the hairy eyeball times two and force you to fess up.  It starts out this way:

“Jodi.  What do you think of {insert latest hot product name} cleanse/shake system/cat-o-nine tails? “

Sudden silence–enough for me to make you uncomfortable.  Steely stare.  No facial expression.  You start squirming.

“No, I know what you’re thinking.  I just want to try it out.”

I break the silence:  no inflection in voice, quiet, resolute.

“Why?”

You’re nervous. “Well, because I heard it really helps with cleaning out the body.”

“Oh?  Why do you need help with that?”

After what seems like hours but really was no more than a 2 min exchange you begin to babble…

“Honestly, Jo, I am just a mess right now and I need something to get me back on track because I can’t stop eating {insert whatever here but usually full of sugar and involves some form of peanut butter—I know of very few women who can stand against peanut butter} and I just want to feel clean again.  I feel gross.  Work is a mess and I am tired and I am not working out the way I want to and I am up 3 pounds and I eat it every flipping day and…and…and..”

…so you somehow think I am going to say it is ok for you to enter into an incredibly negative cycle of out of control eating and then “cleansing” it away.  Umm…yeah…no.  But what *is* good is that I just stared at you in such a way that you are now thinking about what you just asked me and realizing the root of your folly.  Bullseye.  I joke about this one today, but I bring it up again in a different way a little later on and all humor is gone.  Knock it off. {hairy eyeball}

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I’ve been yapping again, ladies, and I find myself saying a lot of the same things to folks who I am typically not working with.  So if you have never had a chance to ask me something, you may have been wondering something below.  Here are this month’s common questions or conversations I have had outside of my day to day stuff:

It’s not about what you don’t eat; it’s about what you do. Almost everyone at some point asks me how do you stop eating the crap.  I have been through this one a hundred times so I’ll spare you the details today and instead, remind you of the most important fact when it comes to food:  math.  You know I love it and it truly rules.  Stop worrying about what you snuck in for the day and instead focus on what you didn’t get in because it’s what you are lacking that is hurting you more. If you ate 1400 cals worth of clean protein, carb and fat and had 100 cals worth of crap (that you ate behind the couch when no one was looking…shame) all in the same day, that would mean that 7% of what you ate for the day was crap.  Or better yet…93% was darn good!  Now look at how silly that is to worry about that 7%.  You still got an A- for the day.  Really right now with the stress?  WITH THAT BEING SAID!… before you bury yourself into a jar of peanut butter or lose it on the bowl of chocolate in the office, EAT YOUR DESIGNATED FOOD FOR THAT TIME.  If you have room afterward, go for it.  You will not eat anywhere near as much and that’s the key.  But denial doesn’t work.  Trust me.

Your body has zero discernment. “Is it better if I…”  Stop asking me questions?  Yes.  Oops…did I say that?  But who knows how I am going to finish this sentence?  Is it better if I:  kettlebell train, run vs. other cardio, lift before or after cardio, take a fish oil cap and so on instead of [fill in the blank]?  Can I just be so blunt here?  Honestly?  Will you come back and read my blog again if I go here?  (I’m just wondering.)  The person who asks me this question will typically benefit from just “doing”.  Doing anything.  Run to get the phone, run to the shower, run out of gas…who cares.  Just run.  Some of us are using “getting our stuff together” as cardio in and of itself.  You’re worn out creating the perfect plan.  Just do something.  None of you are getting ready for the Olympics so just get on with it already.  Really.  And this goes back to math again:  Your body has no idea whether you lifted a barbell, dumbbell, carousel or seashell, all it knows is that it was heavy and it must respond to that.  Don’t over think it.  Unless you’re using it for avoidance…

Is it your body or is it your circumstances? Are you really gaining weight or are you stressed out?  Are your jeans really that much tighter or is a big project coming up at work?  Do you really hate that little tiny piece of your inner thigh that is jiggly or are you in a fierce battle with your sister in laws?  Are your legs bigger than normal or are your kids out of control right now?  If you “suddenly” hate your body or any aspect of it, stop and assess what’s going on in your life at that time.  We tend to try to manage our problems in life through the scale because it’s controllable.  It’s easy to manage.  And it gives us a chance to say we “suck” and we’re ALWAYS looking for a chance to say we suck.  Knock it off.  Get out of the mirror.  You were fine yesterday and you’re just as fine today.  Now that mole, though…

Fish oil is not the same as fish oil caps. Should I have fish oil caps or fish oil?  Yes.  Oh, I just answered your question.  I know you’re thinking I didn’t but I did.  The two are not the same.  You would never ask me, “Broccoli or my multivitamin?”  You would have them both.  So, fish oil= all the benefits of caps plus pretty hair, skin, teeth, nails; reduction in stretch marks and loose skin; and better body composition.  Fish oil caps=increased cognitive skills, fat loss, hormone enhancement, anti-inflammatory properties and eye health.  Stop avoiding the fish oil please.

