Happy Memorial Day everyone!  I hope you enjoyed a long weekend because I sure did.  I went to visit my parents which means the following: lots of napping, staying up a little too late watching tv with my mother, early morning coffee with my father, and getting in some great hiking and trail running.  It also means that I don’t go to the gym, but instead workout at home.  Thankfully my parents have a small gym area where they have some free weights, an elliptical and space for yoga.  But it also means that I won’t get in my regularly scheduled workout.  Additionally, if I am home for more than a day or two, it means I will have to restructure my entire week.  Whatever plan I am currently doing will have to be modified.

It also means that when I get back home, I usually have a day or two to fill with a miscellaneous workout.  This is the workout you do when you have an extra day to fill or the workout you do when you’ve just finished a program and are not yet ready to start a new one.  Or it is the workout you do when you need a break from your current plan.

This is a variation on that timed sets and can also be called “30 seconds on, 30 seconds off”.  Essentially you set up a bunch of exercises, each of which you were perform for 30 seconds.  In between each exercise you rest for 30 seconds.  Let me give you an example workout first, and then we can talk about variations.  This example is one I would call more of a metabolic romp that is full body with plyos.  As always, perform either a dynamic warm up or at least mobility work first.  Then find an area in the gym and set up all of your weights.  For exercises to be done with weight, chose a weight for which you can do 10 reps, but no more than 10.  There is no weight needed for the ploys.  Because you are lifting for time, a gym boss really comes in handy here.

• BB Front Squat (can also use DB)
• Squat Jumps
• BB Bentover Row
• Prone Jack
• DB Overhead Press
• Burpee
• BB Romanian Deadlift
• Push-Up

Based on the above, you perform front squats for 30 seconds, rest 30 seconds, squat jumps for 30 seconds, rest for 30 seconds and continue until you have finished 30 seconds of push-ups. That is 1 round.  Rest for 2 minutes and repeat for a total of 3 or 4 rounds.

Now that you’ve got the basic set-up, you can start playing with the exercises, rest periods and weight parameters so the workout best meets your goals.  In this example, mixed plyos and traditional lifting.  However, if you prefer a more traditional lift, replace the plyos with all traditional lifting exercises.  I also chose a 10 rep max weight.  However, if you are currently working in a lower rep scheme and want this work to stay in line with that scheme, chose a weight you can only lift for 6 reps.  You will still lift for the full 30 seconds, but because you are using a heavier weight, your reps will take longer.  However, lifting for time will force you to possibly push out a few extra reps – don’t worry if you have to rest in between finishing the 30 set, so long as you keep trying for the full 30 seconds.

I also chose to put together a full body workout.  However, you can put together any split you want.  And finally, I put this workout together for that miscellaneous time.  But, you can easily add something like this in once/week and progress it.  You can progress it by changing up the rest period or by increasing the number of reps you get out in each 30 seconds.  If you want to progress it by time, in week 2, lift for 35 seconds, rest for 25 seconds.  In week 3, lift for 40 seconds, rest for 20 seconds.  Finally in week 4, lift for 45 seconds, rest for 15 seconds.

If you want to progress by reps, keep track of the number of reps you perform in each 30 second interval (write them down during your 30 second rest period).  Keep track for each round you do.  Next week, try to get in more reps (one or two more).

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. But this is a great workout you can do anywhere and customize it to fit the general scheme of your current plan/goals.

We all have our things.  Heather loves the outdoors, animals, Oregon… Kas is all about her Soaps, NCIS, working out and being a top notch lawyer…Seanna is all about her kids, make up, God (I’m so with her on all 3 of those)…Nicole is all about learning and then teaching anything she has a passion for…me, though…I’m about Math.  

Yes.  I love make up (obsessively so).  Yes.  I love what I do for a living (which is nutrition and training).  Yes.  I love my family and my most definitely love my God.  BUT…I would know nothing about anything that I love without math.  If you are a mathematician or engineer in any way, you’ll understand fully what i am about to say:  the world is defined by math.  Period.  All seasons, weather patterns, earthquakes, mood swings, cravings, illnesses and so on are defined by math.  Here, let me say what you’re thinking right now:  “Huh?”

