Yesterday was about the basics.  Today is about faking like you know what you’re doing on the track.  Ready?

BREAKING IT DOWN

We are currently on a state of the art track.  Well not physically, but I want you to envision it because it’s important for today’s post.  The track is made of that red, foamy rubber stuff that feels great on the feet; the middle of the track is covered in turf instead of grass and has the little black rubber beads in it, too; there are bleachers that are in good shape and are made specifically for running them because they are high, with evenly spaced stairs; and there is a bathroom within 5 min of walking to it (ESSENTIAL for a woman).

I am going to take yesterday’s basic workout and add a ton of fillers to it.  Depending on what I add, it will lean either more to the conditioning side (lots of plyos and rest) or more to the cardio side (not much rest but much less intensity).  I will color code this because the anal engineer in me says that that makes the most sense.  You don’t want to know what the lazy woman in me said.  I told her to shut up for your benefit.

Red = added to yesterday’s workout

DYNAMIC WARM UP

1. Performed in a straight line, over 15 feet or so.  Backslash BP means to return to start with a back pedal.
2. 8 “runs”—each way is 1 run—get faster with each run so that the last one is just short of a sprint
3. High knees/BP
4. Every 3^rd high knee/BP
5. Butt kickers/BP
6. Every 3^rd butt kicker/BP
7. Skip/BP/10 mtn climbers (from the down position, pop up into skip for height)
8. Skip for height/BP/10 mtn climbers (from the down position, pop up into skip for distance)
9. Skip for distance/BP/10 mtn climbers (from the down position, pop up into skips with a twist)
10. Skips with a twist
11. 5 push ups/Shuffle/5 push ups/shuffle (“pop up” from the push up like a burpee; do not get up slowly and shuffle)
12. 3 groiners for stretch/Carioka/3 groiners for stretch/Carioka
13. 5 gateswings/side run/5 gateswings/side run
14. 180’s
15. 360’s
16. Fast walking lunge
17. Lunge and rotate
18. Frankensteins
19. Prisoner walks
20. Round house shuffle
21. Monster walks

The purpose of this warm up is two-fold:  warm you up dynamically in a way that mimics the movements you are about to do and get you used to flowing from one move to the next.  For example, when you back pedal back it is very natural to go right down to the ground at the end of it.  This puts you in the position to do a mountain climber.  From the down position of a mtn climber, you are almost in the “start block position” and you go right into a skip.  This forces you to learn how to go from floor to fast, but we’re not doing in it into a run because we’re not Flo Jo so back it down.

WARM UP SPRINT—this doesn’t change

1. Start at the beginning of the straight away
2. Run at a fast, but easy, pace half of the distance of the straight away.
3. Walk back to start.
4. Do this 3 to 5 times depending on how long it takes you to loosen up and feel comfortable.

SPRINTS AND SUCH

Start in start block position, run faster speed than the first set of sprints for the entire length of the 100m strip.  Walk back.  Repeat 2 more times.

HERE ARE THE FILLERS

Conditioning:

Rest a full 3 min. from the sprints.  Really do this or you’ll be junk by the end of the second set of sprints.  Respect rest periods.

Head to the bleachers.  Run up/down the bleachers 2 times.  At the bottom do 10 squat jumps, 10 squat thrusts and 10 prone jacks.  Repeat 1 time.  Rest 3 full min.

Begin another set of sprints again only this time, empty everything you have into the pavement.  You will only feel fast for the first one.  You will get progressively slower after that.  Rest fully now.  However long it takes to come down to normal breathing, take it.   You’ll notice this will get better every week.  Head to the turf.  This should be a football field marked off in 5 yards.  Find a vacant “10 yard space” for you to perform a 5/5/10/10.  You are going to perform an exercise for 5 yards Right, 5 yards L, 10 yards R, 10 yards left.

• Sprint/sprint/sprint/sprint
• Shuffle/shuffle/skip for height/skip for distance
• Bear crawl/bear crawl/carioca/carioca
• Sprint/BP/Sprint/BP

Rest 1 min.  Do this in sets of 4, do no more than 3 sets as a filler and use anything you want such as leap frogs, side runs and so on.  Get creative.  Rest fully again.  However long it takes.

Last set of 3.  Feel this one out.  If you feel good, do them full speed.  If you’re new to this, just “run fast” but don’t empty your tank into the track or you could get hurt.  Rest fully.  Head to bleachers.  This is a combo filler.  Run up the bleachers 1 time.  Come down, run to the turf.  Peform the following crank 1 time:

• 20 rapid fire squats
• 10 jump squats
• 10 squat thrusts
• 10 burpees

No rest AT ALL b/w exercises.

And then run 4—5/5/10/10’s.  Rest 2 min and repeat the entire sequence again.  If your bleachers are short, double the amount.  Time for cool down.