Skip the quotes and do the work. I love quotes, I use them a lot when blogging.  They’re cool and catchy and can be quite motivating at times.  But when it comes down to the get down, go through the process.  Do the work.  Sweat it out.  I don’t mean in the gym.  I mean in life.  Whatever is getting you down.  Whatever is bothering you.  Face it.  Stop trying to throw a quote up on your desk and “power through it” like you’re some kind of machine.  Here’s the deal:  it’s the process that makes us stronger, not denial.  Acting like there isn’t a problem and using a quote to get you through does not make you stronger—it makes you harder.  Which would you rather be?  A strong woman?  Or a hard woman?  Do. The. Work.  Cry if you need to.  Own what you must.  Call it what it is.  Humble yourself when necessary.  Speak firmly when it calls for it.  But under no circumstances are you allowed to hide under your desk, throw out a quote and wait for it to pass.  Not only is that ineffective, but I am already under the desk and there is no room down here for more!  Get out.

Whether I am working with you or not, I love you.  I hope you know that.  See you tomorrow… woop woop!

Something about Brody’s confession of eating his supper, Heather’s supper, part of the sofa, two of his chew toys and a squirrel really disturbed Santa.  Maybe he’ll get his Christmas wish of self control after all…

Over the past 3 days we’ve been in denial, walking the plank and cycling around town all in the name of recognizing our behavior so we can stop the cheat meal from becoming the cheat week.  Right about now I would love to be able to give you some cute little bullets with pat little answers that says if you feel this way, do that or if you feel that way, do this.  Clearly, it’s not that simple so bear with me as I give you some insight as to what you are looking at in terms of moving beyond the issue without really “curing” your ailment.  Remember, all of these issues are conditions of the mind—not body so there is not any physical solution to shut these issues down.

Denial

If you have not had the denial meltdown, yet, you’re going to think you are invincible so anything I say here is moot.  Keep reading my blog until you do melt down and then come back to this and pick up where you left off.  But if you are past the point of thinking you’re Wonder Woman but not so past that you’ve changed your behavior, here are some things to help you through this stage:

• OWN the fact that you are not doing something that is amazing and worth endless praise.  Thinking that everybody should notice how strong and dedicated you are sets you up for feeling like a major fraud when you lose your tree on a box of cereal when you get home.  Because you are going to lose your tree on a box of cereal eventually…

• DO NOT worry about what others think of you.  Honestly, most folks are so wrapped up in their own stuff that you could pass out at the dessert table and they still wouldn’t notice never mind you not having a treat.  Honestly, I am a pretty attentive person and have a tremendously giving heart and even I would be challenged to notice you if you went down in front of real butter sugar cookies.  I’m just sayin’.  And I love you.  Imagine a room full of folks who couldn’t care less about you.  It’s tough out there.

• STOP thinking that you are the only one of your friends/family/colleagues that is healthy and no one has your dedication and so on.  That may be true but when you have a rough spot—and you will—you will be too embarrassed to own it with anyone to deal with it.  Do not forget that denial is not TRUE “will power”.  It is a false mentality set up by a really strong goal.  Once that goal is gone, ‘you is in trouble, girl’.

Rigidity

If you’re wondering if you are rigid or not, ask yourself if you got annoyed or even mad when you read my definition of rigidity.  If you thought at any point that that’s just what dedication looks like or that’s not me and I’m not changing my routine or shut up, you’d be rigid.  I also expect you to realize you are rigid one of two ways:  you read the definition and break down crying or you one day realize no one wants to hang out with you anymore.   Either one is a good indicator.  Here’s something for you to think about:

INNER DIALOGUE is your friend and you need to create an effective one for many scenarios that you find yourself in.

I can’t miss a workout this week or eat off plan.

Why?

Because I can’t.  I’ll be off my plan.

So?  What’s going to happen?

I won’t make my goal.

Really?  And if so, ok…then what?

Well, I have to make my goal.

Have to?  Why?  You gonna self destruct if not?

No.  Don’t be stupid.  But I want to make my goal.

Well that’s good but ‘wanting to’ and ‘having to’ are not the same thing.

You see where I am going and why this is important.  Put this in perspective for yourself when that inner voice rises up and tells you that you are useless unless you are in shape or that you are lazy because you took a day off from working out when you had bronchitis.  And follow the rabbit trail all the way to the end so you can snuff out this argument the next time it comes up.

Eat Cheat Cycle

Unfortunately, this is the hardest of all three cycles to break from because it’s not so extreme and noticeable.  You can go a really long time before owning the fact that you are doing this and then when you figure out you are doing it, you can go even longer before changing it.  This requires:

• HONESTY.  First admit that you can’t get it done.  Seriously.  Cry Uncle and stop the madness.

