February 28th, 2012
by Jodi · Filed Under: Ramblings
Normally I would use a story like this to lead into a series but since this is the week of randomness, this isn’t going to lead me into anything but drama. And to tell you the truth, I would have it no other way.
I recently had a doctor’s appointment that was really a consultation for a procedure that I want done. I am going to immediately dispel some rumors right now so I can move on with the story. I did not go to find out about…
- Plastic surgery. With my luck, I’d be on the table and they would have lost what I wanted done so they would just wing it. And then charge me extra, cuz that’s how it always happens with me. Not only do they get my order wrong, but then they charge me for it to boot.
- Removing warts, skin tags or wisdom teeth. I’m too old for that stuff. You do that in your late 20’s and early 30’s when it makes a difference. Right now I’d be afraid they’d mistake something usable on my body for that and take it off while I still need it. And then they’d charge me for it, too. See #1.
- Liposuction or tucking anything anywhere. There is no need for that. I am about 5 to 8 years away from my skin sagging enough that I can do it myself for free using duct tape. I’d never pay for that.
- Any other miscellaneous, nefarious, random, exotic thing out there. Nothing exciting over here. Boring.
But I went to the girlie doc for this consultation and it was supposed to be a simple discussion about the possible things that could happen if I go ahead with it. The doctor himself was the nicest guy. A little on the awkward side but you would be too if you were a girlie doc all day long. I’ve had 3 kids and I have yet to meet a socially acceptable male girlie doc. He had no problem explaining all the ins and outs of the procedure to me and didn’t try to sugar coat anything he told me.
Now for me to have this consultation, I was weighed (who remembers Ginny), blood pressure measured and heart listened to all for me to sit in this office and hear about the procedure. Not to have it done; just to hear about it. So I get this feeling that this guy is very thorough. I have never met him before, I only need to know him to have this done so I have no idea what he’s like and he has no idea that I’m unhinged a bit dramatic at times. All is going well until the end when he says, “Oh. And for me to do this, I need to give you the Depo Provera shot for at least 6 months.” He said it like he was saying something as nonchalant as how his day went that day to his wife. First, for what I am having done, no I don’t need to have a Depo shot. It is completely unnecessary and it’s like he’s throwing it in there because I’ll be on the table. It would be like me telling someone to pick up something they dropped and while they were bent over I ‘might as well do a proctology exam since I have access’. Really right now? Second, he would have been better off telling me that he was going to make me clean all his instruments for the day…by hand…with no gloves…in a kitchen sink…than tell me that. I almost Lost. My. Mind.
Let me lay down some foundational information for you so you can understand why my afro grew 2 feet in the office and the doctor now will never see the original version of Clash of the Titans again (the remake was awful). If you are new to my blog, you may not know my history. About 7 years ago I gained a little less than 55 pounds in four months due to some heinous shenanigans on my part through bad dieting but also from the bad hormone dosing on my doctor’s part and then went through heck trying to get it off. Not all the way there, yet, either. The chief culprit given to me back then? Depo Provera. And with every round that I went through, I gained an average of 15 pounds. By the third round I was done. I was also sufficiently obese. And then I got pregnant–immeditately. OY.
So here is Johnny Come Lately with his Depo shot comment and he follows it up with, “And you may gain a pound or two but you can take that off…” He didn’t get to finish the sentence. Both my butt cheeks held me down to the table while the inside of me took a page from the book of Jimmy Snuka Fly and leapt onto that man’s head like a cat on a mouse. Who can just imagine this conversation that started with, “Just 2 pounds?!!!!” and ended with something along the lines of, “You have no idea who you are talking to…?” while tufts of hair are flying around the room like disrupted feathers. And then I cried. Needless to say, they’ll be no Depo.
Ok. So my point of all of this?
1) Do not take a hormone for any reason what-so-ever unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is necessary. They make you feel powerless and you are not. You can say no. And please do.
2) Understand that although they are doctors, they do not always have your best interest in mind.
3) Drug companies have a big stake in what goes in your body whether you realize that or not.
4) Docs get paid big bucks for that and the reason why he wanted me to take the hormone was so that he could be the one who did the procedure. It’s all based on timing and without the Depo, there’s no guarantee. Shame.
5) Lastly, Knot Today hair elixir mixed with Curl Assurance Fix hair gel makes my hair smell yummy. Thinking about that in the appt calmed me down. Felt like letting you know that.
And so the random week goes… Woop woop!! )