Cardio:

Rest a full 3 min. from the sprints.  Really do this or you’ll be junk by the end of the warm up.  Respect rest periods.

Run a 400.  Not all out as a sprint, but at a good pace.  Rest 3 full min and repeat one more time.  Rest 3 min.

Begin another set of sprints again only this time, empty everything you have into the pavement.  You will only feel fast for the first one.  You will get progressively slower after that.  Rest fully now.  However long it takes to come down to normal breathing, take it.   You’ll notice this will get better every week.  Run the bleachers 2 times, come down and run across the track (meaning across the turf) to the other side and back at 70% of max.  Repeat this for time (5 min), not reps.  Rest 3 min.

Last set of 3.  Feel this one out.  If you feel good, do them full speed.  If you’re new to this, just “run fast” but don’t empty your tank into the track or you could get hurt.  Rest 3 min.  Run the curve of the track, if they have bleachers on each side you’re going to loop the track by doing the bleachers on the straightaway, a good run on the curves.  Do this for 10 min. People will think you’re nuts—tell them you lost your wallet while running.

Same cool down as yesterday for both conditioning and cardio sections.  We’ll change that next time.

Do you have all that?   I know it’s a lot.  I’ll elaborate more when we head to the park tomorrow.  Stay tuned!

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Let’s jump (wow, unintended bad pun right there) right into this:

BEFORE YOU START

Sneakers: Running shoes.  Do not wear minimalist sneakers if you have never sprinted before, you will blow out your shins.  Bring those in slowly.  Sneakers are personal so no, I do not have a recommendation of a brand.

Time: NOT HIGH NOON.  I always see at least one crazy person on a track sprinting at high noon at least once a year.  And don’t ask why I’m there to see it–I’m nosy ok?  You feel better now?  If you go early morning, the grass will be wet.  Don’t walk through it, soak up your feet and then try to sprint with maximum traction.  Stay off the grass.  If you go later in the day, close to evening, the mosquitoes will make a meal of you so bring some OFF to show them who’s boss.  Track mosquitoes are a special gigantic breed that has been brought over from the Amazon.  Take heed.

Water: If it is hot, water may not be enough.  Nuuns are easy to bring with you in case you need them and are way better than any kind of Gatoraide product that’s going to kill your physique.

THE TRACK

Assuming this is a standard track, the straightaway is 100m; the curve is 100m.  Altogether the entire way around is 400m.  Don’t try to stay in your lane or get all technical, just get around the track.  Be mindful of other people and don’t hog up a whole area like we can in the gym because most tracks are for public use so they’ll be all types roaming around when you get there.

If it has bleachers, fabulous!  Make sure they are sturdy.  TEST THEM OUT before you barrel up them like Chariots of Fire on crack.  You’d be surprised at how many good looking but falling apart bleachers there are out there.

Dynamic warm ups are best done on the straightaway that is separated from the track.  Typically it’s about 8 to 15 feet that is set aside and leads right into the straight portion of the track.  Most people will not bother you if you use that as your warm up area.  Do not start your sprint from there, though, because it adds to the length of the 100m sprint.

WHAT YOU ARE WORKING

Overall: Conditioning.  We do not use these for anything other than to give you a nice tight body.  However, there is a nice side effect to sprinting which is your overall lung capacity.  If you are a runner, you’ll be able to run faster, longer after a few weeks of sprinting.  If you’re a gym rat, you’ll notice that your intense days of cardio in the gym are no longer intense and you’ll have to kick it up a notch.

Body:

• ‘Start block starts’ work the glutes, hamstrings and calves.
• The first ten steps work the quads, hamstrings, glutes and calves.
• Top speed running works the hamstrings.

I left out the hip flexors and other terminology like push/pull phase or return swing on purpose.  Unclog your mind of those things for now.  This is about appearance–not performance.

Mental stamina: There is something about sprinting that makes us feel fierce and productive.  Capitalize on this; don’t shy away.  Sweaty, smelly workouts that are directly correlated with a sense of being uniquely strong keep us focused on the task at hand, dieting, more than anything else we’ll do all week long.

THE WORKOUT

A true track workout should not take more than 15 min.  We use them for conditioning only.  When used as cardio, lots of fillers are put in to add to the length of the workout and all fillers MUST BE less intense than the sprint portion of the workout or you will fry yourself.  Adding too much stuff into the workout is a great way to get injured but this happens because we feel like we can conquer the world once we start releasing speed.  Get your head together, girl.  You’re coming back next week.  No need to shove it all in at one time.  Here are the components:

• Dynamic Warmup
• Warm up sprints
• Full out sprinting
• Add ins, fillers and rest periods
• Cool down

I will break all of these down for you tomorrow.  I’ll give you things to think about, how to do them, where you get yourself into trouble and how to keep it fresh.  Today, though, I’m just going to give you a sample workout to sink your teeth into so you have an idea of what I’m going to walk you through tomorrow and because I promised that I would.  I don’t want you to think I’m holding out.