• INTROSPECTION.  Why are you fighting for this goal in the first place when it’s obvious you don’t want it.

• OWNERSHIP.  Once you know what it is, take responsibility for it.  Don’t try to put another goal on it to silence it.

• ACTION.  Whatever it is you are avoiding, you need to face it, deal with it and then move on from it.

If you are in this cycle you may have said any of the following:

The reason I can’t stay on plan is because it’s too strict.

Actually, the reason is because it’s not strict enough.

Or it’s too complex, I need something simple.

Or it’s too much to put together.  Can’t you just give me a menu.  I don’t want to think.

I can’t make it after work.   I need to go to the morning.

I can’t go in the morning, can you make it Fri thru Sun?

Anybody?  Sound familiar?  You are in the Cycle then…

I hope this helps you somewhat.  I have had to go through some serious inner dialoguing, getting over myself and ownership to get to a point where the only thing that can really take me down now is the food itself.  That’s a better place to be than to be fighting yourself AND the food.  There are many other things to consider—it’s not just one—so look at this as one aspect of your journey to maintain this lifestyle beyond the first 12 weeks…

I tend to write in series because it makes it more interesting and I get the chance to develop it more.  If you have a weighty topic you are looking for some answers for, hit me up below or shoot me an email.  Either way, if I can delve into it, I will.  We have to keep our heads on tight if we want to make our bodies right.  Cool?  Woop woop!:o)

I don’t know about you (Actually that’s a lie, I do know about you but I’m going to act like I don’t know about you so you can stop feeling like I’m staring at you—and just you.:) but I notice that for most of us struggles with cheats, treats and chocolate (yes, it gets its own category) come in cycles.  We’re not always struggling and we’re not always winning.  We have moments or seasons, if you will, of chaos and mayhem that take us down more than normal and begin to chip away at our dieting confidence until we feel like we “suck”, “we’ll never get it done”, “why bother” and so on.  The best thing we could ever do at this time is go to maintenance eating but that’s actually the last thing we do and so begins the battle.

Heather the slave driver putting them through and endless up/down cycle of cardio.

How Does This Happen In The First Place?

Sadist Masochism.  No really, we love to torture ourselves.  I think some of us are so good at this that we have it down to such a degree that we can determine the level of torture we want to inflict on ourselves based on whatever drama is going on in our lives at the time.  Lots of drama means we drag out big whips and chains and cat-o-nine tails in the form of huge weight loss and per4mance goals and not so much drama means we want to just take off a few pounds here and there.  Ever done this?…

Aunt Betty Ann* has a big work project coming to completion at her workplace.  She’s been on the project for a while and it is finally coming to a close within the next 6 weeks or so. It’s a huge project and the tension at the job is thick. Three months from now is a big race that ABA wants to run in and she’s been waiting all year for it to come around.  Four months from now ABA’s sister is getting married and she’s going to be in the wedding.  Suddenly ABA feels like she needs to lose at least 10 pounds for the wedding.  She knows the race will help with a few extra pounds—she hopes—but the stress of all that’s going on begins to weigh on her.  So what does ABA do?  She starts a 16 week diet to get ready for her sister’s wedding (because that’s exactly what we would all do) but she can’t stick to it for the life of her.  She’s nibbling, dabbling and wavering more than she’s dieting and working out.  Of course she thinks it’s because the plan’s not strict enough and she has too much choice so she changes what she’s eating from chicken, broccoli and an occasional sweet potato to wallpaper paste, shoe leather and dust (you know those earlier choices were taking her down).  Now that her diet is more realistic, she should stick to it, right?  NOPE.  Now she thinks it’s her workout schedule and she’s not working hard enough to stay focused because she keeps finding herself eating a lit bit of this and a little bit of that.  Finally, ABA realizes that she’s not going to make goal so she scraps the diet and throws caution to the wind.  Does this sound familiar?

When I first started to come across this scenario years ago, I used to believe that it was the busy schedule that made ABA unsuccessful at staying on track.  I would tell her she was nuts for trying to diet during all of that commotion and to either wait until everything calmed down or zip some things out now.  But then I began to realize that she wasn’t interested in dieting when it all calmed down.  At that point, she was happy with herself (kind of) and was really in a maintenance way of thinking and what was really going on was her trying to manage her chaos through the scale.  This is really destructive in nature but is such a pattern with type A women that it needs a name.  I’m working on it.

What we do is find something we can mother all over while everything else in our lives is “going to he** in a hand basket” because as far as we’re concerned, our weight is controllable.  Now is it really?  NO.  But we think it is at the time and we’re going to whip it around like an amusement ride at the Brockton Fair.  I’m not going to build this now although I have a lot to say about this topic because it is SUPER relevant to us but it’s too big to tackle in this post.  But I am going to say that this is a function of emotion more than it is a physical issue that you can just control.  “Not eating the treat” is not going to work so knock it off and trying to tighten up the diet to make you stop is even more pointless.   Stop beating yourself up because you can’t stop eating the cookies on the counter and start inner dialoguing with yourself about how you can focus your attention elsewhere while you are dieting.