I know, it’s hard for you to see if you do not love math but it’s true.  What happens, though, when you do understand this fact is that the world looks completely different to you than everybody else.  In a way that sounds like a silly statement because doesn’t everybody see the world differently from each other?  No, they see it the same but from different viewpoints.  Mathematicians see the world completely different.  We see patterns.  We see orderly solutions to things others didn’t even realize needed a solution.  We see commonalities between symptoms, regions, causes and so on that no one else picks up.  The upside=we’re ahead of the curve.  The downside=we’re typically missing an emotional gene that makes us a bit more human (I’m working on it.)

Why do I tell you all of this?  (If you weren’t thinking that, I certainly was after proofing the initial paragraphs! OY!)  Because of last week’s post–which by the way prompted a few of you to curse me and one of you to actually call me and say you hated me.  Um…sorry about that.  Anyway, last week’s post was about playing food games and why, as much as you would like to think you are ahead of the game, you are not.  I do not want to go on and on chatting about this.  I want to cut right to the chase and show you why you are wasting your time:

Weekly caloric intake= 7000 cals (totally made up number here for the sake of even numbers.  please eat more than 1000 cals/day.  sigh)
Cheat meal=900 cals (let’s say you went buck wild)
Normal caloric intake for your meal would be 200 cals (1000 cals/day, 5 meals/day gives you 200 cals/meal) 
This means you had a surplus that day of 700 cals (900 cal cheat meal-200 cals you would have normally eaten gives you an extra 700 cals).

Here is something that is hard to explain but the body does not reconcile cals daily.  It’s more like weekly.  This is how you can go 3 to 4 days and then *suddenly* a few pounds pop up out of nowhere or vice versa on the loss.  So a 700 cal surplus can really be represented by an extra 100 cals/day for 7 days.  Sit on that for a minute.  So the cheat meal that you think “set you back” 5 months barely made you have an extra 100 cals/day.  And that’s assuming you went buck wild in that meal and caused a scene in a restaurant by eating the back room.  But mentally you feel as if you just ate a whole buffet in one sitting with no hands.  CRAZY. 

What about extra cardio, Jodi?  Even sillier.

First, what you see on the machine is not what you burn.  Wait…that bears repeating.  WHAT YOU SEE ON THE MACHINE IS NOT WHAT YOU BURN.  “But I have a body bugg, HR monitor, RMR test from a gym, little man who follows me around with a calculator…that’s accurate right?”  NOPE.  There is the law of diminishing returns and you need to understand this.  The better you get at cardio, running, lifting and so on, the less you burn.  Period.  Why?  Because your body doesn’t trust you.  It knows you will try to kill it to look good.  You have no sense and it knows that.  So it works overtime to be incredibly efficient and begins to learn all that you do so that it no longer burns that many cals when you work out.  “But my monitor says…” I don’t care if your monitor told you that you won Power Ball on mile 20, the more you move, the less you burn which is how you can run a marathon.  If you burned cals at the same rate at then end of the training that you do at the beginning of the training, you’d be a waif by the end.  But most of you know that that’s not the case.  Instead, you *gained* weight while training for a marathon….but your bugg told you you burned more cals than a full cheer-leading squad at half time.  Why?  Because it’s calculating your caloric expenditure on a linear curve and it is not linear at all.  As time goes on, you burn less and less.

“Why are you telling me this?”  Mainly so you can stop thinking that your extra 30-60 min of cardio somehow magically burned an extra 700 cals to make up for the cheat meal that you had.  It didn’t do a thing actually.  Maybe you burned an extra 200 cals, but that’s about it.  You still have 500 looming around that aren’t accounted for.  Do I tell you that to stress you out?  No…I tell you that to say:

1. the meal didn’t do 1/3 the damage you thought it did
2. you didn’t make up for it as much as you thought you did
3. your ends do not justify your means so…STOP!

Need I say more?

Here at Jodiojo we want you to have more than a hot body.  We want you to have true health.  Mental, as well as physical.  This is imperative to maintain your physique.  Stop the game playing.  Stop the deception.  Reach out if you need some help with this.  We love you.  Have a good week.  Ciao for now.

