My husband and I make 24 years this coming Saturday. We have been married for almost 16 years, but we’ve been together for 24 years this Saturday. Just to add a little to the story, we were married twice: first, by the justice of the peace in his aunt’s backyard June 23rd, 1996 and then in a formal ceremony by our pastor at the time on March 9th, 1997. [Don’t ask, I’ll explain in another post at another time. Ha!] Our second wedding was like a hometown reunion. If you lived in our city, you were at the wedding. It was ridiculous. Right when the reception was in full motion and people were having a great time, the music stopped, the lights came on and everyone’s face said the same thing, “What the…??” It was over. Don’t know how we did it, but we totally messed up on the time of the DJ vs. the hall that we rented. It was terrible. We were all left wanting more. And so it goes when you’re goal doesn’t fulfill the want you have in your gut.
There were only a handful of people here and it was awesome. Cried through the whole thing, got the dress off the rack and delivered my Sunday newspapers that morning with him. Those were the days.lol
There are three ways we are let down by a goal: it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t “do it” or it isn’t what we thought it would be for us. Out of the three, one is defeating, one is dangerous and one is depressing but all of them cause us to be aimlessly lost if not addressed properly.
When we commit to a goal, we do so not just with our minds, but we do so also with our hearts. When I say that I am sure some of you think about integrity or finishing what we start because we believe in it and yadda, yadda, yadda. Umm, no. I mean the minute we commit to a goal we begin to dream about the outcome and our dreams come from the heart. Not all of us dream in grandiose fashion so please don’t think that the dream has to be this out of control scenario of you winning American Idol or something. The dream could be as simple as you thinking that the experience is going to be fun, or rewarding or there will be some sort of redeeming quality to it when it is all said and done. Therefore, when the goal does not come to pass, the dream dies right there on the spot and it takes a piece of your heart with you. This is defeating. Or, if the dream does come to pass but it was not enough to fill that want in your heart, you want more and more and more. This is dangerous. Finally, if the dream does come to pass but it was not even close to what you thought it was going to be like and you leave there thinking, “What was that?” or “Why did I even want to do that?” then that is depressing.
I think the music cut out 10 min after this. It was bad.lol And if you hear that noise, it’s my hair piece whinnying. I think the horse it came from wants it back. hahahaha!
How we handle each scenario depends on how deep that goal is buried in your heart and what’s the fuel source behind it. If it is buried deep within, then it’s going to throw you off tremendously. Getting back on track could take weeks, even months. If it is not buried deep but the fuel source is a flame thrower (we’ll talk about this tomorrow), it will have the same effect: devastating. You may be asking yourself right now, “Did I have a dream?” And you may be thinking, “I don’t remember dreaming about the outcome at all. Not my thing.” This line of thinking would be valid if you’re not an active day dreamer, but this does not mean that you didn’t have a dream. Instead of trying to remember the dream, ask yourself the following questions and journal your answers:
- Did you have a sort of giddiness about the event that seemed almost childlike? You may have been super motivated and organized to the nth degree.
- Did you talk about it all the time and couldn’t wait to put time to it? Going to the gym was easy and cooking was a breeze?
- Did you tell people you were doing it for a cause? Things like: to prove I could do it or to “go to the next level”.
- Did you journal it or share it with others daily whether on a blog or a social network of some kind?
- Did you feel pressure to complete it?
- Did you have a sense of emptiness after the event even if you won it or did your best ever?
- Did you even get to do the event? If not, how did you feel?
- Did it not turn out how you wanted it to, if not, why?
- Do you feel shame, embarrassment, anger, resentment or bitterness towards the event in any capacity?
Let me tell you how this goes. The first time you ever ask yourself these questions, you will stay strictly surface. They will be one word answers and you most likely won’t see the need. Or you can answer them and see the issue and because of that, now have the solution. If either one of these things happen, get up, walk away from the table for a while and go do something mindless like watch reality TV or something. Whatever you do, keep the mind free from real thought. Do not be surprised if the answers start going deeper as time goes by. When they do start coming, answer them to your best, most honest ability. It may take you a few permutations but you will eventually get to the core. We will put this together as to what this means soon enough.
If you do not remember a specific event that happened or you’re not exactly sure why you lost your mojo and it’s not here, hang on. Tomorrow I talk to you about fuel sources and you’re really going to hate me then. But I love you. J See you tomorrow. Woop woop!!