You can google any of these exercises if you don’t know what they are:

DYNAMIC WARM UP

Performed in a straight line, over 15 feet or so.  Backslash BP means to return to start with a back pedal.

1. 8 “runs”—each way is 1 run
2. High knees/BP
3. Butt kickers/BP
4. Skip/BP
5. Skip for height/BP
6. Skip for distance/BP
7. Shuffle/shuffle
8. Carioka/Carioka
9. 180’s
10. 360’s
11. Frankensteins
12. Prisoner walks
13. Round house shuffle
14. Monster walks

WARM UP SPRINT

Start at the beginning of the straight away

Run at a fast, but easy, pace half of the distance of the straight away.

Walk back to start.

Do this 3 to 5 times depending on how long it takes you to loosen up and feel comfortable.

SPRINTS

Start in start block position, run faster speed than before the entire length of the 100m strip.  Walk back.  Repeat 2 more times.  Take a walk around the track or put a filler here.  I’ll explain tomorrow what fillers are.

Begin another set of sprints again only this time, empty everything you have into the pavement.  You will only feel fast for the first one.  You will get progressively slower after that.  Walk around again or add another filler.

Last set of 3.  Feel this one out.  If you feel good, do them full speed.  If you’re new to this, just “run fast” but don’t empty your tank into the track or you could get hurt.  Walk around the track or last filler.

You’re done.  This is as basic as it gets.  It’s time to cool down.

COOL DOWN

1. Prisoner walks
2. Thinker
3. Lunge and rotate
4. Over the fence, under the fence
5. Hip hip

Tomorrow we’ll do a “fancy” track workout with plyos and cranks before we move onto the park and the beach.  Sound good?  Woop woop!!

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There are two types of track workouts:  one for your performance where you worry about getting faster, better, stronger by manipulating rest periods, work load and intensity; and one for your physique where you work out so hard that the only thing you can imagine happening the next day is that your rear end and quads turn into cement thereby satisfying your desire to have unnaturally hard glutes and thighs.  But most of us have zero idea of how to differentiate between the two so we create these great track workouts and then worry about details that do not matter to us physique athletes and neglect those that do.   I will give you some much needed information on form, what part of your legs you’re working on doing what and workload so you can stop blindly following the workouts in magazines and start creating your own that are tailored to your physique rather than your performance.  I’m going to put up 3 sprint workouts for you to play around with and then use as a model for whenever you want to punish work on your back side.  They will be as follows:  1) traditional track workout, 2) I-don’t-have-a-track-near-me workout (i.e. park/street) and 3) beach workout.

Right now, I think it’s essential to get some of your questions out of the way before we start.

Why do I give a flying rat’s behind about a track workout in the first place?

Because you like a nice butt and legs and who better to model than “those who could hold a new born baby with their butt cheeks”.  Out of all professional athletes, no backside consistently compares to those of sprinters.  They’re super human almost.

Why can’t I just go run some sprints and be done with it?

Because you’re a type A psycho and you and I both know that if you are left to your own devices, you’ll do this 3X’s a week, add some plyos, run some bleachers, run to the track and back, lift before hand, do yoga after…really, right now?  Once you “just go run some sprints” you’ll think that wasn’t enough and you can add a little more to the workout…

Is there a limit to how many times a week I can do this?

Yes, one.  I know you can do more than that.  I know your girlfriend runs track and she does 2 to 3 days per week.  I know you’ve been doing it more than that for years.  Yes, I know you want to speed this process up and that you have a goal and that you’ve been this weight for so long and {big gasp as I take a loud breath}…

You know I always say this:  you cannot burn the candle on both ends.  Concentrate on food or concentrate on workout.  But do not try to diet and beat yourself to a pulp because the only thing you will lose is ground.

Does this count as cardio?

Nope.  Now how do you like dem apples?  This is too anaerobic to count as cardio but I will tell you how you can make it cardio if you like.

I can’t run fast.  I’m not built to sprint.

Do you have a butt?  Right…get on the track.  Here’s the deal:  you are not a sprinter.  You never have been and you never will be.  And even if you were, you aren’t one now.  I’m sure your mechanics are frightening—don’t worry about it.  For what we want out of this, you’re fabulous at it.  What matters is you give the pavement everything you have once you are warmed up.  Nothing else matters.  I will give you tips on how to survive this and then soon learn how to master it so you really do feel like you are doing some work.

I look stupid and uncoordinated doing this.

Really?  To who?  The 75 year old man walking the track?  Girl, get over yourself.  The majority of people out there only care about their workout and the way they look.  They did not drive there so they could spend 30 min. ogling over you.  Now when we get to the beach workout, that’s a different story.

