I went to my sister’s house yesterday morning and it is a bit of a drive for me, all highway, at least an hour.  It’s Sunday morning so there are very few people on the road but there was enough that you might have to dodge a few slow pokes and avoid a couple of psychos.  Halfway to her house I pick up a psycho.  A woman in a Toyota (relatively new, well kept and nice tires—just sayin’…) decides that she is going to play footsie with me.  She could not decide whether she wanted to be in front of me or behind me.  She would speed up and pass me and then moments later I would find myself passing her—and not because I was trying.  If this was a weekday, I would have ended this nonsense by just blowing past her (and the NASA space shuttle for that matter) all in one swoosh.  I drive a lawn mower for a car so this would have been an effort but I wouldn’t have cared.  I would have thought: “Off with your head!” as I left her 10 car lengths behind.. 

But it’s Sunday morning and I seriously could not have cared less.  I was groggy, enjoying my CD in my car and just loving the drive because there were no cars on the road.  So when she decided to kick it up a notch and pass me for the third time, I let her.  She must have flown by me doing at least 90 and was probably thinking the same thing I would have been thinking had I passed her—‘Off with your head!’.  I was happy to see her go and thought to myself, “I need a good wingman anyways to flush out the staties. I’ll stay close but not too close.”  No sooner did I think that than I saw him pull out from the side of the road, fly up behind her and pull her over.  You know that could have been me.  Gotta love a good wingman.

Do you have a good wingman? 

Technically, my driver friend does not fully count as a wingman because we are supposed to both be in it together for us to each other’s wingmen…but at that moment, she was mine.  And I am wondering, when it comes to dieting, do you have a wingman? 

Seriously, this is not a role to take lightly and just put any ol’ person in the position.  You need to have a friend who has your back so that when you call her up with one hand on the baked chicken breast and the other hand on the Twinkie, she knows what to do.  Dieting is hard.  Dieting with a very distinct purpose of affecting a change in your appearance more than what the general public will do is even harder.  You need someone in the trenches with you who knows how to roll with your mood swings and provide you with good advice when you find yourself leaving your husband for a molten chocolate dessert that he ate without any remorse.  Oh no, you need to really *think* about this role. 

Who is it?  Who is that person that can keep you on track even when you don’t want to be?

You don’t know?  Find them.  Fast.

These people do exist and most of the time they are not your closest friend.  They almost shouldn’t be because it’s going to get rough.  When you just cannot eat another piece of chicken or you want to poke your eyes out if you see another vegetable, they need to step in like Rocky’s trainer and slap you around like a husband in a bad Lifetime movie (such as Julia Robert’s brother who must have starred in at least 10 Lifetime movies—oy!).   Really good friends have a hard time doing that for you.  They typically sympathize with you and end up enabling you:  “You know what, girl…You haven’t had anything in a long time.  Let’s just go to dinner and get something…”  Don’t fall for this.  Get a wingman who will handle you differently:  “Girl, go in your closet and put on those jeans you want to wear.  Oh wait, they don’t fit right?  I didn’t think so.  I’ll see you at the gym in a half hour.  Be ready to do some work.”  Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

It’s January so you are most likely on a mission that’s burning hotter than Aruba with no shade.  But that’s going to fade real soon.  Like…ummm…tomorrow.  So when that happens, you need to be prepared.  Get that wingman in place now. 

She needs to be stronger than you.

She does not have to be {insert here} (skinnier, taller, prettier, etc.).  It’s not about that.  It’s about will.  She’s gotta have it.

She needs to be available.  Don’t pick your second cousin Leslie who just happens to be in jail at the moment.  Yeah she’s tough ‘n’ all but she can only call you Sunday nights after 7pm.  Not good.

She needs to have similar goals because you are riding her mojo. 

Lastly, she needs to know how to get it done.  You don’t want to be wandering in the desert for 40 years with this girl.  You want to get somewhere fast.

Right now it is all about staying on track.  Starting with the end in mind.  Doing your thing.  Getting it done.

Yes, you can do this without a good support network.  You can even do it without a good wingman.  But it won’t be anywhere near as enjoyable so do yourself a favor and go find one.  She’s ready and waiting to boss you around.;)

Or…watch your rear view mirror because whether you like it or not, you may be someone else’s wingman.