This is THE most common of the three scenarios presented and unlike the other two, there’s very little resistance here.  This is the one that can make you gain weight because you are not denying anything.  You are not focused–you are just wrecking shop.  Every day you “try” to get it done and every day you say you’ll do better tomorrow.  Twenty pounds later, you realize you’ve gone through 45 “tomorrows”.  There are other reasons for this, too, besides the one above:

• You denied yourself for so long (scenario #2) that you have begun to unravel and can no longer justify locking it down anymore.

• Your head has not caught up with your heart.  This happens when you keep shooting for a goal that you really do not want anymore but have not taken the time, yet, to reconcile that with your head so you keep gunning for it.

• You want something for all the wrong reasons and your heart is smarter than your brain.

• You’ve lost passion for the goal.  You want what you originally fell in love with but somehow that has been stained by reality in some way and you can’t admit that.

These are permutations of the same thing, pick which one is yours.  I suffered from 3 of the 5 and it took me a long time to get my head back in the game.  Some of you have sent me some of the best emails with battle scars as to what this looked like for you and how you came out on top afterward.  I want you to know that I have heard all that you have said and am using some of it tomorrow as I talk about how to move beyond all 3 eat-cheat cycles.

Email me or leave a comment below if you have a story you want to share or have any questions on what I’ve talked about so far.  I would love to hear from you: Jodi@trans4mationstation.com or add it below.

Suggestions come tomorrow! Woop woop!!:o)

*Depending on how long you’ve known me and I’ve been telling you stories, Aunt Betty Ann is a regular on the scene.  She’s completely fictional alongside her husband Uncle Peanut, cousin TayTay and Frank.  Try and keep up with them.

I must say I know a thing or two about being Type A.  Journal with matching pen set anyone?

I am a stickler about certain things in life and one of biggest things that I am adamant about is being flexible in how we live.  Take that in for a minute…read it slow…ponder that statement. Ha!  Trying to live by hard and fast rules when the world is changing by the hour is difficult and exhausting.  It’s also abnormal and a bit obtrusive to others but who’s noticing?  But the real concern that I have with it is rigidity which is this hardness that comes over someone who has pretty much frozen out the world and lives in this igloo otherwise known as their body.   I am sure you think you are “getting it done” but in real life you look like a stepford wife going through the motions.  This is some scary stuff when it happens and I pray if this is you, go stand by the fire known as relational love and thaw out. (said with tremendous sincerity)

Just like denial, on the outside you look normal and right now you may be thinking that this is not bad—‘what do you know, Jodi?’ It’s only when you let people talk to you for a while, spend quality time with you or eat with you that they realize something is not right.   You might count your blueberries in the morning and if you should have 20 but accidentally had 21, you melt down.  You might eat the same thing every day and if you have turkey instead of chicken, must go back and recalculate all that you ate for the day “just in case”.  Or to make sure that you are “still on track”.  Or whatever reason you may give as THE reason for such extreme behavior.  At surface level you can justify your behavior as being disciplined, driven, goal oriented…but underneath there lies a beautiful woman who is afraid that if any move right or left is made outside of her plan then her wonderful house of cards is going to come tumbling down.

To the untrained eye you do come off as disciplined because who wouldn’t want to be that focused?  You would have never struggled with the dessert table yesterday.  Not only could you stand by it, you could have assembled it, got some on your fingers while serving it to someone and washed it off like nothing touched you.  I, personally, would have licked myself clean like a cat in public with no shame but we have already discussed my weak behind.  Moving on…  Honestly, you would have been admired by many at the function but not by everyone because some of us would have seen the trouble brewing.

I want to make sure I clarify all that I am about to say because this can be hard to accept when you first read it.  It’s not the discipline that is the problem.  It’s not the fact that you wouldn’t lick yourself down like a postage stamp if you had the chance.  What it is, is subtle and hard to put your finger on at first glance but essentially you are rigid.  There is no deviation.  None.  There is no plan B.  It’s not in the works.  It can’t happen.  It won’t happen.  Your family is on hold.  Your work is on hold.  Your day is on hold until you can fulfill whatever needs to happen to make plan A continue on without a hitch.  Because if it doesn’t…WHOA.  You cannot put humpty dumpty back together again.  And the main reason why rigidity needs to be nipped in the bud is if this is how you are managing cheats then let’s face it, it does not stop at food.  You are rigid with life.  You are the woman who I talk to that I can see fear in the back of your eyes while you tell me everything is great.  You ask me questions with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable.  Almost as if I don’t answer this right, you could possibly do something.  You don’t really smile.  You do not let loose.  There are no nibbles—that’s not in the plan.  There are no unplanned, unstructured meals.  It’s unacceptable.  But with that there are no days that you run in the rain, spontaneously hug your children, call in “well” to work and do spa day, there is no living in any way, shape or form.  You have locked down all possibilities in life other than the one that you planned on that morning.  This is no way to manage cheats and this is no way to manage life.  When this ball of yarn unravels it’s not pretty and it can take longer to put it back together than it did to create it in the first place.  If you think this is you, open up about to someone you trust and begin to live.