Todays post in the little series on how to dress your body its best deals with back fat and muffin tops. Neither of these terms needs further definition, but I will say that muffin top is a relatively new phrase. I remember when there wasn’t any such thing as a muffin top because pants and jeans came up to your real waistline and covered this part of a body up. Granted, the very high rise wasn’t the best look but at least it didn’t create a new issue. Geez.

Ok, below are a few strategies for dressing muffins:

Shape wear:
Indispensable for smoothing out any little bulges. Always choose high waisted garments that provide coverage from the bra band down.

Jeans:
Choose a comfortable fitting medium rise (9” or so). I like a medium rise because they are available all over the place now in lots of styles (skinny, boot cut, straight, trouser, etc.), are easy because shirts will stay tucked in, and as a grown up, they are more appropriate as opposed to something super low.

Tops:
Long tops in A-shape and empire waists are flattering on muffin tops. Look for pieces that drape and/or ruche too. Basically, tops need to be long enough to cover the body. Consider layering any iffy-length shirts over a matching tank top. This is a favorite trick of mine and has saved me from pitching many short-ish cardigans and shirts as well as shirts whose neckline plunges just a little too low.

Back bulges:

You know, this is a weird phenomenon. I mean, what’s the deal? I see bulges and lines around bra on even the slimmest backs?

Bra:
No matter what, we all need a bra that fits. “Most of a bras support comes from the band being snug around the body and level side to side.” If a bra is too large, the band will ride up in back and the straps will need to be tightened way up to get hoist in front, which also causes the band to ride up in back. But, for me anyway, a bra that fits according to this criteria and sits properly low around the back, digs into the flesh on my rib cage, which isn’t nice and smooth from the rear view. I guess it’s not as bad as panty lines, but still. I don’t have a good answer to this.

Shape wear:
A camisole with a bra is awesome for providing a nice smooth silhouette front and back. I love mine, especially under a white t-shirt or sweater. Smaller sizes can get by with the built in shelf style bras while larger busts can wear the styles with a more real bra or just layer a bra-less tank or cami over your regular bra. These pieces are snug so they gently compress and smooth out bulges making them much less noticeable, plus they’re slippery so nothing clings.

Tops:
The main thing about selecting a top is that it isn’t too tight. It shouldn’t be too baggy either-there’s no need to hide your shape, ever. Look for tops that skim rather than cling. Draping, pleats, and tiers are great design details that camouflage back fat. It’s also easy to layer a vest, cardigan or jacket over a t-shirt or blouse and avoid the issue all together.

I know we all work too hard to have any of the body challenges we’ve talked about over the last few weeks, but maybe you know someone who does? Ha! Please share any of your own tricks in the comments.

As I’ve mentioned many times before, I workout in the morning.  I wake up somewhere between 4:50 and 5:30 and head over to the gym.  The number of times dictates when I actually get up, but if everything goes according to plan, I get up at 5 am.  I’ve been a morning-workout-person for the past 9 or 10 years (just figuring that out is crazy to me, I started morning training back in college).

 While morning workouts are my preference, there is usually one day per week that is either my rest day, and as such I don’t workout; or I just can’t get up, no matter how hard I try.  Well, last week did not go according to plan, at all!  Now that tax season is over, I actually have time after-work to have a life.  As a result, I can go to a yoga class or go back to the gym and do cardio.  This is a luxury I did not have Feb-Apr. 

 So last week went a little something like this; Monday my alarm went off, I rolled over and after hitting snooze 8 times, decided I was too exhausted to get up  – so I went to the gym after work.  Tuesday it took all my mental strength to get up, but I did, and I made it to the gym.  Wednesday, no matter what I wanted, there was no getting up.  The same for Thursday (and actually, by this point, I had given up on even trying).  And Friday was a moot point.  Granted I went to the gym after work, but it was not according to plan. 

 Thankfully by Wednesday I had given up and decided to just let this week be.  My body clearly wanted the extra sleep, and since I was able to get to the gym after work, no harm done.  Further, I knew I would start fresh this week and get back to it.  But without the foresight to let it go, I would have tortured myself all week about not getting up for the gym. 

 The body has this amazing ability of forcing us to listen to it when we are in need of things like sleep, rest, and recovery.  While all I needed was a few extra hours of sleep, there have been times when I needed to cease all activity and recover; and despite the fact that I didn’t want to, my body forced it. 