Happy Dieting!  Woop woop!:o)

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On a normal work day, I get up at 4 am and start my long arduous commute to work in my basement.  It could take me a whole 3 min. to get down there if there is a lot of traffic that morning.  If there is traffic, it’s always around my kitchen area where there could be something left out and in the way that distracts me from the task at hand.  I try to find alternate routes to work when that happens because I can really be bogged down in there for as long as 15 to 20 min.  I have a very clear objective in the morning: avoid the kitchen.

 I get up that early in the morning because I honestly want my brain as sharp as possible for whatever task is at hand that day.  I love that the house is as quiet as a church mouse and I have free run of the living room, kitchen (even though it’s a boobie trap) and basement.  It is honestly the best time of the day for me in terms of creativity.  That’s huge!  Because as we age we take for granted one of the most precious gifts we have been given—our brains.

Have you ever been mid sentence and just lost your train of thought?

Have you ever been mid sentence and just lost your train of thought and who you were talking to lost it as well?

Have you ever put something down in the house and then for the life of you, have no idea where it is?  Only to find it a day later in a draw or on some obscure shelf?

Ever set up an elaborate color coding system for something in your house or your job and then not remember what it all meant so you had to start over or just scrap it?

Still can’t remember all the names of the parents of your child’s fourth grade friends even though you’ve known them all since your child was in PreK?

Do you remember a time when you were just flowing with creativity and so much around you inspired you?

Have you ever written up a long list of things to do so you could avoid forgetting it all only to lose the list somewhere in your house/office/car and not be able to check it all off?

 Losing your mind is not a normal part of aging; it’s a normal part of everyday neglect.  High stress, poor nutrition (even if eating all the “right” foods), being sedentary, being stuck in a rut and lack of proper vitamins can really do a number on your brain.  Eventually, it translates into poor cognitive response from your brain and you are left standing in Starbucks staring at the menu as if it changed from the day before and they added 10 new items! 

 It’s time to exercise your brain to keep it sharp as a tack and as pliable as clay.

 1)       Break the Chain!

I know it feels good to have a regimented schedule where we get a lot done in a day, but doing the  same thing every day is just as bad for us as eating the same thing every day.  Step outside of yourself at least once per week and do something different.  Learn something new.  Stretch your mind like you do your muscles and your wallet! My nose is always in a book or I am forever in a class of some sort.  Learn, learn, learn! 

2)       It’s Playtime!

Remember when you were younger and you would get those silly puzzle type books for Christmas or your birthday?  They would have connect the dots in them, crosswords, word play and etc.  Didn’t you just love those?  Good, go buy one right now.  Get on it and get cookin’!  Books like those are the “treadmills for the mind”.  You will be that much sharper once you do a few crosswords and word scrambles that challenge your current level of thinking.  Even if you do not get them right, you’ll be that much wiser.  Hurry up, Highlights is waiting for you.

3)       Power Foods to the Rescue!

Omega 3 oils, nuts, fatty fish and some white fish, chocolate (yes, I said chocolate) and tomato juice/sauce are all brain loving foods.  Get them in your diet.  Are you surprised to see the good fat there?  Honestly, I am going to start snorting it now and just cutting right to the chase.  Do we need any more examples as to why it is so important in our lives? 

4)       Ok Killah, Chill Out!

A bit high strung?  Working 25 out of 24 hours in a day?  Packing more in before lunch than an entire city full of workaholics can in a week?  Not good!  Back it down or you are priming yourself for a great brain frying event.  You are going to burn out faster than a cheesy incense stick purchased on a Manhattan corner!  And burn out means only one thing: fried brain cells.  Say hello to confusion, fog, mood swings, large memory gaps and more.  You need to get a handle on your situation now before you incur permanent damage.

Now all of this exercise is occurring outside of the gym and is very doable!  There are no excuses here.  Get to lovin’ and pamperin’ your mind right now and stop the leaky faucet in its tracks.  You may be so far gone right now that you don’t even know you lost your mind—now that’s a shame if so.  Let’s all hope for the best if this is you.  But if you have enough where-with-all about you to know it’s going down, then get on it!  A mind is a terrible thing to waste!  (As well as a good meal and an even better dessert.  Another post for another time, for sure!)

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Do you really know how to set goals or do you just write a bunch of ‘wants’ on a piece of paper and hope for the best?  Goals are great things to have because they keep us focused and wanting more of ourselves, but do you write them risk free?  Do you stop short of really demanding something of yourself that might possibly illicit a change out of you?  What I really want to know is…

How High Would You Climb If You Could Not Fall?