I have been blessed in my career to have some of the best conversations ever that usually start with, “Jodi, you’ll be really proud of me.  X, Y, Z happened today and I didn’t flip out.  Instead I, …” Can I be so honest with you and tell you that I have hung up the phone and cried—depending on who it was maybe even sobbed–over some of those conversations because they have meant so much to me and truly made everything I have ever done in my life worth it.  LIVING LIFE IS EVERYTHING.  Not managing it. LIVING IT.

We have one more woman to talk about tomorrow.  I hope you meet me here.  I’ll be looking for you. Woop woop!!:o)

Do you mind if I ask you a question?  Why do we as women think we are so tough?  Where did this come from?  I mean really…when did this happen?  I have been having some of the most interesting conversations in the last month or so that always leave me wondering, ‘who is she fooling?’  I am not even referring to clients, although I have had a few of those too.  But normally, if I am bringing it to the blog, it’s not a client situation that I am referring to.  So back to my question:  who are we fooling?  And why are we pretending so hard?

I’m sure you know me enough by now to know that I’m getting to something so why don’t I just get to it already, eh?

I get tons and tons of questions in my line of work.  Tons.  But some of them show up more often than not.  I told you about the tight bum one and the stretch marks on the tummy/thighs but another one that is rearing its ugly head again that we need to put on the table is:

Why can’t I stop cheating on my diet?  How do I have a cheat meal and not continue to eat like that for 3 days?

I have hit this topic from a physical standpoint by telling you foods that are completely off limits if you are dieting for a specific reason but if you are not and you just want to live this life, you really do need to learn how to navigate the world of forbidden foods with greater finesse than just straight denial.  Trying to abstain forever will never work and basically you are setting yourself up for failure.  Let’s look at some of the ways we try to do this and see where we go wrong in them.

I Don’t See That Chocolate, Do You?

Ok, this has to be the WORST way to manage your life and I hope that if you are doing this now that you will work hard to find other more effective ways to keep from eating treats.  This is the official “tough girl” approach that lasts as long as the passion for the initial goal does.  Once that goal is gone, you have a better chance locking yourself out of a car you are sitting in than you do locking down your desire for a treat.  If you think that the steel resolve you have now will last forever, I have a jar of peanut butter on my desk right now that says it won’t.  I’m just sayin’.  So let’s all be honest and get out of denial cuz we’re getting wet here.

And please do not let me make you feel like you are the abnormal one here.  I am as human as you all are and I will be the first one to admit that to you.  So, why am I talking about this?  Because I was once a “tough girl”, myself, and a very good one at that, and then one day…

Honestly, mom.  I tried to lock it down.  But then that frosting just called my name.  Shame.

I have learned first hand that denial is not only ineffective, it’s torment.  For instance, back in the day when I had zero sense in my head and dieted for events, I would be somewhere like a bbq or what-have-you and they would have a full dessert table set out with all kinds of yummy stuff.  I wouldn’t get 10 feet near that table and would stick to whatever I brought or allowed on my diet at the time.  Now there’s nothing wrong with that if I had a normal reaction to the table which would be more the way it is now.  If I walked by the table today, I may survey a bunch of stuff on there, choose a small piece of something or nothing at all but I could walk by the table completely unaffected. Not back in the day, though, I avoided the table because if you stood me in front of it, tough girl would show up and say, “No, really.  I’m good.”  But the real girl on the inside of me would be screaming in my head, “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS SPREAD.  PLEASE.  IS THAT REAL BUTTER OVER THERE?  HOLY COW!!  ARE YOU KIDDING?  AND THE CHOCOLATE!  I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD COVER THAT IN CHOCOLATE!  IT’S EVERYWHERE!  STOP, YOU’RE KILLING ME!!!!”  My face, however, wouldn’t give away anything.  Aside from the odd sweat bead that would form on my forehead, I’d be cool as a cucumber.

Now, seriously, is that anyway to live?  For the rest of the night you are AWARE that there is a table with treats on it.  And you’re going to leave there proud of yourself that you held out only to get home and eat 1.5 cups of oatmeal w/ chocolate protein powder and raspberry preserves talkin’ ‘bout, “Mmmm, that was good.”  Riiiigggghhht.  That’s why you just ate 3 servings worth and emptied the jar of preserves in the oatmeal…because it didn’t do “the trick”.

What ensues after an encounter like this is pure chaos and mayhem inside of you for at least 3 days, but possibly more.

