Odds and Ends
February 24th, 2011
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by Jodi · Filed Under: Ponderings
If you hang out with me for a week you are in for an adventure simply because my life is crazy and honestly, I love every minute of it. I have a good amount of people that I see during the week as well as those that I get to love all over through our online services and our bootcamp class. But having that eclectic of a week somehow puts me in the wildest situations that either provide a really good laugh or give me some material for the “odd fodder” of the week. This past week was no different although what I am about to mention happened to me and not to one of y’alls.
So glad this happened to me and not to you!
Looks Like I Picked A Bad Week
…to step on the scale at my doctor’s office. Yes, you heard me. What’s with the doctor scales of the world? By habit alone I weigh myself every day. Unlike some of you crazy ladies, it doesn’t bother me what it says so I can get on it every day and read the number as if I was checking the weather. It fluctuates just the same as it does for you (please read that again—I feel as if that was a word to deliver some of you out of scale bondage 
every day so for me it’s just a matter of Que sera, sera. So I have a doctor’s appointment yesterday and the lovely nurse walked me down the Hall of Judgment to step on the scale. Automatically my mind begins to think about the setup. First, I am at a “woman’s” appointment. Need I say more? So that means the only clients that these folks have are women…why is the scale in the hallway? Again, this isn’t for me. My mind starts to think of all of you that I speak with every week. This is NOT a good setup. A man set this office up and then left it for women to run and they, feeling boxed in like a velvet rope, stuck with it because I can’t think of one of my clients who would want to step on a scale in a busy hallway that has a digital readout large enough for Stevie Wonder to see. Anybody hearing me on this one?
As nice as she was, the clipboard gave her true intentions away.
She motions for me to get on the scale and I realize that she has the same outfit on as the grim reaper. What is that about? Regardless, I hop on. Ladies, it read ten pounds more than it did 3 hours ago in my bathroom.
Yes. Ten. Pounds. More.
I didn’t say a word. I smiled at the nurse, checked the brand of the scale and made a mental note about it and then I looked up in time to catch the look of judgment from Ginny Reaper the nurse. Now was she really judging me? No. But that scale read ten pounds more than what I am and at THAT moment SOMETHING was judging me!
All I could think about is what that phone call would like…
“Hey girl, what’s up? How are you this week?”
No hi, no lead in, can hear heavy breathing on the phone.
“Jodi. The scale read ten pounds more at my doctor’s office than what I am at my house scale.” Voice is at an alarming pitch that within the pitch seems to scream, ‘You better pull the best trainer rhetoric you have stored in that creative mind of yours or I’m about to lose it in 3 languages.’
I try to interject, although at this time I am beginning to panic and I don’t even know why.
“Girl, what did I tell you about the scales in doctor’s offices? They always read at least 5 pounds mo—“
I get cut off by a shrill tone that now has escalated to a fever pitch which sounds like, ‘I’ve been waiting all week to sink my teeth into you , don’t tell me anything you told me before. I am no longer rational.’
“Yes, but Jodi”, oh I’m in trouble now, “it read ten pounds more. Not 5—10. How can that be?” You and I know that last question was not one that was to be answered because I would most likely try to open my mouth to speak and she’d just cut me off right then and continue on…
“Does that mean 5 of that is mine? Am I really up 5 pounds? That can’t be water. I don’t understand. Which one is right? How can 2 scales differ that much? Isn’t it a professional scale seeing as it’s in my doctor’s office? Isn’t that the most accurate? Have I weighed that much all along? I can’t go on vacation now/I can’t get married/I can’t go to work…now.” These statements are coming faster than the 5 pounds she gained from the home scale to the doctor’s scale. At this point I choose the easy way out and I gnaw off of a limb with a wild animal I found in my backyard, claimed medical emergency and told her I’d call her back after the limb was re-attached.
Out of my imagination and back to my doctor’s office…
Second, Ginny now leads me to the patient room where I am to now wait for the doctor to come.
By myself. After I have just been judged.
