July 21st, 2009
by Jodi · Filed Under: Ponderings
You’re afraid of me aren’t you? You want to ask me what I know but you’re afraid.
Go ahead…ask me what I think! You know I’ll tell you! And then for the rest of the day I could make you either happy or sad. You decide–it doesn’t much matter to me.
Whether you are a business woman making 6 figures or a stay at home mom with beautiful cherubs, I have something to say and I know that you will listen. I am just that good at what I do.
I may chastise you, praise you, give you validation or rob you of your joy. My “critique” is heard by many.
You seek my knowledge every week as if what I think really matters. Why you give me such power is beyond me but I’ll take it. Sometimes you’ll seek me out every day or even twice per day. Whatever. I am always here and available so you can’t help but stalk me.
I’d love to say I care–but I don’t. I can’t stop you from asking nor am I capable. I just sit by and watch you perform your daily ritual of self doubt, self torture, self mockery…need I go on?
I just love days when you are tired of asking me and getting the same answer over and over, so you ask others just like me! And then they tell you a different story! Oh boy! Now you’re really a hot mess! Which one to believe?
The best thing is…I can reduce you to a blubbering fool. I am blown away by that power. I can’t say I revel in it but I have to say it is an elixir for me. Who wouldn’t want that kind of control over someone at least once in their lives? I know you trust me…I’m the best at what I do…as if what I say is the truth and all–LOL…that’s kind of cool, too. But I could be lying to you and you would never know because you take everything I say for face value. Everybody else thinks my word is bond and for as long as you have known me, you have too.
The worst thing about this responsibility you force me to bear is when you come to me confident, borderline cocky and I rip you to shreds. I tell you all about yourself in less than a minute. Of course, then I am left to deal with your anger, confusion, panic and etc. Please! Get it together. I didn’t ask you to seek me out in the first place! Don’t make me have to deal with that! What’s that saying? Don’t shoot the messenger! I am not going to change how I deliver information to you just because it affects you so! You are either going to have to learn how to deal or maybe you should stop seeking my opinion.
If you don’t like what I have to say, then get off my back! There are plenty others out there who want to hear what i have to say…
With lots of taunting and jeering,
Your Bathroom Scale