I thought you said you were going to do outdoor workouts–not track workouts.

This is outdoors, what’s wrong with you?  Unless you have some super long basement I’m not tuned into.   Day 2 and 3 are less about sprinting and are more about getting outside to the park or beach and working out.  Jeez Louise.  (Anybody else like that argument I just had with myself?

I’m afraid I’m going to get hurt.

Now this is a legitimate concern and there is always a level of risk you take on when you do anything high intensity or full out.  Take it slow in the beginning.  Remember, you’re not a sprinter so leave your ego in the car.  We get ourselves in trouble when we think we don’t have to warm up or pay attention to the fact that we’re not under 18 anymore.

My aim is to finish this series this week; I really do not want to drag it on.  Can you believe it’s already mid July?!  So far for New England this has been a wonderful summer.  I have zero complaints so I want to get this out to you ladies while we have the nice weather.  Check in tomorrow for the first workout.  Woop woop!!

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Last week I was a nudge, this week I am a nag.  Sorry, but she’s climbing out through the afro please make room for her.

This is the last post in this series and I have a few things to say but my mind is everywhere right now.  Have you ever suffered from, “…and another thing”?  I am suffering from that right now.  I have a bunch of little things to add in but not enough to make it a coherent post so I’m going to do the Tourette’s thing right now and just blurt a bunch of stuff at you.  Bear with me while I do this.

Starch vs. No starch

Not everyone should be zero starch.  I know folks like to tell you that it’s the best way to lose body fat and yadda yadda yadda but I have been in the business for 15 years and from all that I know and have seen I can absolutely tell you that that’s not true.  What I have noticed though is that some do better with lower starch than others.  Here’s a very simplified overview for you (shamefully simple):

Bubble—Starch is not going to make a huge impact on you in terms of having it in your diet until you want lines.  Try not to live without it every day because you limit the effectiveness of it as an aesthetic tool later on.

Butter—Starch must, I repeat, must stay in your diet.  Not a ton.  At least a serving a day should be in there.  You will never be rock hard so there is absolutely zero point in going starch free.  What it really does is set you up for a midnight carb binge that rivals anything the food network could conjure up and that’s saying a lot.

Befuddled—you are like the bubbles.  Dowhatchalike.

Dairy

Nice and easy and always portable, dairy is a great protein option…if you like carrying a gallon of water under your skin and 2 pounds of mucous in your sinuses.  But some of us are addicted so I’m not going to go on an anti-dairy rant.  I’ll save that for another post but…

Butters—avoid dairy like a moldy dish of food lodged in the back of your refrigerator.   Especially cheese which is the anti-butt food.

Supplementation

My audio post for Butters spoke about high dose fish oil and how it can help you reduce the effects of cellulite on the bum.  Done correctly and with supervision, you can really make some great changes in the appearance of your back side and also lighten up any stretch marks.  I am a lover of Omega 3.  Here are some more of my thoughts:

Magnesium—is a must in any physique athlete’s diet.  If you’re taking it as a cal/mag—stop.  You have plenty of calcium in your diet and do not need more.  However, you do not have enough Mg.  Try it as Mg glycinate, taurate or malate because they are easily digested and will give you less rumbly tumbly.  Mg can wreak havoc on your tummy and make you feel like you are going to release your colon in public without any notice—oh the thought!  Why Mg?  Great for the metabolism and insulin sensitivity and helps with anxiety/depression which is common among us athletes.

B Complex—add this in if you’re not taking more pills than a 70 year old man.  Honestly, it can be overwhelming.  Great for metabolism and your skin.

BCAA’s–Here’s another one that’s good for everyone.  Add them in prudently.  If money is an issue, have them on training days only and do it in 3 month stints.  If it’s not an issue, call me so we can have lunch and talk about angel investing–just throwing that out there.  But then have it daily and your dosage will change based on your workouts and rest time.

This is not my official supplementation post, this is only in context of making a smooth but plump rump so if something is missing that you think should be here let me help you with that by saying, “No it’s not.”

Cautionary Note

You can get on the web now and see amazing pictures of butts everywhere.  They will be smooth, perky, strong, super human and most of all naked so you can see every detail and feel bad about every dimple you don’t see, as well.  Let me remind you of something you may already know but maybe think you’re exaggerating or are not quite sure of:  very few people are natural anymore.  If you aspire to do this without the aid of anything besides food, vitamins and minerals then you have to be careful of what you use as a pin-up for success.  At the very least, they will be taking a fat burner, at the very most it can be scary.  You cannot be in this industry (clean eating) long term and have to be lean time and time again without some kind of “help”.  With that being said, you may not be able to achieve naturally what others have done with chemical assistance and it helps to know that when you’re in the middle of picking yourself apart for the 3^rd time that day.  If being natural matters (and it does to Jodiojo & Co.) then tuck this away in your mind for safe keeping or you may find yourself compromising your beliefs further down the road in pursuit of something that’s not attainable naturally.