I suddenly realized that there were no sharp objects in the room anywhere. I don’t think that’s by accident. I half expect that they have a room somewhere in the office that when you open the door it goes to nowhere. It’s a cliff and every woman they just put on the scale of judgment heads over there some time during their appointment and hops off. I bet if I went into the basement of doom there would be a pile of women on top of each other, writhing in agony while screaming loud screams of torment about “10 pounds” and “how could it be?”
“Beautiful scene. And below you will find a heap of women who jumped off after getting on the scale at their doctor’s office. Don’t get too close to the edge. Let’s move on folks, we have a tight schedule.”
I truly sat there thinking two things: 1) I have to write about this and I pray they see the humor in this and our behavior as women and 2) that’s not cool of my doctor’s office to be that out of whack for a scale measurement. Heck yeah I am sticking with their scale being wrong! Now granted, I was dressed when they weighed me and I had already eaten but I would have had to have been wearing a bear rug with the bear still in it for crying out loud to make the scale go up by 10 pounds! I am going to be so transparent right now and tell you that that did not bother me because of my weight, that bothered me because of the phone call I would have had to have because of that erroneous piece of metal on the floor! Seriously self centered on this one. But this really drives the point home that it’s just a number and we really cannot live our lives bound up by it.
Don’t be fooled by this innocent face. I have gotten some of my best ‘why does the scale read’ training from this fierce woman.
So what did I do sitting in the office? Text the one person who could seriously feel the drama of the situation…Kas. Tuesday girl. Kas sent me back the best detached lawyer response ever, “Ok well, that’s a bit disconcerting. That really is enough to make you scream.” At first glance you may be thinking that that is a rational, calm response. I have known Kas long enough to know that the following thoughts were flowing through her mind (in no particular order):
What the…
Better you than me…
Right now I am up to my whazoo in tax crap, don’t put that stress on me…
Could that happen?…
Wait, she didn’t tell me which one was the right one…
I’d need some drugs to make it through that appointment…
I’d cry…
If she’s texting me, she must be upset…if Jodi’s upset I’d kill myself…wait, I can’t think about this now, I’m up to my whazoo in tax crap…but was she upset?…
Hahahahaha!! I love Kas. And I honestly do not know if she was really thinking this or not, but I know I’m close!
Ladies, get off the scale. Know it’s just a number. Enjoy your life. It’s too short to be bossed around by a box on the floor. I love you way too much to let that happen. The email series starts today. You know where to find me. Peace.
JODI! HAHAHHA OH MY GOSH, SERIOUSLY THAT EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK! I had my post-op appointment and first thing I had to step on the scale, luckily mine was in a room. However, that damn scale read exactly 10 pounds more than my weigh in at home that morning! I even told the nurse what I weighed to help her along and then it went 10 pounds over! What??? I was shocked…thinking ok I thought I only had 8 lbs to remove, now suddenly I have almost 20?!? I also spent the day in a daze wondering …ok , so which one is right? So I decided that I am just going to stand in front of the mirror naked in good light and let that be my judge and jury! hahaha But what a conincidence! Too funny! Love reading your stuff!
Girl, I am telling you…it’s a conspiracy to give me grey hair before my time. I want to stay youthful looking like Seanna and Heather and they’re trying to age me before my time!LOL I honestly thought of how many women I work with that this would send into a tailspin… How are you?? You hanging in there?:o)
Ok, first of all, GET OUT OF MY HEAD! You nailed everything that went through my mind, including the panic attack I had just thinking about how I’d react if that was me – - and yes, wondering if you were upset!
But in all seriousness, I loathe stepping on any other scale than mine. Last few times I’ve been to the doctor I do one of two things (1) tell them I weigh myself every week and was just on the scale that morning, so they can take that number or nothing. or (2) get on the scale, look away, and tell them not to tell me.
And in more seriousness, the scale really does have too much power of most of us. What does it matter, if I wake up, feel amazing, step on the scale, see the weight, then go to the doctor and the weight is higher. Has anything changed? NO. But somewhere along the way we decide what number is “good” and if we are not at that number, we are a failure, fat, bad, insert whatever word/feeling here. So as I stop the reliance I have on the scale to dictate my self worth, I now only step on it when I FEEL GOOD, knowing that the number can’t change that.
