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 For Butters Or For Worse [10:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I am a nudge.  I won’t deny it.  Many of you who know me are thinking the same thing right now.  Actually, you’re thinking:  “I love you, girl, but you annoy me.  You always say the thing I want to hear least that day (always said with pure love).”  That I do.  So why should today be any different?  I figure, as long as I am fulfilling your need (i.e. supplying you with butt changing info), then it’s okay for me to fulfill my needs (i.e. get you to see how destructive chasing a body part can be).

I always say I love what I do but today I want to be more specific:  I love you.  No, seriously, I do.  I love you tremendously—even if I have never met you.  Why?  Because you are just like me and I love that.  Whatever you do now, I’ve done before and probably twenty times more than whatever you are doing now.  I love to talk to you.  I love to know what makes you tick. I love to hear about all of your successes.  And I love to see you happy.  NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING (in the context of my line of work) makes me more happy than to call a woman who is having a “ah-hah” moment.  It’s like music to my ears.  You can hear my smile over the phone.  It’s crazy.

But now think of the flip side of that.  When you’re unhappy, I’m concerned.  My heart aches because I remember what it was like to be in a not-so-good place and how isolating it can feel.  It’s not like we want to talk about it because we feel like people will think we’re crazy, whiny or the worst of them all—weak.  We don’t want to admit we have some faults or somehow can’t get it together so we just “keep on keepin’ on” hoping that no one notices we just ate an entire package of double stuff oreos in two days.  We’ll quickly regroup from that only to be the most rigid dieter this side of the buffet display and after a while it all gets so annoying doesn’t it?  Somewhere in all that lunacy, we find balance and we settle into a body that is good…decent…not bad–however you want to describe it, please do so.  It’s not like we’re super disgusted, it’s more like we’re just not satisfied.  This is where body part obsession takes root and becomes a bit alarming.

Our bodies can be nice to look at so it’s great to keep them well oiled and maintained but their primary purpose is to function for us not appear as trophies.  We have bums for a reason and it’s not to serve as a beacon of failure for our diets or our lives.  They are meant to hinge us at the hips, move us from side to side and help us get the heck out of Dodge when necessary.  They have a primary function in the body; not a secondary function like our tummies (yes, tummies are our core, but ideally our abs and back serve as our core/trunk and nutrition makes a great tummy—not crunches).   This is a huge thing to think about, seriously, because as you pound away at your booty you may be setting yourself up for some major surgery later on.

Although I love writing, I stress when I set out to write articles like this because on the screen they can read as preachy or judgmental.  I can tell you without a doubt that nothing like that is going through my head right now.  What’s running through my mind is what I was like when I wanted nicer shoulders and the only word that I can think of is “fixated”.  It was my main focus and I cared about nothing else besides my shoulders.   Fortunately, I was interrupted from destroying my neck/shoulder region (or unfortunately if you know why I was interrupted) because I really do think that if I continued on I would have had two grapefruits sitting at the top of my arms like a dot on an i.  Of course, reaching over my head or putting a shirt on wouldn’t be possible but dang it all, I’d’ve looked good! (I made that double contraction up. Work with it.

Function matters.  A lot.  I know we do not all have access to the top physical therapists out there (or have the awesome Heather on their staff) but it is worth it if you can at least once in your fitness career be evaluated for your weaknesses.  If you have tight hip flexors and weak glutes to begin with, when you go to do any of the exercises mentioned you run a high risk of not engaging your glutes properly thereby killing your progress.  You think that you aren’t doing enough so you keep doing more of the same and your weaknesses snowball from there.  If you train for function more than you train for form, you will be much better off.   The catch here is twofold:  1) to get over yourself enough to embrace a new way to train other than strict body part training and 2) to take the time off from hard training to do any necessary mobility work if need be.  How many of us really do anything preventative?

I know what you’re thinking.  “Then teach me to do it the right way, Jodi.  What am I missing?”  I can’t, it’s not my gig, but I know whose it is and I will give you that info at the end of this series.  I have a little more to talk about and I don’t want you to lose your focus by focusing on your bum which is the focus of this series.  You need to focus!  We haven’t even touched dieting, yet, and how you diet does make a difference in what your bum looks like.

Where does this leave you then?  What’s my point in drawing your attention to function and not form?  Balance.  Make sure that your program has balance.  Spread out the butt stuff throughout the week or do a good butt workout once, maybe twice in a week.  But do not go crazy and make every day a butt day by putting in something in every workout.  That’s not good.   Here are some guidelines for you:

1)      Limit the plyometric activity to no more than twice a week. This means sprints as well as pure plyos.  The pounding action of sprints and plyos take a toll on your spine and your feet.  Ease up, killah, before you look like your Aunt Ethel who is all of 4ft 3in by the time you’re done jumping.