I want to know.  If you knew there is was no chance of you falling, how high would you go?  What would you write on that piece of paper as a goal?  Why would knowing you would not fall change anything? 

GOAL SETTING

Here is one task that I truly feel is misinterpreted.  There are many theories about goal setting and I do not want to go into any of them in this post but Mindtools and MyGoals.com both have great theories on how to set goals and put them into action so you can check them out if you want to be super technical about it.  But I want you to think before you even go there to learn how to put any goal you have in action, “Am I already limiting myself when I set my goal?”  When you go to write that goal down and put it into action, is it already clipped at the edges to make it pretty and doable lest you stick your neck out a little and take a risk?

ENDLESS GUARANTEES

(This is for the ladies, guys.  Sorry.  I have one coming for you soon, hang tight.)

We women need to Believe.  We have an insatiable desire to believe in something and invest in it.  It is hard wired into our system.  When we were younger, it was the hot band/singer at the time.  As we aged, it was a college professor.  Getting into the work field had us looking up to our mentors/leaders ahead of us.  No matter what stage of life we are in, we are looking to believe…so that we know we can do it, too.  We need reassurance.  We need a guarantee.  We need to know that we are not just making something up and that it can be done.  And then when we have that, we need it some more.  And then we look in more places for more reassurance.  And finally, we look again!  In other words, we very rarely come to a place where we believe that we too can achieve the task at hand and we are in a never ending search for a guarantee that we can do what we are setting out to do. 

REVERSE THE PROCESS

Instead of having you write down a lofty goal and then filling you with endless quotes as to why you are good enough to do what you want to do, I want to just ask again:

What is going to happen if you do not achieve that goal?  OR

How High Would You Climb If You Could Not Fall?

If there is no risk of harm, why stop climbing?  Can you write that out for yourself?  What is the worst thing that can happen if you set a lofty goal, take a risk and then fall short of it?  Will you lose your house?  Will it end your marriage?  Can you still pay for your kids to go to school?  What’s the worst thing that can happen?  Why can’t we just Trust and Believe that if we do what we are supposed to, that everything else will fall in place?  Where are we failing ourselves?

We buy into products (Mary Kay, Pampered Chef), people (Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra), methods (The Secret) and etc. and we become motivated enough to sit down and write goals for someone we do not believe in!!  Is anybody hearing me here??  Invest in yourself!  Believe in yourself because I ask one more time, “What’s the worst thing that can happen if you fall short of that goal?”  You would either try again or analyze what went wrong and fix it.  But no matter what, you would be a better person in the end.  You will have learned, grown, expanded, become more confident just knowing the world didn’t explode—you will have done something more than just the usual, “I want to lose 5 pounds.” 

Sticking your neck out is rewarding.  Standing up to your fears is tremendous.  Yes, you did not get the part in the Broadway show that you wanted (totally made up scenario here), but you went to 10 auditions and met 2 influential producers and got some great experience in the mean time.  You would have never done that the year before so yes, you fell short of your goal and you may feel dejected because you did not get the part, but guess what, you are still alive and you can still perform.  What was the risk?

FACING FACTS

I feel like Mondays are a time when everyone sits down and writes up new goals for the week, month or whatever.  Go ahead, write your normal goals down on paper…and then write one helluva whopper of a goal that makes you shake in your boots.  Go ahead, I dare you.  What’s the worst that could happen?

Make this a good week, folks! 

p.s. My little one is much better.  Thank you everyone!:o)

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We had so much fun didn’t we?  We would hang out and be care free.  Ahhh, the days.

We would get up and just go run down the street to our girlfriend’s house for the heck sake of it.  No, not walk—run…like a bat out of hell!…in shoes…from Coquettes…LOL!! 

Life was spontaneous.  We were spontaneous.  We were in constant movement.  Never ever sat down. 

Being young was a gift that was taken so much for granted.  Not thinking too much about the next day because we couldn’t stop laughing that day.  Everything was fun, carefree and active.  Vibrant.

Remember when we just ate?  We didn’t care what we ate every day.  Uncomplicated.  Back then processed food just wasn’t an issue.  We didn’t think twice about it.  Food was on the table every day freshly cooked and healthy.  We had a great childhood like that. 

Unassuming.

The goal of every day was to top the joy of the day before.  Sure we had bad times here and there (Hawaii, July ’81) but they lasted only as long as the event.  Right after that we were back to loving life.