For My Jammers

I said in a previous post that I would give you a place to go for help with your butt training.  If you want get specific with the information I provided about weaknesses and technique, go here.  He is great.  I ran into his site a while ago from Nick T.’s site (he’s another guy I really like) and instantly fell in love.  Not because of his training info, although that’s great too, but because he is humble and he gets it.  Both Nick and Brett are a breath of fresh air in a crowded industry of shouters.  Get on their sites and absorb.

If you are signed up for extra info from my blog, then you received the email with my 3 favorite exercises.  Let me know yours when you can.

This has been a great series and I’m really glad y’alls like it, as well.  Hit me up below with any thoughts.  I’d love to hear them.  The next series is Failing Forward.  Let’s make the best of all the mistakes we do while dieting.  How do you salvage your diet when everything seems to be going wrong?  If you have anything in particular that you want me to cover in this, let me know!  Woop woop!

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Play Now:

 For Butters Or For Worse [10:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I am a nudge.  I won’t deny it.  Many of you who know me are thinking the same thing right now.  Actually, you’re thinking:  “I love you, girl, but you annoy me.  You always say the thing I want to hear least that day (always said with pure love).”  That I do.  So why should today be any different?  I figure, as long as I am fulfilling your need (i.e. supplying you with butt changing info), then it’s okay for me to fulfill my needs (i.e. get you to see how destructive chasing a body part can be).

I always say I love what I do but today I want to be more specific:  I love you.  No, seriously, I do.  I love you tremendously—even if I have never met you.  Why?  Because you are just like me and I love that.  Whatever you do now, I’ve done before and probably twenty times more than whatever you are doing now.  I love to talk to you.  I love to know what makes you tick. I love to hear about all of your successes.  And I love to see you happy.  NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING (in the context of my line of work) makes me more happy than to call a woman who is having a “ah-hah” moment.  It’s like music to my ears.  You can hear my smile over the phone.  It’s crazy.

But now think of the flip side of that.  When you’re unhappy, I’m concerned.  My heart aches because I remember what it was like to be in a not-so-good place and how isolating it can feel.  It’s not like we want to talk about it because we feel like people will think we’re crazy, whiny or the worst of them all—weak.  We don’t want to admit we have some faults or somehow can’t get it together so we just “keep on keepin’ on” hoping that no one notices we just ate an entire package of double stuff oreos in two days.  We’ll quickly regroup from that only to be the most rigid dieter this side of the buffet display and after a while it all gets so annoying doesn’t it?  Somewhere in all that lunacy, we find balance and we settle into a body that is good…decent…not bad–however you want to describe it, please do so.  It’s not like we’re super disgusted, it’s more like we’re just not satisfied.  This is where body part obsession takes root and becomes a bit alarming.

Our bodies can be nice to look at so it’s great to keep them well oiled and maintained but their primary purpose is to function for us not appear as trophies.  We have bums for a reason and it’s not to serve as a beacon of failure for our diets or our lives.  They are meant to hinge us at the hips, move us from side to side and help us get the heck out of Dodge when necessary.  They have a primary function in the body; not a secondary function like our tummies (yes, tummies are our core, but ideally our abs and back serve as our core/trunk and nutrition makes a great tummy—not crunches).   This is a huge thing to think about, seriously, because as you pound away at your booty you may be setting yourself up for some major surgery later on.

Although I love writing, I stress when I set out to write articles like this because on the screen they can read as preachy or judgmental.  I can tell you without a doubt that nothing like that is going through my head right now.  What’s running through my mind is what I was like when I wanted nicer shoulders and the only word that I can think of is “fixated”.  It was my main focus and I cared about nothing else besides my shoulders.   Fortunately, I was interrupted from destroying my neck/shoulder region (or unfortunately if you know why I was interrupted) because I really do think that if I continued on I would have had two grapefruits sitting at the top of my arms like a dot on an i.  Of course, reaching over my head or putting a shirt on wouldn’t be possible but dang it all, I’d’ve looked good! (I made that double contraction up. Work with it.

Function matters.  A lot.  I know we do not all have access to the top physical therapists out there (or have the awesome Heather on their staff) but it is worth it if you can at least once in your fitness career be evaluated for your weaknesses.  If you have tight hip flexors and weak glutes to begin with, when you go to do any of the exercises mentioned you run a high risk of not engaging your glutes properly thereby killing your progress.  You think that you aren’t doing enough so you keep doing more of the same and your weaknesses snowball from there.  If you train for function more than you train for form, you will be much better off.   The catch here is twofold:  1) to get over yourself enough to embrace a new way to train other than strict body part training and 2) to take the time off from hard training to do any necessary mobility work if need be.  How many of us really do anything preventative?