There’s resentment: Why can’t I have a treat.  What the heck?  It’s not going to hurt me.  Everyone else can have a treat.

There’s bitterness: I bet someone got sick off of that stuff.  And if they did, they deserved it.  They shouldn’t be eating that stuff anyway.  That’s why they’re all (fill in whatever blank you want here).

There’s paranoia: I should have just had a piece.  No, I would never be able to stop and then I’d gain a bunch of weight and then I’d never be able to work out again and then I…

Finally, there’s platitudes: If I want to look like everybody else, then I’ll eat like everybody else.  I need to Just Do It.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  And so on…

And when all this finally calms down in our heads and we are done torturing ourselves 2-3 days later, I go back to my original question and ask you, “Who are you fooling?”  the same way I finally asked myself, “Who am I fooling?”  None of what just went down was “tough” unless you are referring to the torment itself.  I didn’t accomplish anything because although I didn’t take my angst out on the dessert table, I took my angst out on myself which is 20 times worse.

Denial is number one, The Plank is number two.  We talk about that tomorrow.  Yes, we’ll get on the better side of this when I am done laying it out because there is one.   Woop woop!!:o)

the boogeyman?  Well, not since the 70’s…but that’s not what I’m referring to.

No I mean there is no such thing as “control”. 

If you haven’t figured it out already, I am a talker.  I am incredibly social, very open with folks and I tend to be everywhere all the time so I run into a ton of women who seem to have no problem telling me everything about themselves.  I have no idea why this is but you would understand if you hung out with me for a week or so and just see what I am talking about.  I do not mind it at all because I need to know what you ladies think when you are unguarded (most people I chat with have no idea what I do for a living so they just share-away) and not trying to give the “perfect answer” to the person who is holding you accountable to your daily dirt.  Well this week was no different than any other week and I had a gem of a conversation with someone (who is not a client of ours I have to add!) that begged the question, “Are you really in control or are you pleasantly managing chaos and mayhem?”

All of us have little quirky things that we do that we think “fix” a certain issue.  The most common one that I think all of us have done or are currently doing now is the cheat meal manipulation.  In fact, Kas (Tues blogger) and I just had a great conversation about this recently and she had to put her own smackdown on the habit herself.  But the cheat meal manipulation conversation (say that 3 times fast) that I had with someone this week went something like this:  It starts out with us having a cheat meal/week.  Say we have it on Saturday.  All is good in the land of dieting.  Then either the week gets away from you and have another cheat meal (man broke up with you, tough day at work, office party–who knows why) or the cheat meal itself set you up for disaster (see my post about cheat meals in here somewhere) and you go bezerk on your pantry one evening–whichever scenario applies here because it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that all is no longer good in the land of dieting and the first thing we think is, “We have to erase that.”  We need to ‘make that go away’.  Immediately we begin to change our diet around to reflect our folly:

• If we are doing a low, med, high rotation of some sort, we will stay all low for the week.
• If you are scheduled to do 4 cardio sessions in a week, you’ll add one on for every indiscretion.
• If you eat starch (you have to ask now) then you will drop all starch for the week.
• You may try to torture yourself with a mini diet for 4 to 5 days of something very restrictive like white fish and a green veggie.
• If you were doing a “diet” of some kind, you’ll start from the beginnig again so that it continues to “work” or you get “the maximum benefit”.

Regardless of your weapon of choice, all of these things are done as *damage control*.  They are meant to minimize or fully negate the act of violence we just perpetrated on our bodies by having extra of whatever food it was that tickled our fancy at that moment.  But there is no such thing as “control” when it is done after the fact.  You are not controlling anything.  In fact, at that point, it’s controlling you!  But some of you have this so ingrained in your brain that it would be easier wrestling a bone out of a rabid raccoon’s mouth on your back deck than breaking you of this dangerous pattern of thinking.  If you find yourself doing this, STOP!  NOW.  SERIOUSLY.

YOU CANNOT MAKE UP FOR ANY FOOD FOLLY THROUGH FOOD MANIPULATION OR EXERCISE!  KNOCK IT OFF!

If you want to see the mama bear in me come out, tell me you are doing this and you will see a big, frantic afro coming at you that is attached to a loud, but sweet woman who may be slightly scary at this point with you.  This, my dear, is the beginning of disordered eating.  Not necessarily a full blown eating disorder, but disordered eating for sure.  Next week I will tell you why your efforts are futile, at best, but this week is more about showing you that your behavior is on a fast track to nowhere.

If you are in the early stages of this craziness, you may think that you’ve ‘got this’.  You’re good.  “No really, Jodi, I know what I’m doing.  I make sure that…blah, blah, blah.”  Ahhh…the bliss of arrogance.  See, you are thinking about what you are doing right now.  You are not thinking of what this becomes.  The mind is a terrible thing and left to its own devices will drive you into the ground like a sledge hammer to a stake.  Sugar begets sugar.  Junk begets junk.  Soon you are making excuses for everything and you can no longer keep track of what’s making up for what. 