Twice now, once when training for the half marathon and once, a few years later when running with a friend, my body just flat out said stop.  Most of the time I will push through most workout fatigue/pain/suffering and I was trying to do so on both these occasions.  I had mentally turned off the little voice telling me I needed to stop.  Yet, all of a sudden, unconsciously, I just stopped.  The first time it happened I was completely shocked, it was not a conscious decision and after, there was nothing I could to do to get running again.  The same thing happened the second time and I was no less surprised that my body just stopped. 

 I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but it is the body saying “you need to knock it off, and since you aren’t listening, I’m taking over.”  If this hasn’t happened to you during a run/sprint/cardio bout, maybe it has during a lift.  Have you ever been on a roll, lifting like a psycho, making amazing gains; and then all of a sudden – bam – you’ve got nothing and no matter how hard you try, you are not lifting anything else.  It is wild.

 Well, as I get older (and hopefully wiser) I have learned to listen and to be thankful that I have such a wise body that takes control when I’m acting a fool.  For those of you who might not have listened, I wonder soon thereafter an injury popped up?  If you are nursing an injury or remember an injury, what were you doing the months prior to the injury?  Were you training like a psycho and not resting?  Training for a race but also drinking with your buddies at night?  Pushing yourself physically and not eating to support that effort?  I bet you were.  And I bet you can pinpoint the time your body told you to stop or even forced you to stop; yet you didn’t heed the warning.  Even if you took the day off, you went right back to it, without making any modification for the thing your body was trying to tell you (more food/rest) and soon thereafter got injured. 

 If this is you, and the light bulb just went on, try to remember this the next time your body is trying to tell you something.  I know that I certainly am trying, although I know it is easier said than done.  And that is why, last week, I decided to give in to needing extra sleep.  It wasn’t like my body was telling me I needed a week off from training, just that I needed to sleep in – a much easier pill to swallow than having to sit out an entire season/miss the race/take a long hiatus. 

So, I challenge all of you to think back to a time you didn’t listen.  Take stock of the outcome.  And try to be more perceptive the next time it happens.

But first seize a kettlebell and a jump rope!  Here’s why…

I had a good number of folks coming to my lunchtime group training today.  Even a couple of gals from the office on maternity leave signed up and were headed over to join us!  Talk about dedication, right?  The weather today is ridiculous, in a good way, so going outside was a must while we can.  (Meaning: Before the bazillion degree + gazillion % Georgia humidity sets in)  We each grabbed a ‘bell and headed outdoors.  Okay, so we were in a patch of grass between office buildings, but it still beat the heck out of offices, cubicles, dropped ceilings, and fluorescent lighting.

“We’re going outside to play today?  Sweeeeeeeet….!”

WIthout further ado, here’s what we a-did:

1 minute each

• Single Arm Clean and Jerk/Press
• Burpee pushups
• Single Hand Swing
• Mountain Climbers
• KB goblet squat

Choice point:

• Run lap around building, OR…
• Perform 3 100 yard-ish sprints, OR…
• Jump rope until runners return

(Folks were allowed to switch choices round to round)

 4 Rounds.  On any single limb stuff in first section, we’ll do 2 rounds right side, 2 rounds left.  Some of us had suffered through a stick of butter hybrid workout that included heavy lifting (see Kas’s post here for an explanation of that type of training), so we kept the KB light-ish and kept the movement constant for more of a “high octane cardio” effect. (Term stolen from Mike Mahler). 

We then came inside to do “call-out” abs and stretching.   Call-out abs is where each participant calls out an exercise and rep number or time and we do it.  We ended up with:

• Crab Toe Touches (crab position, kick one leg up and reach to foot with opposite hand, alternate)
• Bicycles
• Side lying V-ups
• Plank hold
• Old Skool Sit Ups
• Russian Twists
• Beach Chairs (bastardized version of a Pilates move where you’re lying on the floor, face up, lower and upper body lifted, starting folded up like a beach chair hugging knees, then opening up with arms out to side and legs straight out and lifted)

Enjoy! 

Let’s keep talking about how to dress your figure well. Today’s topic: hips and thighs. To the gals who have been described as pear shaped (anyone but me?), read on.