2)      Have someone take a look at your program for obvious imbalances. You want to cover all planes of motion in a full body and have something with lateral movement if just a lower body.  Whether you do this in the warm up or in the program itself it doesn’t matter.  Just make sure your workout is not one big variation of the step up.

3)      Pay attention to injuries! So many times I talk to girls and they are working through some major junk like it’s nothing talking about, “I just need to look good for my…”  Listen, if you show up walking like Quasimodo, was it worth it to you?  Knock it off and see a physical therapist!

Nutrition is next.  Some radical supplementation talk for you butter butts and a few other things.  Hang tight.  Woop woop! )

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As we venture into the land of glutes, we need to address the fact that as women we do not all want the same thing from our butt training.  Some of us want bubble butts—firm and poking out.  Some of us want a nice bum minus the layer of cellulite on them—a.k.a. butter butt (nice ‘n smooth).  And then some of us want nice legs and are not sure whether or not to get psycho about the bubble part or not—befuddled butt.  To lump everyone into the same category is to do a disservice to you ladies so let’s chop today’s post up into a few sections to help everyone out.

Bubble Butt

Normally you are: lean already with either a flat bum, fused spine bum or misshapen bum

Very rarely you are: heavy.  I have yet to meet a girl with a large lower body who’s looking to bubble it out more.

Nutrition: clean.  You are lean so your regimen is most likely good.

Supplementation: normal

Your arsenal:

Bridging—weighted or unweighted.  Single leg or both legs.  Feet on floor or high on bench.  Squeeze at the top.

High step ups—the higher you can step, the better.  Form is a must.

Conventional deadlift—single or double leg.  Go deeeeeeeeep.

Hill sprints—also start block training is awesome.

Deep reverse lunges—step off of a plyo box if you can do it.  Go super deep here.

You do best with: double leg work if you do not have a bum at all; single leg work if you have one but no shape.

Butter Butt

Normally you are: soft.  You are about as muscular as a pillow.  You MUST make muscle first.

Very rarely you are: muscular.  I have seen muscular tops and soft bottoms (I mean squishy) but it is rare.

Nutrition: clean as a whistle.  Very little room for things like cheese or processed food.

Supplementation: necessary and high dose.

Your arsenal:

Metabolic cranks—lunges, plyos and band walks thrown together to make you sweat and lean out more.

Kettlebells—complete posterior workout all the time.  No break for the butt and you sweat like a mo.

Deep squats/deads—You need to lift like a man for a while.  Break some PR’s and kill yourself.

Lunges—Heavy.  Not so deep yet because you need to be heavy first.

You do best with: Heavy training with minimal rest that’s going to make you sweat and puke.

Befuddled Butt

Normally you are: fit but not defined.  You look good but no one’s stopping you to do a leg commercial.

Very rarely you are: heavy on the top.  It happens sometimes where legs are good, not defined but top is squishy.

Nutrition: moderately clean.  You are more training dependent than food dependent.

Supplementation: precise.  You don’t need much so what you do need should be precise.

Your arsenal:

Single leg everything—don’t care what it is, do it with one leg.

Sprinting—More on the 200’s and 400’s than the 100’s.  Get the hams involved long term.

Detail work—calf raises, bridging, glute ham raise.

Band walks and donkey kicks

You do best with: progressions.  Obviously we all do but you more than anyone because your training is going to evolve faster as you shape up and decide bubble or not.

Regardless of which butt you prefer, all physique training can (and does) produce unsightly side effects that tend to stain any of the work you do in the gym.  Some training does it more than others.  I find that when we train for a cause we tend to be more aware of the world around us.  When we train for a sport, we tend to be more competitive with ourselves and with others (not always a good thing but not always bad either).  When we train for our bodies, though, we tend to be more myopic and critical.  It is this one that I want us to be more mindful of because trying to perfect a body part requires a lot of “me time” and that can sometimes be bad.  Spending hours on our bodies can skew our mindset, our outlook on life and our sense of purpose.

Without us trying or even meaning to, if we are not ‘on it like hornets’, we can become pompous, mean hotties.  Trust me, it does not take much.  Yes, we’ll help a person out on Facebook or in the gym whenever they may have a question, but ultimately we want to be left alone to look at ourselves in the mirror.  Now, really…that sounds terrible and shallow and it doesn’t really go down that way—or does it?  This is a tough one to address and I am throwing this out there to think about but what do you want that nice butt for?  You know I ask this because I want you to think about what’s really going to happen when you get it, not what you want to happen when you get it.  We want to like what we see in the mirror and we want to be commended for our hard work in the gym (maybe not by a random person, but definitely by those close to us), but we don’t want unsolicited comments, judgment and creepy fans.  Nor do we want tension and strife from our friends and family who now think that we spend too much time on ourselves on a daily basis.  However, I guarantee you that you will get this.