• You become paranoid.  I am not exaggerating here. 
• You become irrational.
• You become a master deceiver.  Of even yourself.
• People close to you notice you doing weird stuff like eating just a piece of chicken for lunch and dinner because you are busy “making up for” the cheesecake you had the night before.
• You scale watch because you just *know* that what you had is going to show up the next day. 

STOP!

Have I adequately scared you?  I pray that I have.  Marinate on this this week.  Next week we will talk about how your efforts are a waste of time. 

In the mean time, Nicole, our Friday blogger is stepping off the blogging team for a while.  The girl is a hot commodity and has taken on a new challenge in her career that demands a tremendous amount of her time.  She is still part of our consulting team so if you need her, let me know.  I have not decided fully what I am going to put in there but if you have a suggestion, hit me at jodi@trans4mationstation.com. 

Heather has some exciting new stuff coming your way and we may put that stuff in the Friday spot.  She is another hot commodity who is blowing up as we speak!  Woop woop!  Keep your eyes peeled for that if you are interested in a hot AND healthy body.  They are not one in the same!

Ladies…we love you.  We cannot say this enough.  It’s one thing to want a great body.  Every body talks about that on their sites.  It’s another thing to actually walk it out.  The fear, the control, the cravings.  WE HAVE ALL BEEN HERE AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR JOURNEY.  Let us keep you from destroying yourself in the quest for a hot body.  Stay safe.  Stay sane.  Keep reading.  LOVE YOU!

I have a young friend that recently graduated college and is working with Jodi towards a cool goal. Since she’s new to “dieting” like we do around here, it’s the eating that’s become challenging. She called me the other night and needed to kind of confess and cry for a little bit. Basically it’s the old I’m obsessed with food and all I want is crap that I know doesn’t even taste good. I cannot wait for my cheat meal. Every where I turn in this office there’s a candy dish or it’s food day or there are leftover pastries in the break room. Recently someone was even eating McDonalds in the same train car (the nerve!)

We laughed as she described what she was feeling. Basically she’s not satisfied after she eats. She’s not starving, that’s not the problem. It’s that she’s not full, ever. Like leave food on the plate full. Yeah, we don’t get you full, sorry. But that’s the point. How are you going to eat three-four hours later if you’re stuffed now?

It’s also the texture/mouth feel issue that Jodi mentioned a week or so ago that’s she’s missing that add to the feeling of being unsatisfied. It was no surprise to learn that her cheat meals are pizza, fried foods, beer.

I don’t do the diets but I’ve been through this so I had a few suggestions:

* Quit eating the same thing meal after meal, day after day. A high variety will keep your mouth surprised and your brain engaged as you eat. Change up every component, the protein, the starch, the veg, fruit and the fat.

* Change up the preparations. Cooking Light is a terrific source for yummy recipes. If you can’t have the food exactly as is then take inspiration from the recipe and modify it to fit your plan. For example: a baked rosemary chicken cutlet recipe that calls for a panko breading is just as amazing with Ezekiel bread crumbs or omit the crumbs all together.

* Try something new. Nicole has been treating us with really yummy recipes lately and Amy and Heather too. Give them a go; these gals have been in the dieting game for a long time and know what they’re talking about.

* For these suggestions to work, you have to cook. You have to plan. You have to put in the effort to make your food be more satisfying.

* Avoid fake food crutches. For example, using Crystal Light in every glass of water you drink or bathing all your foods in butter spray. In time, artificial anything will dull your ability to taste the food, which is never satisfying.

* Get smarter about cheat meals. I have to think it’s time for her to move away from pizza and on to maybe something like a gourmet burger and a few sweet potato chips or mom’s clam chowder with a hunk of sour dough bread slathered with perfect English butter as her cheats.

As far the traps at the office:

* Don’t start with the candy. A small handful of skittles or m&m’s may in time be ok, but it’s deadly to newbies because once it begins, it’s very difficult to stop. What’s stupid is that with candy, after a while you can’t even taste it anymore and you’re mouth hurts. Each day, make it a goal to not do the candy. Don’t even start with just one or two tiny pieces. Walk away.

* Food days are a ridiculous office phenomenon. I mean, really, every birthday, every holiday, every other Friday? Like the dreaded candy dish, you have to decide ahead of time to not partake. And see about making your meals that day be especially yummy and inspiring. If you have to, join in the birthday song and immediately go back to your desk.

* When thoughts of food begin to take over, get up from your desk and go do something, put on your headphones, or whatever you can to distract yourself. Get your mind onto something interesting to minimize the space you have to think about food. Like on weekends, when it’s 4pm and you realize you’ve only eaten twice, it’s because you’re busy!