Hey Jodi!
) 
) xoxoxoxo
I am good, feeling great and almost back to myself again. Got the A ok to work out again…so am doing that. Eating clean, working out, following Jodi Jones (the plan I already have)…and other stuff….we need a hookup soon? Lunch?
Dearest Jodi,
Just move your scale up at home 10 lbs…..it’s just a number, right?… and it is calibrated wrong. For sure.
Kinda like me getting used to the fact that in 3 years I will hit the big 5-0! You heard me right, I take years to get used to the big ones…SO right now I am thinking, at nearly 47 that I am nearly 50. Just my way of wrapping my mind around growing older, the big one, 3 years in the making.
Whew! Whatever!!!!!
It is not fun, these mental beasts we slay every day.
Lynn! Yes…I’ll email you!
Monica! What? That’s giving in and we can’t have that!lol
And as for the age thing, i just tell everyone I’m 55 right now (I’m actually 41) and they all say the same thing…”You look so good for your age!” Works like a charm. We’ll have you at 75 in no time! Hahahaha!:o)
O! M! GOSH! What a post! Holy moly ya’ll. I hate scales. I found out about a year ago that the analog (is that right?) scale I purchase right after my son ( who is 12 now) was 8-10 lbs under. I went into a mini-depression for a few days when I found that out because of course, I was NOT in perfect stage shape, I had just washed my jeans and they were TIGHT, I was about to have my period and so was bound up and bloatie, and yeah, I was freaking miserable! I hate scales. So I bought a new one, a digital, and I feel like this one is accurate. At one gym, on their scale I weigh the same as mine. At another gym, on their scale I weigh less, by like 5 lbs – so does that mean that mine at home is high? I like the scale at the gym that says I weight less. Regardless of which weight is accurate, I’m with Lynn. I get undressed at do a once over in the mirror, and I’m happy. Scales, schmales.
Jodi, Fyi. Ginny is my father’s wife’s name. Hmmm.
RE:crazy client on the phone
Why you wanna put all my bidness in the streets?
That was so hilarious. The part about wearing the bear rug… with the bear still in it… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And the Kas part was SO dead on! I love Kas.
I gave up on the scale many moons ago. I may check in from time to time, but only under the following circumstances: 1) First thing in morning; 2) Naked; 3) After a big poop (sorry, but I know I’m not alone, don’t pretend); 4) Feeling so skinny that the resultant number won’t bother me. It is tough to get those 4 stars to line up, so the weigh in doesn’t happen much. I work surrounded by mirrors, I can see what’s going on every minute of the day, thankyouverymuch.
Jennifer: Bwahahahaha!! You would be amazed at how many clients think I am talking about them when I write a post or send an email. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME!LOL
Heather: I knew you’d love the bear rug comment. I figured you’d like the picture of the cliff too.lol And you are right about the poop comment. Girls will empty their thoughts before hopping on if they thought it would do something!LOL!!:o)
Seanna: SHUT UP! Girl… that’s not cool. Ginny the Grim Reaper…hmmmm… And I remember the analog scale discovery…OY!:o)
LOL!!! I laughed my butt off reading that entire post. SO FUNNY! That is the true Jodi right there.
Made me think of the movie Dodge Ball when “White Goodman” tells a Globo gym employee to add 5 lbs to the scale in the womens locker room. Men do that crap to drive us nuts.
Jodi, so i’m finally leaving a message on this post. you were so right to have me read it. who puts a scale in the hallway
…and if you do so, you need to expect that someone like me will strip down to almost nothing b/c i rationalized to myself that it was a “lady appt” and so there were only women present and that they (the dr and his staff) should have known better than to put the scale in the middle of the hallway. my poor nurse just looked at me and held my clothes as I kept peeling them off.
it was a sad state of affairs but completely necessary b/c i dreaded being 10lbs up.
(audible sigh) i wish the number didn’t speak or judge – but alas, it does. maybe one day i’ll be as good as jodi but until then i make no promises about my behavior in the dr’s office.