I know what you’re thinking.  “Then teach me to do it the right way, Jodi.  What am I missing?”  I can’t, it’s not my gig, but I know whose it is and I will give you that info at the end of this series.  I have a little more to talk about and I don’t want you to lose your focus by focusing on your bum which is the focus of this series.  You need to focus!  We haven’t even touched dieting, yet, and how you diet does make a difference in what your bum looks like.

Where does this leave you then?  What’s my point in drawing your attention to function and not form?  Balance.  Make sure that your program has balance.  Spread out the butt stuff throughout the week or do a good butt workout once, maybe twice in a week.  But do not go crazy and make every day a butt day by putting in something in every workout.  That’s not good.   Here are some guidelines for you:

1)      Limit the plyometric activity to no more than twice a week. This means sprints as well as pure plyos.  The pounding action of sprints and plyos take a toll on your spine and your feet.  Ease up, killah, before you look like your Aunt Ethel who is all of 4ft 3in by the time you’re done jumping.

2)      Have someone take a look at your program for obvious imbalances. You want to cover all planes of motion in a full body and have something with lateral movement if just a lower body.  Whether you do this in the warm up or in the program itself it doesn’t matter.  Just make sure your workout is not one big variation of the step up.

3)      Pay attention to injuries! So many times I talk to girls and they are working through some major junk like it’s nothing talking about, “I just need to look good for my…”  Listen, if you show up walking like Quasimodo, was it worth it to you?  Knock it off and see a physical therapist!

Nutrition is next.  Some radical supplementation talk for you butter butts and a few other things.  Hang tight.  Woop woop! )

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As we venture into the land of glutes, we need to address the fact that as women we do not all want the same thing from our butt training.  Some of us want bubble butts—firm and poking out.  Some of us want a nice bum minus the layer of cellulite on them—a.k.a. butter butt (nice ‘n smooth).  And then some of us want nice legs and are not sure whether or not to get psycho about the bubble part or not—befuddled butt.  To lump everyone into the same category is to do a disservice to you ladies so let’s chop today’s post up into a few sections to help everyone out.

Bubble Butt

Normally you are: lean already with either a flat bum, fused spine bum or misshapen bum

Very rarely you are: heavy.  I have yet to meet a girl with a large lower body who’s looking to bubble it out more.

Nutrition: clean.  You are lean so your regimen is most likely good.

Supplementation: normal

Your arsenal:

Bridging—weighted or unweighted.  Single leg or both legs.  Feet on floor or high on bench.  Squeeze at the top.

High step ups—the higher you can step, the better.  Form is a must.

Conventional deadlift—single or double leg.  Go deeeeeeeeep.

Hill sprints—also start block training is awesome.

Deep reverse lunges—step off of a plyo box if you can do it.  Go super deep here.

You do best with: double leg work if you do not have a bum at all; single leg work if you have one but no shape.

Butter Butt

Normally you are: soft.  You are about as muscular as a pillow.  You MUST make muscle first.

Very rarely you are: muscular.  I have seen muscular tops and soft bottoms (I mean squishy) but it is rare.

Nutrition: clean as a whistle.  Very little room for things like cheese or processed food.

Supplementation: necessary and high dose.

Your arsenal:

Metabolic cranks—lunges, plyos and band walks thrown together to make you sweat and lean out more.

Kettlebells—complete posterior workout all the time.  No break for the butt and you sweat like a mo.

Deep squats/deads—You need to lift like a man for a while.  Break some PR’s and kill yourself.

Lunges—Heavy.  Not so deep yet because you need to be heavy first.

You do best with: Heavy training with minimal rest that’s going to make you sweat and puke.

Befuddled Butt

Normally you are: fit but not defined.  You look good but no one’s stopping you to do a leg commercial.

Very rarely you are: heavy on the top.  It happens sometimes where legs are good, not defined but top is squishy.

Nutrition: moderately clean.  You are more training dependent than food dependent.

Supplementation: precise.  You don’t need much so what you do need should be precise.

Your arsenal:

Single leg everything—don’t care what it is, do it with one leg.

Sprinting—More on the 200’s and 400’s than the 100’s.  Get the hams involved long term.

Detail work—calf raises, bridging, glute ham raise.

Band walks and donkey kicks

You do best with: progressions.  Obviously we all do but you more than anyone because your training is going to evolve faster as you shape up and decide bubble or not.

Regardless of which butt you prefer, all physique training can (and does) produce unsightly side effects that tend to stain any of the work you do in the gym.  Some training does it more than others.  I find that when we train for a cause we tend to be more aware of the world around us.  When we train for a sport, we tend to be more competitive with ourselves and with others (not always a good thing but not always bad either).  When we train for our bodies, though, we tend to be more myopic and critical.  It is this one that I want us to be more mindful of because trying to perfect a body part requires a lot of “me time” and that can sometimes be bad.  Spending hours on our bodies can skew our mindset, our outlook on life and our sense of purpose.