I don’t know if I helped her besides listening and sharing some of my own crazy thoughts and behaviors. Just getting it off her chest and hearing from a veteran that she’s not alone was enough to put it all back into perspective and have a few belly laughs too. She’s going to be fine.

So, what else works to keep your meals inspiring and your mind in the eating game? How do you deal with a toxic food environment at the office? Let’s chat it out in the comments.

I always say this and I truly mean this: I love what I do. I have been doing this for a very long time and as I grow older and wiser to the ways of you crazy ladies, I have learned a thing or two about food choices. One of the most asked questions of me besides ‘how can I tighten my bum?’ is “What can I have as a cheat meal?” Depending on where you are in your dieting, my answer typically is, “Anything you want. But if I was you, I wouldn’t have…”

CHEESE
I would avoid cheese like a strange substance on a park bench—and I mean that literally! Cheese begets cheese. Are you following me? But more importantly, cheese is an experience. Mostly a texture and salt experience, cheese feels good on the palette. It validates whatever meal you are eating. Not a fan of veggies? Put cheese on them and suddenly you can eat your veggies, your friend’s veggies, veggie platters, okra—who cares!

Of course whenever I tell someone to avoid cheese they ask about cottage cheese, which by the way does not count. I am only referring to hard cheeses so cottage, ricotta and feta do not count as cheeses to avoid. Everything else, though, will send you down the river without paddles, fast!

You cannot recover from a meal with cheese. Pizza for instance will set you back at least 2 days, possibly 3. If you think you are going to have pizza Saturday night and steel cut oats on Sunday morning and not notice the difference, you are fooling yourself. When I say ‘set you back’, I do not mean by weight gain. I mean by focus. Suddenly, everything needs cheese. Your eggs, your tuna, yourself at 4 in the afternoon when you are suddenly alone with a stick of Crackerbarrel cheddar cheese and are unsure how half of it is missing even though it was new when you took it out of the fridge. You know, everything. Honestly, spare yourself the pain of overshooting your cheat/treat meal (call it what you like, it is what it is)and avoid cheese.

ICE CREAM
WOW! Now here’s the beginning of Armageddon. Forget what people say about 2012 coming, your downfall is contained in a pint-sized package managed by 2 guys and a cow—Ben and Jerry. I have 3 words for you: DON’T DO IT. I would rather sharpen my pinky in an electric pencil sharpener before I would ever have ice cream as a cheat meal. Now first of all I have to be honest…I do not like ice cream. It doesn’t do it for me and I could truly take or leave it. But the rest of you would sell your first born to the Kathy Gifford College of Sweater Making located in luxurious downtown New Delhi just to get a ½ cup of the sinful treat in a flavor you may not even like. You want some fun? People watch at a restaurant and look for a woman who has ordered ice cream for dessert. The only thing more scandalous is the awkward scene from When Harry Met Sally—and if you haven’t seen it, do so to know what I am talking about.

Ice cream is a total assault of the palette. It’s a beat down that you are not equipped to handle half way through your dietary regimen that you so proudly have been enduring. Texture: heavenly. Not only is it smooth and creamy, it’s ice cold. Taste: outrageous. Stuffed with just about anything you can think of, ice cream is an aggregation of flavors. Experience: unlike any other. If you go for a sundae, you have hot, cold and sweet at the same time and that is just hard to resist. Here…take these nails…you’ll need them for your coffin.

What ice cream does is make everything in your life pale in comparison. Suddenly your husband isn’t attractive anymore. Calling him Chunky Monkey doesn’t make him any more appealing than he was before you dropped your face in the container. Good try, though. You almost wished that uncomfortable and unpleasant things came with ice cream: “Hi Ms. Jones, good to see you here for your annual exam. Here is a robe to change into and you will find a dish of buttercrunch ice cream with sprinkles in the examination room to help you through the appointment. Enjoy.” Women would be lined up with all kinds of fake ailments if this ever happened. The medical insurance system would be thrown for a loop with false claims left and right.

My point: it is so hard to return to a focused diet the day after ice cream that it is not funny. Nothing tastes good. Nothing shuts down the craving. Nothing compares to peanut butter mocha fudge almond praline with sprinkles and whip cream on top except mmm…yum… baked chicken with broccoli. Why didn’t I think of that? (total sarcasm there)
When you hit maintenance, have some ice cream. Til then, avoid it like the rails on the staircases of the subway station. Ewww.

ALCOHOL
I am going to make this one brief because it’s simple. One drink makes every seem ok. From eating your whole fridge to going on a second date with someone you would never go on a second date with, alcohol makes you lose your senses. And then on top of that, it makes you feel like crap the next day so that you indulge even more. We have all learned this lesson the hard way, but let’s try to help those out who may not know: avoid this!

I have a post on here about this and you should read it when you have time.

In the mean time, choose your cheat meals wisely. They really do make a difference in your diet experience.