No post workout shakes.  No amazing glute exercises, our butt cheeks already sat on our necks they were so tight!  No worries about mixing foods, eating bad fats, varying cardio, making a PR, scale weight, skinny jeans and the like!  It was just us with our endless love of activity (we didn’t call it exercise because we LOVED to do it incessantly) and our healthy relationship with food—all day long.  

Our youth seemed endless. 

Where did time go?  Not sure how much we can reverse… L

It was amazing to have that time with you.  I am sure we can get it back if we just try. 

I really miss you, Jodi…

With all my love,

Your Alter Ego

P.S.  Can you relate to the message behind this post?  Not all of that pertains to me as I am sure the same for you but the essence is there.  Tell me what you miss about you.  Do you remember when?   And can you bring it back?  I am close to finding that woman again.  She is in there peeking her little head out.  And every so often I find myself skipping for no reason or playing tag with my kids (Who cheat btw, haha!) and think, “this is the life!”  Drop some of what is weighing you down today and find her/him.  And when you find them, hug them tight because they have missed you dearly!

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You know I ended my last post with me telling you to enjoy life and if you are like most people I am sure you did not think too much about that statement.  I really want you to think about that statement.

You know I am an engineer (oh wait, you might not because my About page isn’t finished yet…GRRRR;) and I cannot help but think like an engineer all the time.  One of the most beautiful, yet simple, concepts of engineering is inertia:.  A body in motion will continue in motion until acted upon by an external force.  This could mean many things like: 1) You are on your way to the freezer with the ice cream in it until the phone rings. (Yes! Saved by the bell!)  2)  You were about to head to your co-worker’s cubicle to tell her to mind her own business and pull her weight in the project and if she just got off the phone maybe she could get—and then your boss calls your name or 3) You start on a little project that you complete, which makes you feel good, so you continue on to bigger and better projects.  Let’s focus on the last one since you ran out of ice cream and your co-worker was laid off…cool?

There are some things in life that just feel good.  And with that good feeling, they bring joy to your life.  Simple things like:

A good workout.

The shower after a good workout.

A good workout, a hot shower and a great lunch with a friend.

A good workout, a hot shower, a great lunch with a friend ending with mani/pedi’s for the day.

Wait, all that and a COUPON or TWOFOR special with the mani/pedi’s AND free parking.

Oh the endless permutations!!!!!!!!!!!

And completing a task.

Checking off the to-do’s for the day feels good but take that one step further: completing a full task/project feels even better.  So this isn’t dropping off the dry cleaning or cleaning the bathroom, this is making it to 5 push ups, doing 3 pull ups, organizing a whole closet or clearing out the draw (you know, everyone has the draw with all the stuff in it).  This is a task that you set out to achieve and when you complete it you not only feel good about it, you feel accomplished.

Now I know what you are going to say, “Jodi, I set goals all the time.  I am organized and driven and accomplish more in one day than you do in a week you once-every-few-days-blog-poster.” (Oh the hostility!)  Really?  How many of them are complete?  And how many of them span more than a day?  (again, the go-to-the-gym/complete-all-workouts-for-the-week type checklist is not what I am referring to).  When is the last time you set a lofty (or even mambi pambi) performance/physique goal and achieved it?  Do you know how good that feels? 

We like to start things, but we do not like to finish them.

Am I speaking to you with this one?  (Oh sing it sistah!  Oh Lord, break me down and…focus—sorry.)  Do you have 9 projects going at one time thinking you are “movin’ and a shakin’” when really you are just “wigglin’ and a strugglin’”?  When is the last time you really completed something?  I mean really completed it?  THERE IS JOY IN THE COMPLETION!  Honestly. Finish it.  Take it all the way to the end and then celebrate it. 

I know, I get it…starting something new is energizing.   The beginning of the week is always better than Thursday afternoon when you are just praying for Friday.  Diets are better on Monday than Saturday.  A new weight program is fun but 2 weeks later you need to be threatened within an inch of your life just to go to the gym.  Your start is always amazing; but what about the finish?  What’s up with that?   Do you blur your finish by morphing it into a new goal and calling it by a new name so you never have to admit that you didn’t finish it?  Talk to me about the finish! 

Why?  Because there is JOY in the completion and if you do not have glimpses of JOY in your life you stop caring, fighting, wanting, driving, being.