Pear shaped means the hips and thighs are wider than the shoulders and bust, so balance and proportion needs to be created between the top and bottom. This can be done with clothing by visually increasing the top half (with beautiful and colorful tops, pockets, shoulder details, jewelry, jackets, scarves, etc.) and visually minimizing the lower half (in flattering pants and skirts in dark colors and simple cuts) and by NOT drawing attention to the lower half with tight, flashy garments that don’t fit or flatter. More below …

Pants:
* Dark colors minimize. And since the idea is to minimize and draw the eye up from your lower half, choose pants in a dark solid color.

* Choose wide and straight leg styles that skim straight down from your hips. Avoid tapered styles and pants that are tight through the hips or thigh.

* Avoid pants that pull across the front at the zipper or hips. Choose flat front styles rather than pleats, which are best at creating a smooth, flattering tummy. And either wear side-pocket-less pants or have them sewn shut.

* Cargo styles with bulky patch pockets can add size to legs.

* A medium rise is great as it lengthens the torso and minimizes full hips.

Skirts:
* Again, go with dark colors. No prints.

* When you can, match the skirt, leg (tights, stocking) and shoe to create a long continuous line from waist to toe, elongating and slimming the lower half. If you go bare-legged, consider a nude colored shoe.

* Keep the volume way down; so that means nothing full or pouffy, which, while comfy, sadly add bulk. Choose slim a-line skirts, straight skirts, and pencil skirts that aren’t too tight.

* The most flattering hemlines for us are knee-length.

Dresses:
* Choose styles that have a defined waist that flow gently over the hips, like a wrap dress. Never wear a shift or column dress that obscures the waistline.

Tops and Jackets:
* Avoid shirts and sweaters that stop at the fullest width of hips, opting instead for hemlines that stop somewhere above or below them.

* Wear blouses tucked in or belted over the top. Again, don’t hide your waistline.

* Wear tops that are fitted and show off the top half of your body, thus minimizing the attention to the bottom half.

* Prints and bright colors are great for drawing the eye up.

* Coats and jackets that are long length and fitted at the waist are magic at balancing out a wide lower body. Large lapels, chest pockets and/or shoulder epaulets are great too.

Shoes:
* Choose a shoe with a little bit of heft, nothing too dainty and delicate. Even a half-inch platform adds weight to a strappy sandal or skinny-heeled style. Platforms are more comfortable and are super cute and available everywhere in lots of heel heights.

* In skirts, match your leg color (bare-leg, tights, stockings) to your shoe for a long continuous line.

The buzz continues to be about shapewear and I can see why. Panty lines and underwear waistbands that dig in can’t be comfortable and they just look bad. Oprah and hundreds of other celebrities, even the skinny ones, swear by them. Does anyone have thoughts or tips to share about shape wear? What brand and style do you like? Please share below!

I have a lot of experience with dressing a wide lower half and know these tips work. It just feels good being sure about what you’re wearing. Give these tips a try and let me know what you think.

Sources:

How to Never Look Fat Again, by Charla Krupp
What Not to Wear, by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine
The Science of Sexy, by Bradley Bayou

the boogeyman?  Well, not since the 70’s…but that’s not what I’m referring to.

No I mean there is no such thing as “control”. 

If you haven’t figured it out already, I am a talker.  I am incredibly social, very open with folks and I tend to be everywhere all the time so I run into a ton of women who seem to have no problem telling me everything about themselves.  I have no idea why this is but you would understand if you hung out with me for a week or so and just see what I am talking about.  I do not mind it at all because I need to know what you ladies think when you are unguarded (most people I chat with have no idea what I do for a living so they just share-away) and not trying to give the “perfect answer” to the person who is holding you accountable to your daily dirt.  Well this week was no different than any other week and I had a gem of a conversation with someone (who is not a client of ours I have to add!) that begged the question, “Are you really in control or are you pleasantly managing chaos and mayhem?”