If you are not actively changing the inside of you (i.e. patience, understanding and compassion) to match the outside of you while you do this, your butt is not the only thing that’s going to end up hard.  How many of us have met someone with a great body at a show, gym or event and complimented them and they were meaner than a junk yard dog.  Guess what.  She got the surprise behind door #2 and obviously wasn’t ready character-wise to receive it.  Usually when we say we want our {fill in the body part} to look good, we want the whole package (personality) to look good, as well, and somehow expect us to miraculously be different when our new bodies show up.  Umm…not so in reality.  We think we will suddenly be happier because now we look different but it’s not the case.  If you are unhappy while flabby, you will be unhappy while fit—I can stake my occupation on it.  So while you spend all the time you are going to spend squatting, lunging and stepping, take that time to do a self assessment and see if you need to become patient, kind hearted or available to others.  Honestly, you are doing it more for you than anyone else.  It’s a hard road to walk being hot.

Lots more to come…woop woop!!

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Many of you have  caught on to the fact that I’m in the process of moving.  This past weekend was the last before we move out of our current home.  Then we have a 4-6 week lag before we move into our new home, which is in the process of being built.  My husband went off of deer camp, where they prepare the land for hunting later this year, so I was solo this weekend doing some odds and ends, like painting trim in the spare bedroom.  (If I never see another roll of Frogtape, it’ll be too soon.  Why we insist on being DIYers, I have no idea sometimes…)

As I got more involved with household tasks, I knew I was in danger of not working out on Saturday.  I can usually get myself to do something if I say “Heath, just 20 minutes.  Do something–anything–for just 20 minutes”, because, for me, 20 minutes flies by like 2 sometimes.  This also means that 20 minutes can often be more meaningful (read: intense) than, say, 40.  Now, so much as has been packed, so I scanned the living room and saw that we’d kept a few kettlebells.  Since this was a Saturday, and I’d trained heavily several days last week, including Friday, I wanted something less resistance-based and more cardio-and-conditioning-esque.  So I grabbed a pair of 20s (you could rock this with some DBs too) and looked for one of our Gym Bosses to do a timed thing.  Found my pink one, but it is not working.  {boo-hiss}  High reps it is!  So on came HGTV, the dynamic warm-up commenced between piles of stuff and displaced furnishings, and off I went with this lower body quick-sweat:

(KB talking) “Whew!  I was afraid that I and these other unpacked guys hadn’t made the cut!”

Double swing (2 KBs) x20

High Knee Style “Jumprope” x 20 (per leg, no rope, must’ve packed it)

REPEAT this pair x 4 for total of 5x through

*Tactical Lunge x 20 (per leg)

Split Jumps x 20 (total)

REPEAT pair x 4 for total of 5x through

Front Squat x 20

**Power Jacks x 20

REPEAT pair x4 for total of 5x through

Turns out I had 2-3 minutes left at this point, so I did one more round from top to bottom, straight through like a giant set.  So I could’ve done 6 rounds of each supersetted pair as well to achieve my goal.  This ended up being just right as it was enough of an effort and a sweat to make me feel like I worked out, but it still left me with enough mojo to carry on with the pre-moving tasks at hand.  Being extra concerned with lower body conditioning right now (shorts season!), it also left me with something to give at the stadium Sunday, but, all the same, I did feel the noodle-legs set in early after just a few trips up the stadium stairs the next day.

Enjoy!

This chick is ready for shorts season, and I’m pretty sure the popular shape-n-tone-your-tush sneakers aren’t what got her there.

*Tactical Lunge: Just one KB for this exercise.  Stand with KB in right hand, step back into reverse lunge with right leg, pass weight under left thigh from inside to outside, retrieve with left hand and stand up.  Now do the same thing, but stepping back with left leg, and passing under right thigh from left hand to right hand.  Once you get a good flow going, you’ll be able to alternate smoothly.  This could also be done quickly and powerfully with a little bit of a split jump action, and it can also be done one leg at a time versus alternating, you just need to alter the hand passing to achieve it.

**Power Jacks: Start in standing position with arms straight overhead.  Jack legs out, sinking into a plie’ squat, while pulling elbows down toward knees, then jump back up to start position.  These will go slower than regular jumping jacks due to the sink-down part, so that should be slooow (sinking down into plie’)–quick! (jumping up to start position)-slooow–quick!-etc….