So you know that I have been to the doctor’s office this week, but what you may not know is that I have now been 4 times in less than a week for various other things. I don’t know if you do this but I tend to group my appointments all at the same time. So I have found myself sitting in the back area of the offices—not in a waiting room but not in an individual office either—getting a peek at other patients being oriented for their visits. This includes watching other women getting “weighed in” for their visits. This got me thinking…
We have various reactions to the number on the scale and depending on what’s going on in our lives it can change our reaction. Here are some things that we do in response to the scale:
WEIGHING OURSELVES IN THE MORNING
If we get up in a good mood and we like how we feel, we’ll step on the scale.
At this point the scale is either going to agree with how we feel (i.e. give us a good number) and in that case we can get dressed and go to work with no hassle. We may pick out something a bit on the body hugging side because—hey, the scale said we can. So bright colors abound and difficult material like khaki on us somewhere, we’re living on the edge. If the scale disagrees with what we were feeling (i.e. it’s mysteriously up 2 to 4 pounds without cause), we are now suddenly dressing for a funeral. You can pretty much figure out when someone else has done this when they come into work wearing black pants, a black camisole covered by a black sweater and a pair of easy spirit type black shoes on. Short of her singing an Amish hymn, you know something’s up.
If we get up in a bad mood and we hate how we feel, we’ll step on the scale.
Why do we do this? To punish ourselves, of course. So if the scale disagrees with us and is actually down a pound or two we have 1 of 2 reactions: a) we’ll think that’s bull crap because we know we look like junk so now all of a sudden the scale is not an accurate litmus wheras the day before we were using it to validate life on Mars or b) we’ll accept it but find ourselves an hour later buying something we so don’t need to eat because we’re in a bad mood thinking to ourselves that ‘we have a pound to spare so who cares’. No matter what, though, we hate how we feel so we cannot celebrate the number. It’s lying. But if the scale agrees with the way we are feeling and is up a pound or two, we are bringing the Wrath of Khan to work that day. If we can unleash the Crackin’ we will. If we could make it rain outside, we’d do whatever dance we could because now…heading into our closet, it’s not about funeral—it’s about frump! If it is too big, baggy, ugly, plain, banned in modern civilization or found on the floor that morning—it’s going on. Nothing can save this day other than winning the lottery or finding out something vindicating about someone else. Other than that, the day is shot.
WEIGHING OURSELVES LATER IN THE DAY
This in and of itself is an anomaly so when it happens there’s always a reason:
- We are on a losing streak so essentially we want to brag to ourselves by seeing the number late in the day with our clothes on, after eating still be lower than whatever our litmus number was.
- We don’t want to know how much we really weigh so if we weigh ourselves during the day with our clothes on after eating all day, we know it is better than whatever that number was.
- We had a bad day and what better way to top it off than weigh ourselves midday so we can further dump on the day.
- We want to weigh ourselves in the morning and convince ourselves we lost X amount of pounds overnight because we didn’t eat something we passed on that day.
Whether this is done in a doctor’s office or in the bathroom of your gym, the reaction is the thing we try to suppress:
ABSORPTION This is when there is no reaction to the number on the scale but there is slight delay in her movement. Silently she just screamed and you were allowed to witness it.
MUTTERING She’s pissed but she can’t hide it although she’s not one to cut up in public. So she just told that scale where to go in a not-so-aggressive sort of way.
SHOCK This is the girl who steps on and off the scale at least 4 times before coming back to the scale with a dumbbell of known weight to check the accuracy. Trust me, after verification she’ll move on to MUTTERING or HATRED.
EXCITEMENT Much like shock but with less tension. She’ll get on and off the scale more times than a cured ham at a deli counter just to make sure. If she is really happy and totally self absorbed, she may have a friend hop on to verify who may be the opposite and head into SHOCK followed by MUTTERING. That’s a good time to get out of the bathroom.
UNBELIEF Just like shock but is now followed by EXCITEMENT. This may bring on HATRED (see below) if the girl in her naiveté says something dumb like, “And I’m not even trying.” Or worse… “And after all that I ate this weekend.” Run. Get out fast. Could be a brawl by the showers.
HATRED If this is in the doctor’s office, the patient will say she weighed herself that morning and tell the NP what it was in an abrupt tone. This is a polite way of saying, “Bug off! You’re not messing up MY day.” If this is in the gym, when the EXCITEMENT or UNBELIEF girl steps off the scale, this woman will come along and say that the scale reads low and she needs to add a few pounds to her reading to be accurate. Nasty stuff right there.
What a nuisance that box is. Have you done any of these? I’ve done a few. Let me know below! More to come… Woop woop!!