All of us have little quirky things that we do that we think “fix” a certain issue.  The most common one that I think all of us have done or are currently doing now is the cheat meal manipulation.  In fact, Kas (Tues blogger) and I just had a great conversation about this recently and she had to put her own smackdown on the habit herself.  But the cheat meal manipulation conversation (say that 3 times fast) that I had with someone this week went something like this:  It starts out with us having a cheat meal/week.  Say we have it on Saturday.  All is good in the land of dieting.  Then either the week gets away from you and have another cheat meal (man broke up with you, tough day at work, office party–who knows why) or the cheat meal itself set you up for disaster (see my post about cheat meals in here somewhere) and you go bezerk on your pantry one evening–whichever scenario applies here because it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that all is no longer good in the land of dieting and the first thing we think is, “We have to erase that.”  We need to ‘make that go away’.  Immediately we begin to change our diet around to reflect our folly:

• If we are doing a low, med, high rotation of some sort, we will stay all low for the week.
• If you are scheduled to do 4 cardio sessions in a week, you’ll add one on for every indiscretion.
• If you eat starch (you have to ask now) then you will drop all starch for the week.
• You may try to torture yourself with a mini diet for 4 to 5 days of something very restrictive like white fish and a green veggie.
• If you were doing a “diet” of some kind, you’ll start from the beginnig again so that it continues to “work” or you get “the maximum benefit”.

Regardless of your weapon of choice, all of these things are done as *damage control*.  They are meant to minimize or fully negate the act of violence we just perpetrated on our bodies by having extra of whatever food it was that tickled our fancy at that moment.  But there is no such thing as “control” when it is done after the fact.  You are not controlling anything.  In fact, at that point, it’s controlling you!  But some of you have this so ingrained in your brain that it would be easier wrestling a bone out of a rabid raccoon’s mouth on your back deck than breaking you of this dangerous pattern of thinking.  If you find yourself doing this, STOP!  NOW.  SERIOUSLY.

YOU CANNOT MAKE UP FOR ANY FOOD FOLLY THROUGH FOOD MANIPULATION OR EXERCISE!  KNOCK IT OFF!

If you want to see the mama bear in me come out, tell me you are doing this and you will see a big, frantic afro coming at you that is attached to a loud, but sweet woman who may be slightly scary at this point with you.  This, my dear, is the beginning of disordered eating.  Not necessarily a full blown eating disorder, but disordered eating for sure.  Next week I will tell you why your efforts are futile, at best, but this week is more about showing you that your behavior is on a fast track to nowhere.

If you are in the early stages of this craziness, you may think that you’ve ‘got this’.  You’re good.  “No really, Jodi, I know what I’m doing.  I make sure that…blah, blah, blah.”  Ahhh…the bliss of arrogance.  See, you are thinking about what you are doing right now.  You are not thinking of what this becomes.  The mind is a terrible thing and left to its own devices will drive you into the ground like a sledge hammer to a stake.  Sugar begets sugar.  Junk begets junk.  Soon you are making excuses for everything and you can no longer keep track of what’s making up for what. 

• You become paranoid.  I am not exaggerating here. 
• You become irrational.
• You become a master deceiver.  Of even yourself.
• People close to you notice you doing weird stuff like eating just a piece of chicken for lunch and dinner because you are busy “making up for” the cheesecake you had the night before.
• You scale watch because you just *know* that what you had is going to show up the next day. 

STOP!

Have I adequately scared you?  I pray that I have.  Marinate on this this week.  Next week we will talk about how your efforts are a waste of time. 

In the mean time, Nicole, our Friday blogger is stepping off the blogging team for a while.  The girl is a hot commodity and has taken on a new challenge in her career that demands a tremendous amount of her time.  She is still part of our consulting team so if you need her, let me know.  I have not decided fully what I am going to put in there but if you have a suggestion, hit me at jodi@trans4mationstation.com. 

Heather has some exciting new stuff coming your way and we may put that stuff in the Friday spot.  She is another hot commodity who is blowing up as we speak!  Woop woop!  Keep your eyes peeled for that if you are interested in a hot AND healthy body.  They are not one in the same!

Ladies…we love you.  We cannot say this enough.  It’s one thing to want a great body.  Every body talks about that on their sites.  It’s another thing to actually walk it out.  The fear, the control, the cravings.  WE HAVE ALL BEEN HERE AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR JOURNEY.  Let us keep you from destroying yourself in the quest for a hot body.  Stay safe.  Stay sane.  Keep reading.  LOVE YOU!