Every time you do not accomplish something it takes a tiny piece from you.  So that half done quilt in your bedroom that is under the half read book you started 3 months ago is reminding you day in and day out that you are not successful.  And feeling successful is just as important as BEING successful.  You must complete something soon!

Now I am not looking down my nose at you.  In fact, I have a nerve!  I am sitting in my office next to my brand new bookcase that is only half filled with books because I have not finished putting them in the case in the order that I want. (Read b/w the lines there and you see glimpses of “Sleeping with the Enemy” with the cans in the cabinet!lol)   And if you knew how many books I had, you would understand!  So now it is taking away from my joy!  I need to complete this.  In fact, I need to complete a few things in here or I am heading down an ugly path of joylessness. 

So what am I asking you to do?  I want you to complete something this week.  Do not start something new.  Complete something old.  Have you been meaning to “fill in the blank here” for a while and just haven’t?  Do you have a book you can finish?  Or a goal that you keep tabling?  Finish it!  But don’t just mindlessly pick up the project and chip away at it.  Set out on a path of completion.  Mark check points on your calendar so you can stay on task.  Tell your friend so they can keep you accountable.  This can be gym related or just house related—who cares!  Finish a project that’s big enough to create a tsunami of successful feelings but small enough to fit within a 2 week time frame. 

I, myself, am giddy with anticipation over a project I have looming in the background.  It is honestly about 6 months away from being done and if you are a personal trainer looking to bring your clients to the next level—you’ll want to follow this project.  But in the mean time, I need to create some serious inertia for that to happen because that’s a long way away.  So I am setting smaller, more achievable goals to give me that successful feeling I crave…   

We need a rhythm, a flow, an accomplished feeling…

…because once we have it, we are on such a high for at least a week (most likely more than that) that we can conquer just about anything! 

…then we’ll capitalize on our inertia and set our sights higher!

Are you ready? 

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I had a great discussion the other day with a client with whom I have a tremendous amount of respect.  We got to yapping about women and their goals and we hit an impasse.  We ended with us agreeing to disagree in a very respectful manner, but it got me thinking:  how honest are you about your goals?  And not just with other people, more importantly with yourself?

Let me give you what are discussion was about and then I’ll give you some quick background so you can see where I am coming from, and then I REALLY want you to weigh in on this matter.

My client, who I will refer to as Ethel (what? You don’t have a GF named Ethel? Sheesh!), believes that women set performance goals for the challenge.  She trains many of them for endurance events and for her they are driven by the goal.  When they come on to her team she warns them that they are going to gain weight while training for the event—not lose—and she says they are cool with that because it is all about the goal.     

Now I have a thoroughly different opinion.  Honestly, I have been dieting (men and) women for almost 12 years now.  I have a pretty good idea of the human psyche and what women are really like but more importantly, I know what secretly burns within them.  Everyone loves a challenge.  Everyone loves a goal.  Everyone loves a great cause.  And everyone wants to look good.  So to run a marathon for your Aunt Helen to raise money for the “X” Foundation is noble and it is rewarding and in the back of your mind…it is a great way to lose weight.  I feel that no matter what sport a woman plays, participates in or heck, goes to watch (LOL) she is doing it to look good—OH yeah!…and it’s a great challenge. 

Now here’s some background for you so you can understand where I am coming from:  When Ethel (yes, that’s her name!lol) gets a client in, she is their coach.  Her position is one of authority and expertise but it is not what I would call a confidential or confidant-type position.  You could go all the way to marathon day with her and never share much about your personal life with her.  Now does that happen?  Probably not, but hear me out.  My position is also one of authority and expertise, but it is COMPLETELY a position of confidentiality and trust.  Women tell me things they would never ever repeat to another female lest they be judged harshly.  If you have ever met me before you know I am not one to judge and I am not one to talk.  There are items in my house that I may never find again because I won’t tell myself where they are!  So because of this, I have soul bearing conversations with women that I don’t think they would even admit that they had a week later.  All of those conversations center around the fact that at the end of the day, they better look good.

So here are some things that you may hear and I will give you their interpretation:

“I really enjoy the challenge.” 

Or…I would never keep an exercise regimen going on my own to stay looking hot so I chose to do something really hard and tell everyone so I am forced to finish it.  I better lose weight while doing it.

“My girlfriend asked me to do it with her and I said, sure!”

Or…I’ll be damned if that chick gets a head start on me for the summer.  If she can do it, I can too!…Wench!