Without us trying or even meaning to, if we are not ‘on it like hornets’, we can become pompous, mean hotties.  Trust me, it does not take much.  Yes, we’ll help a person out on Facebook or in the gym whenever they may have a question, but ultimately we want to be left alone to look at ourselves in the mirror.  Now, really…that sounds terrible and shallow and it doesn’t really go down that way—or does it?  This is a tough one to address and I am throwing this out there to think about but what do you want that nice butt for?  You know I ask this because I want you to think about what’s really going to happen when you get it, not what you want to happen when you get it.  We want to like what we see in the mirror and we want to be commended for our hard work in the gym (maybe not by a random person, but definitely by those close to us), but we don’t want unsolicited comments, judgment and creepy fans.  Nor do we want tension and strife from our friends and family who now think that we spend too much time on ourselves on a daily basis.  However, I guarantee you that you will get this.

If you are not actively changing the inside of you (i.e. patience, understanding and compassion) to match the outside of you while you do this, your butt is not the only thing that’s going to end up hard.  How many of us have met someone with a great body at a show, gym or event and complimented them and they were meaner than a junk yard dog.  Guess what.  She got the surprise behind door #2 and obviously wasn’t ready character-wise to receive it.  Usually when we say we want our {fill in the body part} to look good, we want the whole package (personality) to look good, as well, and somehow expect us to miraculously be different when our new bodies show up.  Umm…not so in reality.  We think we will suddenly be happier because now we look different but it’s not the case.  If you are unhappy while flabby, you will be unhappy while fit—I can stake my occupation on it.  So while you spend all the time you are going to spend squatting, lunging and stepping, take that time to do a self assessment and see if you need to become patient, kind hearted or available to others.  Honestly, you are doing it more for you than anyone else.  It’s a hard road to walk being hot.

Lots more to come…woop woop!!

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“Smack it up, flip it, rub it down…oh no!”

Arguably one of the most famous butts out there.  Also a good example of a stepping stool, dinner tray or counter top.  Your choice.

No body part is talked about more on a daily basis, by women, than a woman’s butt.   You could argue abs but really, young girls care about abs.  If you are under 23 years of age, you want great abs.  By the time you graduate college, though, you realize that gravity is a force to be reckoned with and you begin to think long term by asking the most fundamental question that every woman wants to know:  “Where in Heaven’s name is my bum going?  Last time I checked, it was midway down my back but I just looked and it’s not there anymore…”   Not to mention, the older you get the less likely you are to show your abs in public.  Gym?—sure.  Public?—not so much.  You can hide unsightly stretch marks, loose skin and a layer of chub under a good shirt but there is no hiding the fact that your butt ends somewhere around your knees and it’s not coming back up any time soon.

I want to chat about our back sides.  In all ways…  So yes, I will be going over my favorite exercises for the butt and what’s really good for them.  I will NOT be telling you what the best one is because it really depends on your alignment and your weaknesses.  You can really mess yourself up by killing one particular exercise to the point of lunacy because you think it will make a better butt when it’s not doing anything because your alignment is horrible.  And your alignment is horrible because some portion of your glutes are shut off due to weakness, injury or so on.  Therefore we will be avoiding “the best” kind of language and be talking more along the lines of “this is a good one” and “ooo, I really like this one, too”.

“Cindy” discovered there’s a dark side to the hack squat.

But you know me by now and you realize that everything comes with a twist.  You can find “the best butt” exercises anywhere and there are plenty of trainers out there much better than myself that are currently doing those types of posts so this begs the question, “What are you really after, Jodi?”  Let me answer that by saying…our back sides.  That side  of us that we don’t necessarily want to talk about or even acknowledge is there.  It comes out when we talk about body parts or taking ourselves to the next level or fierceness in the gym.  We have a secret side to us that’s not always comely, although she’s typically stifled when we have our wits about us, she can pop out at any time and wreak havoc in our lives.  Let’s visit her this week, eh?

Expect some exercises, some programming and some things to think about when it comes to how you view yourself and portray yourself on a daily basis.  I’m looking forward to exploring this with you.  You know how I roll…if you have anything in particular that you want to know, hit me up below or email me.  Cool?  Woop woop!

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No, I really mean it! 

Man, I wish I had a calorie free chocolate cup cake that tasted oh-so buttery topped with guilt free vanilla cream cheese frosting and washed down with calorie free and artificial sweetener free Raspberry Lime Ricky soda for every time a woman told me they wanted nice legs or a tight bum.  But you know what I am going to say…nothing that good comes that easy unless you are A) genetically gifted or B) working in a morgue and you took matters into your own hands (yikes).   