I’ve written before about the things that annoy me in the gym.  While I can be funny, I don’t always come across that way in writing.  However, I have a very good friend who also has a plethora of gym annoyances and he is hilarious.

I’ve known Norman since college and while he still lives in Philly, we still text and email all the time, much of which is about gym annoyances.  Thus, I thought I’d share a few with you, to see if any of these antics go on in your gym.

I have to fist, however, set the tone.  Imagine that randomly on a Saturday morning or a Wednesday evening after work a random text message appears on your phone.  I get these quite often and it never ceases to amaze me that I come across the same people in my gym.

Text Message: Gym annoyance, people who think their workout logs need a bench.

Text Message: Hey, lets do one set (using way to heavy weights leading to bad form) then walk around like a badass for 5 minutes before your next set.

Text Message: (Disclaimer ,thankfully this has never happened to me as I don’t frequent the men’s locker room) Turning into locker room, see guy butt arse naked bending over, putting in his contacts….really?  How about putting on a towel or using the bathroom.  (I responded with “are you scared for life”) Then the response back was: so pale, so white, the horror.

Text Message: Gym annoyance #264: “Cell phones” (specifically texters)..Do you really NEED to have a convo via text between each set?

Text Message: I am such a gym loser…all my shirts have sleeves.

Now I say that I get these random text messages, but I also send them.  For example, today I wrote about the guy who HAD to squeeze into the already crowded stretching area with a stability ball and two dumbbells.  He then proceeded to kneel on the stability ball and do side raises.  I am not quite sure this image needs further explanation

Other times gym annoyances are set out in e-mails that go a little something like this:

Email 1: Imagine if you will…

Barbell Rack, someone inside holding a barbell, someone outside holding someone’s feet, as the third person does pushups from the top “level” with his hands on the barbell and feet held by the outsider.

If you need two people and a machine to do an exercise, maybe you should just find something else to take care of whatever muscle you are working on.

(I read this and literally had no words.  I forwarded this one to Heather I was so amused.  And she even said she couldn’t quite figure out what was gong on there).

Email 2: Dear Bally’s

I understand that in order to make money, you need to have your clientele invest in personal training sessions.  As an American who supports capitalism I fully agree you need to do what you need to do in order to make a profit.  Before last year, there wasn’t a designated “training area” for your personal trainers to work and they were forced to work among the rest of the people in the gym.  Then, you decided to move some free weights into another less crowded area to have a “place to call your own”; I can understand and have no problem with this.  Last month, you decided to clear out 8 elliptical machines on the second floor so you could have even more space to train your clients, while this further added to the queue and aggravation of those who use cardio (more people than machines), once again, I had no problem.  So with all this room you would figure to have more than enough space to do your own workout without interfering with the rest of us.  Ahh..not so fast, for some reason, your trainers decide to use the bottom of weight racks to hold down the clients feet while they are doing the latest mens/womens health exercise of the month.  Thus inconveniencing everyone in the gym who wants to, dare I say, “work out” and use a free weight or a bar bell.  I know you are “Bally’s” but you are a gym, could you even try to care about those not wasting $300 a month to get personal trainers?  Jesh, we swipe our own cards now since the people at the desk are too “busy” texting or chatting away. Just let me work out in peace.

Thanks

(This one is SO on point for my gym.  We have a “trainer” designated area yet they insist on taking up space in the rest of the gym)

Email 3: gym annoyance #263:  Not only did I see a guy sit on the incline chest press and proceed to spend the next 30 minutes talking/texting on his phone (I watched it out of annoyance), but I also saw some not so in shape chick (wearing new fancy shoes, spandex tights, etc) spend 5 minutes stretching, 5 minutes messing around with her ipod, and another 5 minutes texting away ALL WHILE STANDING ON A NON MOVING TREADMILL.  Unf. I couldn’t see if she actually did anything since my 15 minutes of elliptical madness were over and I was out

(I think every gym has a few of these)

I don’t know about you, but I thoroughly enjoy these emails and texts.  Not only because they are hilarious but because they are SO dead on point with what goes on in my gym.   Which leads me to ask, does any of this go on in your gym?