“I want to see if I can better my time.”

Or…I lost 3 pounds the first time and then gained back 7!  I’m going in for a second time and see if I can’t get rid of it for good!  As long as I blah blah, I’ll lose weight.

“I need a goal.”

Or…I’ll sit my lazy butt on this couch the whole winter if I don’t commit to something.  I cannot gain weight this season!

“I’m doing this for my blah blah.”

Or…and if I can lose a few pounds while supporting Aunt Betty Anne, it’s a win-win for everybody!

“I really need to start and finish something big.”

…other than this bag of chips in front of me.  I better lose at 10 pounds running this race!

“I just want to do it one time to say I did it.”

Or…I am not convinced that I could get hot without it so I am going to sign up for this asinine challenge.  My boyfriend better appreciate what I’m about to go through….bastard!  I better lose cuz I’m only doing this once!

So this is my reality.  Girls will give their friends a lot of good ‘air time’ filled with meaningful platitudes and then they’ll become super intense on me, draw close to me and tell me that if I do not make them hot while they are doing XYZ, that it’s going down!  EEK!

But this all stems from the fact that no one wants to admit to themselves—never mind some total stranger—that they are about to do a life changing event for aesthetic reasons.  The desire and want is there, but why admit it when you can hide behind the noble cause.  Now why does it matter you might ask?  What’s the harm in hiding behind a goal?  A lot.

First, it sets the tone of your training.  So if you really were about your body and not your overall goal of doing well in the event, no matter how well you do in the event you will always be disappointed if you come out heavier than you went in.  Second, you may begin to change your behavior or eating habits to facilitate an unrealistic physique goal thereby jeopardizing a solid performance goal.  Lastly, you may begin to lose sight of rational thinking and have a one track mind that is not setting you on a good path of health and beauty.  No matter what, a goal built on dishonesty is no goal to have.

So I want to know.  How honest are you about your goals?  Seriously.  Are you participating in a sport for the sport or for the hidden benefits like a hot body?  Have you ever thought this much about it?  Would you do an event if it meant that you would gain weight or would you pass on it?  LMK what you think!  Am I off track?  Talk to me!!  Ethel wants to know too!

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You’re afraid of me aren’t you?  You want to ask me what I know but you’re afraid.

Go ahead…ask me what I think!  You know I’ll tell you!  And then for the rest of the day I could make you either happy or sad.  You decide–it doesn’t much matter to me.

Whether you are a business woman making 6 figures or a stay at home mom with beautiful cherubs, I have something to say and I know that you will listen.  I am just that good at what I do.

I may chastise you, praise you, give you validation or rob you of your joy.  My “critique” is heard by many.

You seek my knowledge every week as if what I think really matters.  Why you give me such power is beyond me but I’ll take it.  Sometimes you’ll seek me out every day or even twice per day.  Whatever.  I am always here and available so you can’t help but stalk me.

I’d love to say I care–but I don’t.  I can’t stop you from asking nor am I capable.  I just sit by and watch you perform your daily ritual of self doubt, self torture, self mockery…need I go on?

I just love days when you are tired of asking me and getting the same answer over and over, so you ask others just like me!  And then they tell you a different story!  Oh boy!  Now you’re really a hot mess!  Which one to believe? 

The best thing is…I can reduce you to a blubbering fool.  I am blown away by that power.  I can’t say I revel in it but I have to say it is an elixir for me.  Who wouldn’t want that kind of control over someone at least once in their lives?  I know you trust me…I’m the best at what I do…as if what I say is the truth and all–LOL…that’s kind of cool, too.  But I could be lying to you and you would never know because you take everything I say for face value.  Everybody else thinks my word is bond and for as long as you have known me, you have too. 

NICE! 

The worst thing about this responsibility you force me to bear is when you come to me confident, borderline cocky and I rip you to shreds.  I tell you all about yourself in less than a minute.  Of course, then I am left to deal with your anger, confusion, panic and etc.  Please!  Get it together.  I didn’t ask you to seek me out in the first place!  Don’t make me have to deal with that!  What’s that saying?  Don’t shoot the messenger!  I am not going to change how I deliver information to you just because it affects you so!  You are either going to have to learn how to deal or maybe you should stop seeking my opinion.

If you don’t like what I have to say, then get off my back!  There are plenty others out there who want to hear what i have to say…

With lots of taunting and jeering,

Your Bathroom Scale

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