The pursuit of hot legs/tight bum for some women is almost a full time job with most of them honestly just wasting a lot of time in the gym doing useless workouts and following the advice of girls with already nice legs!  Biggest mistake you could ever make:  asking the hot girl in the gym what she does for her legs.  That’s like asking a six foot woman what she did to get tall!  Leave that chic alone!  She’s about as helpful as a one armed man at a cup stacking contest.  Who you need to be asking is the girl who has slowly but surely come into the gym—your gym—month after month consistently looking better.  Right now you don’t think too much of her, but in 12 months she’ll probably be your hero.

Lower body takes time to change.  Period.  In fact, if you do not have at least 18 months to spare you might as well stop reading now and head back to the morgue looking for a ready made pair of legs.  It also requires consistency far more than any other body composition trek that you may be on.  Yes, getting rid of saggy tummy skin is tough (and a post I will do some time soon) and so isn’t adding muscle on a not-so-muscle-ly-girl, but nothing beats ridding the bum of cheese and adding shape to your quads. 

So let’s jump right into it:

BIGGEST MISTAKE

Besides talking to the 5’9” hot mama with gazelle like legs thinking she’s going to impart some world knowledge on you, not lifting heavy enough.  In fact, this is the mistake women make for all body parts.  If you cannot say that you have had at least one training session where you lifted lower body and farted, you have no idea what it is to lift heavy.  I know what you’re thinking:  I don’t have a spot.  I am worried I am going to hurt myself.  I don’t trust lifting the weight by myself. 

Whatever.

Slowly increase your weight per set and per workout (by 2.5# per set) until you reach a point where you could let go and fuel a small bio/green peace type community with one whole set.  I am not kidding.  Shoot for a rep max of about 4 to 5 reps and really do some damage.  Stop messing around with the 15 pound weights and the ten hours of walking lunges.  WASTE OF YOUR TIME.  Either buy yourself a can of beans or man-up and lift heavy!  It’s not that hard!

Rep Range= 5 to 15 reps most of the time at 70 to 95% max weight.

IF ONE WORKS, THEN 5 WILL BE AWESOME!

I am not sure when this started but it had to be in the over-indulgent 80’s.  There was just something about that era that screamed “excess” (maybe the hair…or the black eyeliner phase…who knows?) and made people believe that if something worked by doing it one time, then doing it X amount of times had to be that much better!  This brings us to plyometrics.

I love plyos.  I am a plyo loving and plyo giving whore.  I won’t lie to you.  The only thing I love more than plyos are sprints.  You want nice legs, these must to be in your program…but not 5 days a week.  The minute you tell a girl that plyos will shape her legs or that sprints will tighten her bum, she will all of a sudden transform into Tigger right in front of you and then proceed to bounce her way into knee issues and a sore back before you can say, “Bonita Applebum!”  Whoa Tonto!!  Get a hold of yourself.  Doing plyos 3 days/week and sprinting twice is NOT going to get you the bum you want.  It will, however, get you some shrapnel—formerly known as your legs. 

Never forget:  You do not grow, change, lose weight or what have you when you work out.  You do it when you recover.  A true workout=workout plus recovery.

Plyos= 1 time/week  Sprints=1 time/week

TAKING IT A BIT TOO FAR

Now you know I really wasn’t joking about how heavy I truly want you to lift but I also do not want to come across as if I am telling you to throw caution to the wind and blow out your low back.  Use common sense here.  One of the easiest ways to do this and to stream line your legs at the same time is to do everything unilaterally.  Single leg everything!

Single leg training truly allows you to target your glutes better because you can go deeper in the exercise with less risk of injury and it ensures that one leg is not taking over.  Also, your peak weight with one leg is clearly less than your peak weight with two legs so you are not going to release this big torrent of growth hormone and therefore make “bigger” legs.  (Who truly knows that that wouldn’t happen anyway?)  Instead, you are going to wipe out your legs enough to encourage a rebuild (aka tightening) but stop short of being Arnold.  You also double the amount of work that you are doing.  So if a leg workout is a killer and causes you to sweat like Ruben Studdard on an 80 degree day, you are going to reap twice the benefits in one workout without going overboard.  Sweet!

Great weapons of choice:  lunges, bridges, deadlifts—all single leg

Next week we’ll actually put this together and see what it looks like for real.  It’s great to have parameters but having your week laid out for you is completely fabulous. 

Until then, lift heavy…eat clean…and enjoy life.  And avoid all hot girls with training advice…bwahahaha!!:o)

P.S. No, you are not crazy.  I have doubled posted today.  I am aiming for posts M-F now because you folks are demanding it.  I am so appreciative of all the people reading the blog now and how many of you hunt me down and request topics as well as telling me how much you like it.  I missed putting the Perform Beautifully series on yesterday as planned so I tossed it on this morning and bumped this one up to the afternoon.  Enjoy!