You know how NHL goalies are always kind of in a crouch, waiting to block a shot or whatever? There is a goal camera mounted a mere 10 inches behind him that inevitably broadcasts his bent over rear end larger than life onto the big screen in the family room, and yes, those pants do make his butt look big! (haha!)
I’m starting out with how to dress an ample behind, because, well, I have one. My husband, with a big smile, said recently, “Your butt, it’s higher and smaller these days, like it was when you were competing.” I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.
In a world where it seems that all clothing is made for Gisele when she was 15, it’s been my experience that clothing your bootie (or what ever other body part you wrestle with) and the whole package looking right is not easy. My butt isn’t perfect, but the husband was right – it is high(er) and round (thanks Jodi for setting my glutes on fire every time I enter the gym) and I am not interested in hiding it, but rather dressing it so I look my best. Anyone but me? Feel free to embrace or reject any of the following thoughts and advice:
* Straight cut or wide leg trousers are flattering because they fall straight down from your hips.
* Pants with narrow bottoms, like capris, tapered styles and harem pants accentuate the bum.
* Flat front styles minimize; pleats and side pockets add bulk (I sew side pockets shut-better to loose the convenience of a pocket to get rid of the flaring out that side pockets always do anyway)
* Prints and light colors will draw attention and visually add size. Dark solids minimize.
* Wear pants in fabrics that have some weight; nothing flimsy or clingy. Try cotton, denim, lycra blends (like good workout/yoga pants), and wool. Look for fabrics with a little stretch for comfort and shape.
* Plain back pockets will not draw attention to your bum. Contrast stitching, big buttons, buckles, gathers, pleats, rhinestones, big logos, bleaching, etc. will.
* Patch pockets add bulk; slit pockets, like on a khaki, do not.
* To make the rear end look smaller, choose jeans with patch pockets that are large, placed high on the butt and spaced close together.
* The higher the waist, the more attention is drawn to the butt. Unless you are long and slender-waisted too, choose a mid or low rise style.
* High waisted jeans can also flatten out your butt. Proceed with caution.
* Try the jeans that are specifically made for curvy girls. These have a lower rise in the front and a higher rise in back that eliminate gaping at the waistband in the back.
* Dark colored boot-cut styles are great on bootie girls.
* A v-shaped yoke (the fabric that runs between the waistband and pockets) is more flattering to a large bum than a straight across yoke.
* Choose a denim with stretch to avoid sagging at the butt and knees.
* Finishes, washes and distressing (rips, abrasions, whiskering, etc.) while cool (I love that stuff) are distracting and break up the line of the leg, making them appear shorter. Wear a heel with these styles.
* Boyfriend jeans are weirdly shaped; the crotch hangs low in the front making legs look shorter, they’re rolled up making legs look shorter, the waist is too big for a belt to lie flat and un-bunchy, and they’re so roomy that your lower body all but disappears. Hmmm.
Skirts and Dresses:
* A-lines can be flattering but make sure the flare is not too wide and keep the hem right at the knee to avoid frumpy.
* Try straight and pencil styles. Ensure that they aren’t too tight in the bum and don’t pull across your hips in front. These can be amazingly sexy on a curvy figure!
* Beware skirt styles that add bulk: long maxis, full, pleated, drop waist, peasant/dirndl, and pouffy tutu.
* Beware styles that are tiny: mini skirts of all varieties.
* Wrap dresses accentate a fuller figure in a very good way.
* Try a dress in soft matte jersey, which will skim curves just right.
* Slinky, swishy fabrics cut on the bias move a lot, drawing the eye directly to whatever is underneath.
* Choose tops that accentuate the positive going on above the waist – shoulders, great rack, slim belly or waspy waist.
* Jackets, sweaters, coats, etc. that flow over or stop right below your butt are great over your bootie. Don’t hide your waist in the process; choose pieces with a tailored or nipped in waist to show off your hourglass bod.
* Waist and hip length jackets draw attention to and will show off your rear end.
* NO PANTY LINES! Eliminate these by wearing a thong (I swear by Commando and Hanky Panky) or cheeky styles which are cut higher in the back and front than boy shorts or tap pants. Always go seamless.
* Shapewear – I died when I read this advice: Like a bra, make sure the garment keeps your cheeks separated. How great is that? Love it!
* Belt sweaters or long shapeless tops with a slender belt at the waist. Pass on wide hip belts.
* Wear a heel with a little bit of weight with skirts, nothing flimsy so that you teeter around but not too hefty and clunky.
* Have pants and jeans that are too long hemmed; avoid cuffing them as they add weight to the bottom of your leg not in a good way
Hope some of these work for you.
What Not to Wear by Trinny Woodall & Susannah Constantine
What Not to Wear For Every Occasion by Trinny Woodall & Susannah Constantine
How to Never Look Fat Again by Charla Krupp
The Science of Sexy by Bradley Bayou