I’ve been preparing to move and moving over the course of the last few weeks in separate phases: the heavy stuff only phase; the paint everything in the old house phase; the move everything into storage phase; the hotel phase; and now the move in with friends phase.  Which, I might add, is not the last phase–that will be moving into our new home in a month or more.  (Yes, we have friends who love us enough and are just that awesome to let me, my husband, and our 2 dogs infiltrate their home for over a month until we have a home of our own again.)  Now, I myself did not have to participate in much of what I felt was “heavy lifting”.  Just lots and lots and lots of long drawn out activity, and lots and lots and lots of long drawn out stress, albeit stress I didn’t realize I was under because I was keeping it together really well.  Some recent lab work I had done to see how well my lab-based nutrition program is going revealed that my adrenals are shot.  Whoops.  More supplementation and quality sleep is in order!  No surprise, as some days I’ve been flat-out exhausted “for no reason”.  Likewise, a girlfriend of mine just had surgery last Monday.  She’s a fidgety, hands-on, business owner who is ready to get back at it.  Frustratingly, a few loads of laundry or an excursion out of the house plum tucker her out.  She’s been finding that she’s relegated to the “old fart carts” in order to get around Home Depot or Costco without having to take a 2+ hour nap afterward.  Both of our experiences reminded me of a post I did about physical exhaustion and the mind’s role in it–specifically the “central governor” theory regarding the central nervous system’s (CNS) duty to conduct and control the symphony of physiological processes occurring within us, all at once.  Whether an elite athlete or a regular Josephine, the concepts presented in that post present possible explanations for why we can rock a Jodiojo “stick of butter” style workout one day, yet physically collapse after some significant dental work the next…for which we sat in a chair the whole time.  To learn more –> click here.

This post will be tips and tricks on choosing clothing that will flatter your large chest. Not to leave out the smaller girls, but small chests are not near the clothing challenge that large ones are. I have friends and daughters who literally wrestle with their breasts daily when getting dressed. Hopefully a few of these suggestions help.

Start with a bra that fits. Sounds obvious but the word is that women wear 6-7 different bra sizes in her lifetime. Even a plus/minus of 5 lbs. will change your bra size and possibly cup size too. Let the ladies in the lingerie department or boutique help you with fit. They have been taught how to do this and unless you’re 14, it’s not all that weird (they don’t see about the fit until it’s on). Besides, I learned that bra cup sizing is not standardized at all, anywhere. Having just purchased a new bra in a different band size and cup (at a wonderful little shop nearby – if you live in the South Shore of Boston, do yourself a favor and go to Bloom in Hingham), I believe again in getting fitted.

Once you’re properly supported, the following are a few things to think about as your get dressed:

* Uncomplicated, very fitted single-breasted hip length blazers and jackets are perfect for a big chest. Avoid big lapels and chest pockets to keep the torso sleek.

* Make sure that pull over shirts and sweaters do not pull horizontally across the chest – consider buying the next size up. The same is true for button up blouses that gape open. If the next size up doesn’t fit, wear a tank top under the blouse or close the gap with double-sided tape (try Hollywood Tape or Match Sticks).

* It’s still true that light colors maximize while dark colors minimize. Think about this when considering a white t-shirt.

* Straps on anything (handbag, messenger bag, backpacks, etc.) emphasize the breasts a lot. (Someone gave me a backpack baby carrier that strapped across my chest smooshing my massive post-partum boobs together and completely framing them between the top, bottom and shoulder straps. Totally ridiculous. I never used that carrier.)

* Keep necklines simple. V-necks are the most flattering but so also are ballet, scoop and square necks, cowls, wrap styles, Henley (love those little buttons) and polo/golf shirt style necks.

* Necklines that are high (turtlenecks, etc.) can tend to visually bunch the boobs up and make them look larger. Open necklines open up the chest area and show off an elegant neck.

* Necklaces that stop above your chest are better than longer ones that dangle and tend to slide over and encircle one or both breasts.

* When layering pieces, make sure they don’t cling to each other. Smooth fabrics will have slip and not grab each other and move around awkwardly.

* Smooth, thin fabrics are always more slimming than bulky, chunky fabrics.

I hope this helps. Let me know!

Sources:

What Not to Wear by Trinny Woodall & Susannah Constantine
How to Never Look Fat Again by Charla Krupp